There's No Business Like Toe Business
This will have to be down and dirty, boys and girls, as time is of the essence--this is just a teaser until Friday night or Saturday morning. Tomorrow, I take my sad little piggy (remember those photos from back on February 2nd?) to a podiatrist. This is a huge leap for me as (1) I really do NOT like feet; and, (2) I really do NOT like feet. I am waving the white flag as my foot/toe/whatever still troubles me. I am sure to have LOTS to say about this after I see the doctor. I'm sure she'll say I had an injury that I don't remember; as long as she doesn't say I had an injury in the middle of the night when going to the bathroom and just don't remember it, all will be fine. Just giving information to the receptionist/whatever-her-job-title-might-be information on the issue was humorous. They want to know about all my broken bones. After listing all of them, she asks, "where you in a terrible car wreck?" And, I answered, "No--I'm just a lousy softball player."
I was held hostage for 13 minutes during her rapid-fire questioning about my general health. She finally got to the reason I am seeking a podiatrist and wanted to know about the issue: "Is it an injury?"
Me: "I don't know."
Lady: "Have you seen a doctor for this?
Me: "Yes. On February 2nd, at a walk in clinic."
Lady: "What was the diagnosis?"
Me: "I don't know."
Lady: "Oh, you don't remember what they said?"
Me: "No, I remember quite clearly--the doctor's literal diagnosis was I don't know."
And so, the hilarity began--a kind of "Who's on First?" happening.
I can't wait for tomorrow, as there is no business like toe business. I tremble at the thought of someone spending an entire examination staring at my feet. Photos sure to follow.
Was awakened at 4am by my husband saying "Percy (our cocker spaniel from hell) had peed in the bed. So I moved to the guest room as he then washed the comforter and proceeded to get ready for work. I was freezing and turned up the heat. Awoke at 7 with teeth chattering. Put on sweats, blanket and got back in to bed, teeth still chattering. Feeling forhead, it didn't feel like I had a fever, so I turned up the heat again...now, I am feeling fever. Ask roommate to drive me to ER down the street. I ask, is there a flu going around? Nurse says Yes. So, I'm thinking someone at some damn restaurant coughed their flu into my face and now I'm sick. The hook me up to saline - by the end of the day I had been given 4000 ml of saline. Nurse says must be a record in the ER - only had to pee twice. Doc comes in and says it could be Urinal Tract Infection or cancer of the bile duct....(did he say CANCER or did I mishear him?) They tell me they want to keep me overnight as test results won't come back for 36 hours but at least it hasn't spread to the liver. OK - what hasn't spread to the liver...CANCER? I tell them I would be much more comfortable at home. They give me antibiotics in with the saline and oral antibiotics to take for a week. Teeth stop chattering. I get meds and go home and wait for call. Then I look up bile duct cancer...3-5 years if it hasn't spread to the liver....WTF...A week goes by I don't hear from Doctor. So, I email my psychiatrist. Their office calls and says my Dr. needs to call me. I just ask her "Do I need to start selling my stuff" she said no. She said she didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Wait till Monday and go wait at Doctors office for results...an hour sitting there with roommate. We both come home with head colds from people not covering their mouths when they cough. Nurse calls me in and says "some numbers are high, some numbers are low and the Doctor doesn't seem concerned" - I email the results to classmate Eric Dybal, now a Urologist - his prognosis - maybe gall bladder infection. Honestly - I was in the ER and they don't know why. NO DIAGNOSIS. Same day my mother has a heart attack. I have to hear about it from an Uncle who saw my sister posted it on Facebook (since they disowned me).
ReplyDeleteSo, I can TOTALLY RELATE!
Maybe that is why it is called PRACTICING MEDICINE...