Practicing Medicine

I am not going to tell you who I am writing about in this blog entry.  Okay, okay--one hint: Hetway Ifeway.  Just sayin'.

There is good reason they call it a medical practice or "practicing medicine." We are all little guinea pigs in this form of practice.  Here's what I have to say before you become the next medical practice guinea pig: become an educated consumer who is a strong self-advocate.  Save yourself, little piggy!

Hetway Ifway, our subject matter, has insurance.  She is good about doing preventive maintenance, so to speak. Since she is a good patient, one that does as she is told by whoever made the rules in the land of medical practice, you would think medical issues would be simple, but....

.....here's how it goes:

0.5: Hetway has met her insurance deductable for the year, so she schedules a routine medical test.  Unfortunately, she has not met her annual maximum despite having had major surgery this year, so she checks her bank account before setting up the test. 

1.  Hetway Ifeway has the medical test.


2.  Hetway is called back to have another medical test, based on the first medical test.

3.  Prior to going for second test, Hetway researches the issue because it pays to be an educated consumer.

4. Hetway has the second medical test.

5.  Hetway has a third test, for good measure, as ordered by the practicing medical professionals reviewing test one and two.

5.  Practicing Medical professionals hem and haw. No one wants to make a decision and so they hem and haw some more and wonder if Hetway should have further testing.

6.  Hetway Ifeway gets pissy because she realizes she knows more than those who are hemming and hawing.

7.  The wishy washy medical professional passes the buck and suggests another medical test, of which seems quite unnecessary to those who have taken the time to be educated consumers.

8.  Figuring it will be helpful, Hetway goes to primary care physician to talk about the results of test one, two and three & to discuss options.

9. Primary Care Physician's office has no electricity (who knows why).  They do not reschedule her appointment, despite everything (records, test results, x-rays) being electronic.  This means the records, tests and x-rays cannot be viewed by the doctor.

10.  Worse, the doctor does not know her from Adam despite being her PCP for the past two decades.  Seriously.  Even though Hetway Ifeway has some significant medical issues and has seen him repeatedly over the past several years and just had major surgery of which he arranged, he does not recognize her.

11.  PCP asks Ifeway what the issue is and why she is there.  Thank god she is an educated consumer and is able to relay information on tests one, two and three; she also provides a history so the uneducated PCP can practice some form of medicine.

12.  PCP hems and haws.  He refers Ifeway to a surgeon despite not having medical records or other information.  This infuriates Ifeway as no one is speaking her language and no one seems to have access to the same basic medical information she has found on her own.

13.  Being a strong self-advocate, Ifeway is smart enough to get a copy of the written reports from test one, two and three.  She gets her own DVD of test results.  She makes her own appointment with the surgeon.

14.  Ifeway educates herself further.

15.  Ifeway finally finds someone who is speaking the same language.  Thank god the surgeon actually read a book or two on the subject and has balls.  He uses his knowledge and balls to come to the same conclusion Hetway Ifeway came to weeks ago (and hundreds of dollars ago) and actually makes a decision: there is no need for further action at this time.

16. Ifeway needs intensive psychotherapy due to the craziness of the medical system.

17.  Ifeway does not pursue this as that will require a referral from PCP.


It's a clusterf*ck, driven by malpractice premiums, insurance companies and drug companies, eh?  I could go on and on.  My hernia-non-hernia is a great example, but it's pretty much the same thing so I won't waste your time.  Suffice it to say that my doctor, who I have been seeing since 1987, who has seen me through weirdness like a cracked sternum, lumpy goiter, a herniated neck disk after a freak jogging incident and re-occurring armpit lump (aka Larry Lump), a guy who had me wear a heart monitor because I thought i was going to need a heart transplant, a guy who sees me annually for a wellness check up has NO IDEA who I am.  Despite being covered with weird tattoos and having these (and many more) memorable medical issues, I could bite him in the head and he wouldn't know me.  He might--and, this is a big might--recognize me as a "hmmm, she looks kind of familiar" but there is no way in hell he could ever tell you my first name.  Side note: Interestingly, my records (electronic records, now available to me via the Internet) from him indicate that I have (1) a thyroid issue; and, (2) anxiety.  That's not much to go on--no wonder he doesn't know who the hell I am.  I probably have this reported anxiety from having to go the doctor.

I really, really like my doctor, so I put up with this. Besides, starting over is no guarantee I'll get anything better.  I like him, he's never been wrong, he has good intuition, he's on my provider plan.  Just can't remember me or ifeway.


BTW, Hetway Ifeway is fine.  Thank you for asking! Well, medically she is fine.  I can't say the same about her psychiatric status--I think she is permanently scarred from recent incidents related to being a patient in the medical arena.  I'll just give her one of my psychology text books and let her diagnose and fix herself.  She can practically practice medical practice, so why not try a little psychotherapy on herself?  At least she'd recognize herself.