Who We Are

There is nothing like spending a week with family that will show you exactly who you are.  If you pay attention, you can learn all sorts of things about yourself in a much faster, much cheaper way than therapy. You also learn how very much you--and your siblings--are like your parents.  Little, bitty clones with the same last name and the same neuroses.

This is St. Francis, my favorite saint, if one can actually have a favorite saint.  He was hanging out at the lake house when we pulled in, so I took that as I really good sign.  I got him in the party mode by putting a glow-stick-necklace around his neck.  He's giving the High Five sign as means of expressing his gratitude.  Or, is he saying "Paws up, little monsters???"

We went on a week long vacation to a lake house with the wife's family. First, let me tell you--those people know how to cook and they know how to snack. For that, I love them. I gained four pounds in five days.  THAT'S how to vacation.  I had to hide my chocolate supply from those snack hounds.  The wife's mother was all over my M&Ms and Hershey Bars.  I had to sleep with the chocolate under my pillow at night to keep her at bay. 

The wife's family never misses a meal and for that I love them even more.  Full breakfast, full lunch, full dinner, serious snacking.  I'm surprised the refrigerator didn't explode, with all that food shoved in there.  I swear the door couldn't close at times because the frig was packed to the gills.  They don't waste their time on pre-made stuff.  They make their meals.  It hurts my head to watch all of the commotion in the kitchen at meal times.  Salads--not the green kind, the naughty kinds--condiments, side dishes, main course, all spread out like a royal buffet.  Okay, so a lot of the snacks came in packages (think: Oreos, M&Ms, danishes, chips for days) but a lot of the stuff was made in some form or another: homemade trail mix (of which was genius), brownies dripping with caramel, s'mores, guacamole/salsa to die for (you have to make s'mores, so I think they count).

Of course, all that eating leads to a problem if you have the "I-can't-poop-when-on-vacation" issue. ('Fess up.  This happens to a lot of people. Embrace your vacation-cursed bowels right now and admit you've experienced this.) Thankfully, all I brought to wear involved nylon athletic shorts with elastic waistlines.  There is no way in hell I could have ever put on real pants.

This is the dog that spent time with us.  It's not like I can actually post photos of the wife's family but I figure posting a photo of their dog isn't off limits.  This was one party pup, always up for a boat ride. 

I could talk about each and every glorious meal, how much I hate fishing (I thought I was going to die when one of the kids announced, "Ewwww, the hook is in his eye!"), how one of the persons in attendance tripped and fell head-first in the lake (no, it was not me or the wife, but out of respect, I shall not mention who it was), how nice the location and building was, how driving to town to find Wi-Fi was of the utmost importance, how people had a really hard time dealing with the fact that cell phone reception at the lake house was basically non-existent, how I really am a curmudgeon....but, instead, I shall reflect on how much the wife and her siblings are like each other and how much they are like their parents.

I am quite familiar with the wife's worry, worry, worry way of being and about her obsessive compulsive approach to life, but I never realized any of her siblings might be the same way; after all, we usually only see family members at parties and gatherings of some sort, for a few hours at a time.  You don't really get to see the "full" person in such artificial settings in such short durations of time.  Everyone always seems calm and collected.  After spending a week with these people, I was stunned at how much all of them worry and "get stuck" on things....how much they follow rules and obsess on things....on the ways their brains keep anxiety in the forefront.  It was almost exhausting to see so many people worrying & obsessing at the same time.  Surrounded by clones--I was surrounded by wife clones! I started to good-humor-idly make fun of two family members with a third one-the one I thought the most laid back of the bunch by far, but stopped making fun when he whispered, "I think like that, too.  I find myself worrying about that.  I can't help it."  Oh.my! 

Who knew her siblings were worrying about the exact same things in the exact same manner?

This worry-obsess-compulsion-anxiety thing is not a bad thing, nor is it a good thing.  It is just a thing, so please don't misconstrue my observations as judgements.  It was more of an entertainment and an enlightenment than anything.  It explains a LOT about the wife and the way she approaches life.  It helped me to understand each person "more" than I had before. It also reinforces my belief that a lot of "stuff" we carry is biological, not just environmental.  One family member (of who shall remain anonymous) got stuck on one particular concern and never let it go for the entire duration of the vacation; in fact, this person pulled me aside and whispered, "Don't say anything because everyone will just give me a hard time.  Will you please help me with this by using your phone for me?"  I'll leave out the details.  Suffice it to say I was the only one who had a cell phone that actually worked, so I was a hot commodity.

And, I thought I had anxiety!  Shoot, I had to hide the snacks AND my phone by the middle of the week.

We shall not speak of how obsessed all of them are with sports and specific teams of their homeland.  I knew they all had that in common.  No news there.  They bleed green and gold.  I know they fret over every game, every play.  I guess I didn't realize that the wory and fretting involves many subjects, not just sports.  Can I just say that the wife's dad makes fretting an art form?  Oh.my.my.my.

Our families have the power to profoundly effect every facet of our being, as noted during this small snippet of time gathered together.  This is both a wonderful and a terrifying thing to know for all you parents out there.  Another reason to just have dogs and call it a day.

During all this reflection and observation of others, it was only fair that I consider my way of being, too.  Suffice it to say, there were times I was stunned by the things that came out of my mouth, by my perspective on this or that, by my fear someone would take all my snacks.  At one point, I thanked one of the wife's sisters for not slapping me in the head after making a particular comment. 

(I'd like to note that not being able to poop for such a long duration of time after eating such an overwhelming volume food makes you crazed, so I cannot be held accountable for all my actions.)

So, we've returned from vacation, knowing a bit better who we are.  Who they are.  How we came to be who we are.  How we really don't need to change a thing about who we are now that we know how we got here.

Now that vacation is over, I have to start my withdrawal from all that food and try and lose those four pounds that came home as my souvenir.  I've already had cookies and ice cream with my breakfast, so I'm off to a really poor start.  I should be shaking by the end of the day from sugar withdrawal.  Heck, maybe I'll wait until Monday when vacation is REALLY over.

The wife's announcement that she somehow lost a pound while we were gone (how the hell did she do that?) gives me motivation to step away from the computer and the snacks and go do something calorie-burning.  Or, maybe not.  After all, who I am involves a serious sugar addiction.....I am powerless over sugar and my snacking has become unmanageable.....I know who I am.  Pass me the Oreos.  I'll worry about all this on Monday....