Getting Civilized

Finally! Finally I shall speak of civil unions in the State of Illinois. Yes, the not-so-progressive, so-broke-it-can't-pay-its-bills State of Illinois passed legislation making civil unions legal in the state. While it has yet to be signed by the Governor (dunno what he's waiting for), the law is ready for action upon his John Hancock. Starting June 1st, same sex and opposite sex couples can get civilized in the State of Illinois.....

.....How awesome is that? You don't have to be gay to be civilized in the State of Illinois. Ha ha!

If you are a nerd like me, you can read the actual legislation, found at Illinois General Assembly Civil Union Yadda Yadda. (Yes, you can ckick on that and get to the legal stuff. I find it quite interesting!) Basically, it says in order to get civilized, you have to be 18, you can't be related, you have to be single (not married and/or officially divorced--thank goodness I know where my divorce papers are!) and willing to follow a red tape trail similar to what people trying to get married swim through. I don't remember seeing anything about blood tests or such, but it's still early in the game. Details are soon to follow, I am sure.

Once signed into law by the Governor, we'll legally be able to visit each other in the hospital, live in the same nursing home room & get our grubby little hands on each other's retirement. Trust me, this works much more in my favor than the wife's favor. She can gladly have all $1.37 of my retirement fun.

If you are looking for lively banter about the pros and cons of civil unions vs. traditional marriage or an argument that civil unions aren't enough or spirited rantings about what Jesus would or would not have done in regards to same-sex couples getting together in a legal fashion or counter-arguments to concern that civil unions soil the sanctity of marriage, you won't find it here.

I am here to celebrate and party and boogie!

As far as I can tell, the actual event of getting civilized really isn't very romantic; in fact, it is more like a business partnership. You fill out some papers, you go to the clerk, you pay some money, you become civilized, you get some rights. The wife likes to look at it as a business transaction.

Whatever works. I'm all good with it. I asked, she said yes--that's what really matters. Well, that and jewelry. I anticipate she will be watching for new jewelry to enter her life in the next months. I do not anticipate a white-dress-church-ceremony shin dig (sorry, Wild mama), so don't be digging out any old bride's maid dresses just quite yet.

As it is a legal partnership, it is public record, which to me is no big deal. Who cares if our names end up in the paper announcing our application for civil union or if we end up on some county record? I hope that public record business leads to oodles of civil union congratulation gifts. (Side note: When the wife and I get civilized, anyone wishing to give us gifts should feel free to do so. We've been shelling out tons of money & gifts for your weddings, anniversaries, holidays, showers and various kiddie events for over a quarter of a century. A toaster, blender, box of ultra OB tampons, money, year's supply of Dove Dark Chocolate, personal checks, Benjamins, Packer Gear, cold hard cash, Xena paraphernalia and gift cards will graciously be accepted. Place-settings of china should probably be reserved for traditional heterosexual weddings, as we have no use for china. That's why they invented paper plates, isn't it?)

Here's the thing: having a civil union as public record is a HUGE deal for many of our teacher friends....and, for this I am very sad. I'd say over half of our friends are teachers, so this has the potential to severely cut down the volume of "Just Civilized" parties next summer. See, many teachers around these parts aren't able to be/choose not to be openly gay at work. It's almost a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of world. Many of our teacher friends are "out" in their private lives, but in the educational work world, not so much. So, when we asked various friends if they were "getting civilized," many of our teacher friends said NO. The reason? They are fearful of losing their jobs due to the nature of the event--civil unions are public record.

"Oh come on!" you say. "They can't be fired for being gay--that's illegal!"

Please don't tell me you believe that. Please tell me you didn't say that!

One can always be fired for one thing or another despite the reason truly being sexual orientation. (Actually, one can be fired for anything in Illinois, but let's not argue the pros and cons of at-will employment until everyone has consumed at least a six pack of beer each.) Discrimination based on sexual orientation is alive and well....and strong. Those hate-mongers picket just about everything that moves, have political clout and can be very organized.; thus, I respect the concerns of our teacher friends. They have a point that I hadn't considered when flitting in glee about the actual passage of the civil union bill. Now, I'm not saying all gay teachers are worried about this and I'm not going to argue whether or not teachers who don't go through with civil unions are the exact people that need to do it and I know many of our teacher friends will indeed be getting civilized without a second thought, but.....

A few nights ago, we were out to dinner with a teacher friend who teaches in a small, conservative, rural district. Despite being in a four billion year committed relationship, there is no way in hell she will agree to a civil union--trust me, I believe her when she says the town would know quickly and she'd be unemployed faster than you can say "bridal registry." They would love to have a legal recognition of their long term relationship....but, it won't be happening any time soon.

Did someone say bridal registry??? Hmmmm......good idea. Write that down.

Oh my, this is getting way too gloomy for such a happy topic! Let's get back to the happier, shinier merits of getting civilized. A whole ton of us will get civilized at the same time. We will party. We will celebrate together like there is no tomorrow. We will dance to tacky wedding songs like "Celebration" and "We Are Family." We will do the "Chicken Dance." We will give a whole new meaning to getting civilized. Do you realize how many people we know that will literally be getting civilized within hours of each other? A whole ton of fabulous, loving people! From people we've known for over 25 years to people we've just met, we are going to party.

Hmmmmmm......I'm gonna need to recruit my straight friends to serve as the bridesmaids as (1) they have all the experience in this department; (2) they look good in dresses; (3) they have been uber-supportive over the years and thus have earned the honor; and, (4) all my gay friends will be busy in line getting their civil unions on. Hear that, MJagger and Culver Griffendoor? You've got work to do. Pressure's on!

You know what's really kinda funny?????

......We are all gonna end up with the same anniversary date!

Please tell me we are not all going on a honeymoon together. ;-)
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