Holiday Re-wind

Tis the season to....run around the Midwest looking like a chicken with a head cut off.  (Have you ever seen a chicken without a head? It's actually true.  You lop that puppy off and the thing keeps running around for a dot.  No wonder I'm a vegetarian.) It's the season where the wife and I argue about our spending habits, of eating naughty foods which lead to screaming pant buttons, of recalling holidays of old.  Since I'm short on time and can't blog while in a car--well, actually, I could if I weren't doing all the driving, but blogging and driving is not a good idea--I am giving you a holiday re-wind from December 2006.  Most of you weren't reading the blog way back when, so I figure this is fair game.  I do so love the story of Santa in the Bathroom. 

"Happy Holidays" to those of you who no longer say "Merry Christmas!"  Merry Christmas to those of you who disdain the saying "Happy Holidays!"

(December 2006 Edition) ......To help you get into the holiday spirit, I thought I'd share memories of a few favorite gifts and foods over the years. Take, for instance, the Christmas when I was five years old. If I'm not mistaken, we were living in Boston at that time and had returned to the Windy City for the holiday festivities. We stayed with our grandparents that year, with Lil Sis and I taking over my aunt's bed. This was an AWESOME Christmas, as Santa brought me a G.I. Joe Machine Gun! Now, that's a good present. (I'm serious!) Although that was a mighty exciting part of this particular holiday, finding Santa in the bathroom was the highlight of Christmas Eve....

...While trying to sleep on Christmas Even (you know how hard that can be), I was peeking out of my supposedly closed eyes while "sleeping" in my aunt's bedroom. I was facing the doorway. It was still mighty dark out. Suddenly, I swear to you that I saw Santa walk into the bathroom and shut the door. I was so excited I could barely contain myself!

SANTA.is.in.the.BATHROOM!

He's HERE! HE'S HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE!

(Even Santa has to pee, doesn't he? I mean, that's a LONG journey he takes.)

I quickly SQUEEZED my eyes shut, as I figured Santa would take the gifts back if he knew I was awake. I prayed I wouldn't squirm in delight.  

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET SANTA KNOW I'M AWAKE!!! SANTA, I'VE BEEN GOOD ALL YEAR! PLEASE DON'T LET ME BLOW IT NOW!

I kept those eyes squeezed shut and I did not peek to see if he ever came out the bathroom door.  Maybe he went out the window.  (They didn't have a chimney, so the bathroom window might work quite well.) Thankfully, Santa did not see me and thus the machine gun was mine for the taking. 

Looking back, I assume it was my grandfather in the bathroom, but who REALLY knows???!

Over the years, I've been given some awesome presents: a telescope in fourth grade, a new 10 speed bike in eighth grade (yellow! Woo woo!) and even a yellow hat with a siren on top when I was in tenth grade. I think my favorite gift in the recent years was the Poop Calendar I received from a co-worker last year. I know, I know, that is so juvenile, but it was the best calendar I have ever received--dog poop every month! You KNOW how much I love to talk about poop--well, this just gave me permission to talk about dog poop at any given moment during the work day. (It IS a fine line between staff and client, I tell you.) If I weren't in such a food coma, I'd tell you more about holidays gone by. Until I "pass" those cheesy potatoes, I won't be doing much of anything, so you'll just have to wait....a few hours...a few days? Please don't make it a week....