I Do the I Do

I wrote this and then didn't post it. I don't know why I didn't post it--perimenopausal brain fart, I am sure.  Imagine my surprise when I found it dangling out in the Addiverse ozone.  Now that I found it, I'm gonna post it.  I'd hate for your to miss the opportunity to hear that I actually used my ordained minister prowess in the real world for a real wedding.....

I, sister-brother/sister-mister-reverend-warrior-princess, married two people.

Legally.  Seriously.  Incredibly.

     A bride and a groom.  Traditional.
            As an officially ordained minister.

Is life good or what?

(In case you are wondering, I went with the serious-sounding ordination credentials I possess.  I decided not to go with the "Church of the Latter Saint Dudes" ordination.  Maybe next time, dude.) 

The wife was rather frightened by the prospect of me utilizing my ordained minister status, but once I explained to her that this wasn't about me being a religious figure but rather me providing a service and having the credentials to do it, she seemed all good with it....albeit still frightened for the bride and groom.

A service.  I'm not here to talk about the baby Jesus or get all religious.  I am here to marry people.  The baby Jesus is welcomed to attend, but he needs to remain seated quietly in the front row, kind of like my mother and the wife had to remain seated quietly in the nearest set of bushes.  I am providing a professional service that is recognized--and required--by legal entities like the State.

I've decided that being a professional counselor is going to come in mighty handy if I start to get a lot of wedding gigs, as I was more a counselor than anything else yesterday.  Meeting with the bride before the ceremony required empathy, reassurance, skill-stepping....this with a rational, focused bride.  I imagine many brides are on the verge of hysteria, barking orders and trying not to totally freak out.  Standing there with the groom while waiting for the service to begin required the exact same thing.  (The way he was sweating and not speaking, I thought he was going to pass out....I never had that feeling from the bride, so score one for the bride.)  As a counselor-minister, I was able to run interference where it was needed to be run, although this family was thankfully VERY well-behaved and reserved. 

When not counseling, I was pious.  Well, kinda-sorta pious.  Okay, not even close to pious but very professional.

The day started out with pouring rain and stormy conditions.  As this was an outdoor wedding, the weather presented as a potential problem.  When it started to clear up later in the day, I knew it was going to be all right.  I had my lucky umbrella with and I knew if I brought the umbrella, it wouldn't rain. I put the umbrella in the front seat so I wouldn't forget it and then reassured the bride that the sun would indeed be out for the ceremony.  I don't think the bride was too sure I knew what I was talking about when I told her it wasn't going to rain....

It did not rain.

Out of respect to the bride and groom, I will say no more, although I have many thoughts and humorous tidbits. Maybe a few years down the road I'll be able to share many a story all mixed together....

After the ceremony, I was walking back to the car, lucky umbrella in hand.  A police office was driving by, stopped, rolled down his window and cheerfully noted, "well, at least it stopped raining!"  I agreed, held up my lucky umbrella and told him, "I knew if I brought my umbrella along, it wouldn't rain."  He laughed and asked if he could borrow it.  I told him in no uncertain terms: "no."

I can't be sharing my lucky umbrella, especially when I need it to "do the I do."

If you are feeling adventurous and have a hankerin' to get married, keep me in mind.  I'm cheap, I'm fun, I'm simple, I have a lucky umbrella and I can counsel you before/during/after the ceremony so you don't pass out/kill anyone/run screaming away down the street.  I'll even cover all my tattoos or wear a dress at your request...but, that's gonna cost you a whole lot more.