Bikini Sighting: East, West and South

Now that I'm 50 and the tattoo is healing and the vacation is over and the celebration is grinding to a slow halt (one more weekend to go and then the partying's over), I've had time to reflect on all this fun. It was the best.birthday.ever.  And, I'm not just saying that:

It.was.grand.

I must confess there is one noticeable drawback to being 50.... my breasts are moving east, south and west. When I wrote in my previous blog that it is hard to take a self-photo of a tattoo located on the chest--even with those new-fangled cell phones--what I really meant was "my boobs have gone east and west and south and that distorted tattoo look in the phone photo is really the distortion of my breasteses (pronounced breast-est-es)."  I didn't realize how far things had "traveled" until I put my bikini top on in preparation for the tattooing.  I thought it a smart idea to wear my bathing suit to the tattoo parlor, taking into account the location of the desired tattoo.  I slipped the top tie over my head and hooked the back of the bikini into place.   I went to adjust the little triangles of fabric of which bikinis are made.....and was stunned--STUNNED to see how far the triangles were from each other.

Adding insult to injury, there was a whole lot of nothing going on between those two triangles of fabric.

I might as well have put the triangles of fabric over my armpits, that's how far things were off course.

Some might burst into tears, but I burst into laughter.  I called to the wife, "You have GOT to see this!" I don't think she was prepared for what she was about to see.  I mean, there is NO WAY you can see something like this and not burst into laughter.  It took less than 1/2 a brain cell to determine it was no longer appropriate for me to sport a bikini top of this caliber.

In case you are wondering, I wore a purple sports bra to the blessed event. Had I worn the bikini top, the 23 year old tattoo artist would have needed therapy for the rest of his life; in fact, he might have been permanently scarred.

In addition to the armpit triangles of bikini top trauma, I noticed that my gratitude tattoo is now:
GRAT  ti   tude
sadly sloping toward
                          the south 
                                  and east.   

The word gratitude used to be perfectly spaced and level. Not so much anymore.  I should have given the guy a bigger tip, as he was able to align the star with the sloping word with nary a snarky comment.

Soon, I'll have a falling star.  Ah  well, we can fix that when I turn 60.

Anyone need a new bikini top?