The Bitch is Back

WHAT was I thinking????

Maybe I was thinking: "My new pants don't fit and I have to do SOMETHING about it."

Maybe I was thinking: "Gee, I'm not seeing my Beloved Lady Chiropractor enough these days--maybe I should try to trash my knee for the holidays."

Or, maybe I was thinking: "It's all MJagger's fault. Her injury is prohibiting me from working out." (Blame others--a tried and true method. Why I can't walk without her while she's on the injured reserve list is beyond me.)

Maybe it was a moment of weakness...or one too many Biggest Loser Episodes....or, a moment of perimenopausal hysteria.....

Whatever I was thinking, all I can tell you is the Bitch is BACK!

While shopping on line (supposedly for the holidays and birthdays), I came upon Jillian's two "new" workout DVDs. I could have easily navigated away from the page. I could have easily redirected myself back on my task of buying gifts on line. I could have run to the frig and stuffed a bag of Dove Dark Chocolate in my mouth. I could have clicked on the Book de la Face tab and began harvesting my crops.....

But, no. No, I clicked on the reviews and read them. Hmmmm, sounds like these are good work-outs......I noticed that the DVDs were on sale, complete with free shipping. I thought about how MJagger and I haven't been able to walk and how I'm a little bored with my favorite walker DVD Leslie (no offense to Leslie--just having a moment of weakness) and how I can't walk alone after work because it's dark and.....

....the next thing I knew, Jillian's work-out DVDs were in my cart and the order had been processed and I blacked out.

I was on my way to Jillian hell.

Those of you who are regular readers know this is a bad, bad thing (well, unless you are my chiropractor--then it's a great thing). It took me HOW many months to get my knee back in working order after doing Jillian's 30 day Shred???

It did WHAT to my buttocks? That 30 day shred blew those glutes right out of my pants.

It took me HOW LONG to break up with her, despite the pain and agony she brought me?

Well, she's back and you know I can't say no to her.

When I got home from work, I saw the box from Warrior.com (aka that website where you used to buy books but now buy everything) sitting on the stoop (complete with two dog treats rubber banded onto the box--our mail lady rocks). I was foolishly excited to see that my Jillian had arrived. Jillian squared, that is--two DVDs!

I opened the "Banish Fat" DVD first, thinking it'd be better to start with the one that didn't require using weights. (BTW, I HATE the packaging on CDs and DVD boxes. You have no idea how many finger nails I have broken trying to open those stupid things.) I skimmed the back of the box, seeing that the work-out should take about 45 minutes. No problem--MJagger and I have been walking 12 minute miles for three miles--that's kind of like doing a 45 minute workout. I looked at the front of the case: "Lose up to Five Pounds a Week!" Hmmm, doubt that, don't wanna do that, just want my pants to fit. (Well, and keep my healthy heart healthy. I suppose that would be on the top of my exercise-to-do list.) I ran upstairs, peed, put on my shorts, slapped on my sports bra (can't work out in my favorite Wally World Sponge Bobs bra) and ran downstairs to start the DVD.

I began the workout, all the while trying to keep my knee attached to my body. I was very careful and promised myself I wouldn't do any of the squatty things; rather, I would jog in place. I told myself to take it slow and easy. And, that was only during her introduction.

Suffice it to say, I made it through most of the workout. Okay, okay, so I skipped Circuit Six. Well, and part of Circuit Four--or, was it Five? But, otherwise, I did fine. Well, besides my knee hurting a bit when doing those moguls. I did at one point think about how I am not going to be able to walk tomorrow but I quickly forgot about that due to my inability to breathe while doing ab work. Not being able to breathe is a good distraction for anything.

I figure if I do a Jillian tape twice a week, walk twice a week outside and once a week inside (I won't forsake you, Leslie), I'll be good to go, my pants will fit, my heart will be strong AND I'll be able to continue my love affair with chocolate extreme blizzards......

I am already scheduled to see my Beloved Lady Chiropractor this week. It's my "once a month" check-up. I was going to give her a Christmas card while there because I won't see her again til after the holidays, but....

.....I think I'll hang on to the card, as I'm pretty certain I'll be needing additional chiropractic services before the holidays. After all, the Bitch is Back.....is that my knee making little whimpering noises?
*******************************************************************