Eleven Minutes

In case you are wondering, you can get civilized in eleven minutes.  I thought it would only take ten minutes for civilization but was off by sixty seconds.

In case you are wondering, those eleven minutes of becoming civilized are the best eleven minutes of your life. And, they are the most terrifying for nervous nellies like me.

We are now officially and legally civilized. It didn't go exactly as planned, as the wife discovered both dogs had fleas jumping off of them just hours before she was scheduled to get ready for the civil union.   This led to undue stress and ten loads of laundry, unscheduled dog baths and frantic picking of the fleas.  At first, I thought she was kidding when she said the fleas were hopping off the dogs and on the floor; but, then I saw it with my two eye bulbs....I took one look at Freckles and a flea literally jumped off her back and onto the floor.

The picking of fleas, a last-minute wardrobe change (both of us), too small of white underwear (just me--no time to worry about that), an update to the vows (the wife), a change in the planned music (again, the wife, not me), a change in vehicles being used to get to the church (went in the new Mustang--despite everything I needed being in my car) and other such things led me to being late--well, later than we wanted, not technically late for the service--and, led to bickering beyond compare. 

Yes, bickering. 

In fact, we were so irritated with each other, the ordained minister had to step between us and tell us to knock it off.  The wife says, "You started it."  I probably did.  I was nervous beyond compare, everything I owned was in my car that was parked in the garage, there were fleas everywhere,  my underwear didn't fit and I was so excited I could barely remain conscious.  My goals were to stay upright, not blow a snot bubble, not poop my white pants, not sob.  I hadn't thought about "no bickering" as a goal to include on my list.

So, one of our friends hands us little purple bouquets she made for us, the ceremony starts exactly at 5 PM, our people are in place, the bickering has stopped.  Being that I was nervous, I kept leaning toward Master Pastor Reiki, reading along with her as she read the script.  She'd give me a little elbow shove, I'd lean right back in.  When not reading, I stared at the floor, the flowers, the wife's shoes, my shoes--anything but the wife.  It was noticeable enough that MJagger jabbed me in the back and loudly whispered, "look at your wife!" 

I tried.  I really did try.  But, I didn't want to cry or pass out so I stuck to leaning toward Master Pastor Reiki, reading the script and looking toward the ground.

I did look at the wife the entire time she read her vows, so that was a good thing.  Thankfully, I knew what she was going to say, so that helped me a lot.  Hearing it, though, is a lot better than reading it at the kitchen table.  Strangely enough, when she was done, I loudly said "thank you!"  That got quite the laugh.  I don't know what happened, but it just slipped out.  It seemed like the right thing to say.  I was thankful, after all.  The rest of the ceremony went swimmingly and eleven minutes later, it was over and we were dancing in the aisle.  Literally.

We had a few minutes of photo-taking so the eleven minutes could be properly documented.  MJagger insisted on a few "traditional shots," of which I had no need.  I indulged her need to have a photo of the "rings and flowers," of which I have included here.  I still can't believe I agreed to this, but I did. Oh, what we do for our friends.  For all of you asking, we did not get new rings.  We love our current rings.  We already have fabulous rings.  Besides, we spent all our money on back surgery & saving Freckles' life...money well spent, I might add.

Next came the signing of the license.  The State of Illinois needs to work on their civil union license.  It was very confusing.  We all took turns trying to figure out who was supposed to sign where, only there was nowhere to sign--it just asked for the printed names of the witnesses.   Even the "been-to-a lot-of weddings-heterosexual -type friends" didn't know how to fill it out.  We didn't have to sign it, they didn't have to sign it. Here's hoping we got it right. 

For those of you wondering: yes, I did get to wear my red-for-fun vegan Earth shoes.  I wore them to the restaurant and to our dessert outing.  We at a tasty dinner at a Mexican restaurant-our favorite food--and, then we went to Dairy Queen. We are a class act.  Only the best for our friends.

As we were eating our Blizzards and Peanut Butter Parfaits, a most wonderful thing happened: a rainbow appeared right over the Dairy Queen.  How gay is that?  Then, an even more wonderful thing happened: a double rainbow appeared.  I couldn't believe it!  I ran outside and took a photo, as illustrated in the photo above. 

Eleven perfect minutes and a double rainbow.  It doesn't get any better than that.