Three Cheers For the Queer....muff!

Before I get to the point of my babbling, I would like to say two words:

Four remotes. 

We have four remotes in our lives.  This is three more than I prefer to have and three more than I will ever figure out.  She tried to explain things to me but I stopped listening after she picked up remote #2.  I'm going to not watch TV unless she's home.  That way, I will have no remotes in my life.

The wife doesn't like when I talk about things like the TV because it might attract robbers.  Trust me, they'd be much better off going next door because we only have this one nice piece of electronic equipment.  We're just entering the 21st century.   We still have our stereo components from college--that should tell you something, because we haven't been in college for 25 or more years.  Besides, we have dogs and we have the nosiest neighbor in the country, which is AWESOME when it comes to having your very own neighborhood watch.  We keep our dogs locked and our alarm armed.  The TV is safe. Our college stereo is safe.  My 500 vinyl albums are safe.

Now, if you were breaking and entering to steal my new queermuffs, I'd understand.  I've been worried about only having ONE set of queermuffs for the past few years because I lose everything and I really can't live without my queermuffs....

.....some of you--okay, almost all of you--are wondering, "what the hell is a queermuff?" and why is this lady babbling about them?  If you had some, you'd feel the same way--you'd want to profess your love for them every day it is below 50 degrees.  I break them out when there is a chance of a cold front....a cool front....hell, a soft breeze blowing from the west.

Allow me to introduce you to the queermuff:

I know, I know, you can barely stand the excitement!  These are my brand-spankin' new leopard print ones.  They are a size "medium," which is problematic because I have a large size ear, but one must sacrifice when it comes to beauty.  They didn't have an leopard print ones in size large, so I went with the medium.  I figure I can stuff my ear in a medium.  It's not like you wear queermuffs for hours at a time.

No, that is not their "real" name.  The name of which I employ evolved over the years, mainly because the wife finds them so unattractive and ridiculous.  It went from ear muffs to queermuffs in a matter of months. 

These are NOT ear muffs, so do not insult them.  These gems don't need a wire or a string or a piece of plastic to keep them in place.  These don't mess your hair. These don't fall off.  These don't roll away.  One for each ear.  POW! POW!  Warm ears! 

You can wear one or both at a time.  You can mix and match. You can wear them to bed.  You can wear them with your formal wear.  Why do you think I got the leopard print ones? Those will be my dress queer muffs!

I got these on-line from a certain TV shopping show.  I couldn't pass up the deal--I got four pair for the price of three and the shipping was a steal.  That means one pair of leopard print for me and three pair for....well, I can't tell you who they are for, as they are being given as Christmas gifts! 

I am SURE these will be the BEST.GIFT.EVER. for the recipients.  100% sure. 

Wait 'til I teach them how to do the "queermuff sassy dance."  It's so sassy I might have to make a video of it for you visiting the Addiverse.....

....or, maybe I'll just wear my queermuffs while trying to figure out those four remotes.