Vegan-flavored Fantasy Football Fretting

Happy 2010. Do you say "twenty ten" or "two thousand ten?" I haven't decided yet.

For the new year, I had planned on eating a bit healthier (read: 1/2 pound of chocolate instead of one pound of chocolate per sitting). I had dreams of grandeur that I would follow the writings of "Skinny Bitch," because what they write makes perfect sense to me....besides, who doesn't want "to stop eating crap and start looking fabulous?" (Not to say I don't already look fabulous, but one can never look TOOOO fabulous.)

Unfortunately, two things transpired as of 8 AM this morning: (1) my copy of "Skinny Bitch" has yet to arrive via that mammoth bookstore on line and thus I haven't been able to digest the important information provided there (pun intended); and, (2) I found myself eating scones and brownies for breakfast today. (Hey, at least it's organic creamer in my coffee.) When I get the book, I'll let you know how it goes. If you haven't heard of it, I suggest you grab a copy while you're at that noble bookstore and scan it. Lots of foul words, lots of crude talk, lots of real life examples. Be warned, tho: you'll have to become a vegetarian to be on this adventure....and, I do believe they want you to be the other V word--vegan. Woof! Do you know how hard it is to be vegan? At least as a vegetarian, I can still down gallons of ice cream and put eggs in my pancakes. BTW, you can find more info at http://www.skinnybitch.net/

Today will be fraught with fantasy football fretting, which is actually quite unusual for me. My modus operandi is to (1) open the site; (2) scan the choices; (3) make the picks; (4) go eat something chocolate. No research, no struggling, no loss of brain cells. It's a game--a fun reason to banter with family and friends. But, now it's happened: I am technically in the run for pool money. Not the big money (and certainly not an easy stretch), but money nonetheless. You might not be excited about this, but since I started the year in absolute last place, this is quite the feat, so I am very excited. Of course, changing my method at this point of the game seems counter-productive, but.....money! glory! prestige! It messes with the mind. So......I made my picks as usual. I turned away from the website. I went and got some chocolate.....

....and, I've fretted ever since.

Every time the wife turns on ESPN, my head hurts. Oh no--they're sitting their starting quarterback! Oh no, they've benched their best receiver. Dear god, they've clinched the division--do they want home field advantage or will they sit their players? It's changed everything. There is no rhyme or reason to what is about to happen tomorrow. Teams that should win by huge margins will probably lose. Players that were sure bets are probably no bet.....

Of course, what's the first thing the wife does this A.M.? She turns on ESPN. I want to go screaming from the room but I cannot look away, just like it's impossible to truly look away from that zit video on TubeYou. (Trust me, if you haven't seen this video, you should take a gander. It is by far the most disgusting thing I have EVER seen in my entire life and I almost vomited while watching it--the gagging in the background doesn't help--but, if you want to see the most disgusting thing ever, go find it....but, don't say I didn't warn you.)

....I went back to my picks this morning. I have a few hours before I can no longer change them. Now, I am one of those people who subscribes to the "my first choices are always my best choices," just like it was when taking tests in school--always go with the first answer, don't go back and mess with the answers. So, I looked at the picks, I talked out loud about my picks, I asked the wife about players on teams as related to my picks.....

....and, then I turned away. I left my picks as is.

This is no time to change methods. If I win, so be it--it will be the way I've played the game all along. If I lose, so be it--as long as my dad rakes in the money, I'll be very glad with that. (Keep the glory in the family, that's what I say.) I will fret about these picks until the deadline. I'm hoping a trip to Club de la Sam, a Jillian workout and a few more brownies will help distract me from fretting too much....or, from going back and changing my picks. Maybe I can spend my day harvesting fake crops on Ville de la Farm. Maybe my Skinny Bitch book will come in the mail and I'll spend time fretting over becoming a vegan or giving up coffee.

....Or, maybe I'll look for that zit video again--that'll distract me from EVERYTHING.....

Happy twenty-ten, Happy two thousand ten, indeed.
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