E....F...P....T....O....Z

I went for an eye exam today. As I have been wearing glasses since first grade, this is not traumatic, exciting, novel, foreign, fun, not fun. It is what it is. It's an eye exam.

Getting an eye exam was a HUGE event when I was a kid. First off, it was always awesome to get new lenses. I would always exclaim, "I can see to CHINA!" when I'd don that new pair. Secondly, it meant a special trip to see the 15o year old eye guy who looked like Tim Conway. How could you not love that? Third, it meant I could pick out new frames. New glasses were always a good thing. Since I was usually breaking or bending or chipping or warping my glasses, new ones were quite the treat. Finally, going for an eye exam meant we would get to walk through Goldblatt's to get back to the car--I always loved that because I could see all the sale signs with my new glasses--it WAS like being able to see to China!

Being as I am blind as a bat, I literally cannot see the chart, let alone the biggest letter on the chart. The doctor, always thinking this is funny, says "read me the letters you can see" and then laughs. He always waits a beat....laughs....then adds, "I know you can't see the chart!"

As if I didn't know he didn't know that.

Now that I've become more mature (read: older), I also have to do the reading glasses test. The doctor puts the contraption in front of my face, chuckles, and delightfully squeaks out, "read me what you can." I can't read those letters, either--although, I can see the letter "E" so I suppose I should be happy I can at least see the chart. He knows I can't read them and thus he has another laugh.

Somehow, his eyeball humor is always lost on me. Maybe it's because I've had glasses for so long. Maybe it's because I've heard his same "jokes" since 1987.

While I was seated in the waiting room, in the landing pattern waiting my turn, I got to overhear senior after senior ask for "those Sarah Palin Glasses." I kid you not. The place was hopping with seniors who all wanted those Sarah Palin Glasses. I'm not sure if she should be tickled pink or insulted.

I was surprised to learn that my eyesight has worsened, both my nearsightedness and my reading ability. (It's a cruel world where you can't see close OR far.) I didn't think things had changed until he demonstrated my current prescription with the one I chose ("one......or, two.......one.......or, two"). I was rather stunned.....

.....but, not as stunned as I was when I got the bill for the new glasses. Woof!


Alas, glasses are something I wear everyday and certainly cannot live without; so, once I got past the sticker shock, I was all good with it.

To pick out glasses and actually see what I might look like while wearing said glasses is impossible for me--I have to pick out the frames I like, have other people give their opinion and then go with what I figure is the best fit. Kinda sucks. I do try and get an idea--I put the frames on and put my face up to the mirror--sometimes, I end up leaving a nose print on the mirror because that's how close I basically have to get to see what is going on with the frames. This time, I employed the wife's help. Between her comments and my knowledge of what I need in a pair of glasses (the smallest lens I can get, the sturdiest frame, the comfortable fit, the in-style factor), I picked out a frame without too much fanfare. If I didn't have to get small lenses, I would have picked out something much more wild. With my prescription, I have to stay small. My face is already distorted enough with the little frames--I look like a blind bug with anything bigger.

Of course, I can't go too small or they can't fit the whole tri-focal thing in the frame. Oh, my achin' myopia!

It'll take a few days, if not a week or more, to get my new glasses as they have to special order the lenses. I'm all good with that, too. After all, when I do finally get to pick them up, I'll be able to see to China from the parking lot....

.....just like Sarah can see Russia out her back door.

No wonder all those seniors want Sarah Palin glasses......
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