Follow that Plane....

Ah, the week-long commute has come to an end. I learned a lot of things along the way....almost twenty hours of my life was wasted in one week--that deserves a blog. How DO you commuters do it??? Millions of you do it every work day. I basically "lost" about four hours a day traveling to/from Chicago this week. Commuters: your lives are wasting away--just say no!!! Bring a sleeping bag to work!

Here is what it looked like during the commutes. The important part of the picture is not me but rather the mold and staples in the background. I drove the "Mold Mobile" for a few of the commutes. If you aren't familiar with the "Mold Mobile," suffice it to say that our Saturn has more mold it in than a giant vat of bleu cheese, that you have to leave the window open for safety purposes (fresh air) and, if it were to rain during a commute, there would be more water inside the car that outside. (The obligatory pen is pointed out for MJagger's entertainment.)

For those of you thinking that I look mighty casual for someone going to formal employment-related training, you are right--my mission is always to be the most under-dressed in the room....and, I was quite successful in that endeavor. I am proud to report that I brought the level of attire "down;" by the end of the week, everyone was wearing jeans & t-shirts. Score one for moi!

I learned a lot during the week of commuting:

1. Do NOT rely on a cheap Wally World compass that has been in your glove compartment for a billion years. Okay, okay--most of you aren't going to use a compass during a commute. Um, none of you are going to use a compass while driving home from Chicago. I like to be creative; besides, I didn't have a map. (I used it as part of an art project awhile ago. Doesn't everyone?) I decided that the expressway looked horribly not-so-express-like, so I jumped on an unknown side street and started heading west. As I drove, I kept thinking: "I feel like I'm going north, not west," so I pulled out the compass--which immediately indicated I was going east. As I knew I was decidedly not going east in any capacity, this was of no help. I shook it a few times, spun it around in all directions, shook it again. As I was 99.99999% sure I was going northwest, I threw the compass on the floor and kept going, using a different method of determining direction....

2. Follow that Airplane! Being familiar with the landing pattern at O'Hare was extremely helpful, as all I had to do was look to the sky to point my way west. Seriously. I knew that the planes where heading toward the runway that runs parallel to the tollway of which I was trying to reach. As I was heading in the same direction as the landing planes (the ones with their landing gear down--another sign I was approaching O'Hare), I knew I would find the toll road. It worked swimmingly.

3. If the license plate indicated "Wisconsin," the driver was most decidedly in the LEFT lane, holding up traffic. This is no new news to Illinois drivers but since it is so frustrating, I thought I'd mention it once again. CHEESE HEADS--MOVE OVER!!! It's a passing lane, not a meandering lane. (While you are at it, stop riding your brakes!)

4. Automatic transmissions come in real handy during traffic jams. I may love my stick-shift Honda but it sure sucks in stop and go (more stop than go) traffic. (Hence I drove the automatic-transmissioned Mold Mobile.

5. Hybrids make total sense in traffic jams. Total. Of course, no one was driving hybrids around me but they make sense. (Bill boards also started to make sense. I actually read them while sitting there. Gentlemen's Club, Fibroid Surgery, Tattoo Expo, Radio Morning shows--I know all about them now.)

6. Multi-tasking while driving now seems reasonable (albeit dangerous) to me. I saw people reading the paper, putting on make-up, texting, eating breakfast, talking on the phone, writing things, even shaving while they were commuting. You have to do something while sitting in traffic not moving. Thankfully, I spent a lot of time under the landing pattern at O'Hare, so it gave me something to look at....and, I only texted while stopped in traffic, not while moving. Kind of.

7. I had an urge to pick my nose. Really. What is it about driving a car that would make people think to pick their nose?

8. No one goes the speed limit. It's either 20 miles an hour over the speed limit or 5 miles an hour under. Those going 5 under were the left-laned Wisconsinites. The ones going 20 mph over were the ones shaving, reading the paper & texting while driving. (Side note: Cruise Control was rendered useless, so it didn't matter that the Mold Mobile's Cruise Control is broken. Just about the time you set it, you have to SLAM on your brakes as the traffic has come to a mysterious stand-still.)

9. There is no timing the commute, at least as far as I could figure. What took me over two hours on Monday took me one hour, twenty five minutes on Thursday. I have no idea how people figure out what time they need to leave for work, as the actual commute could vary by huge increments of time.

10. It's a dog life. For the dogs, not me. Here's the photo the wife texted me while I was sitting in traffic. Lounging in the sun vs. sucking carbon monoxide, mold & airplane fumes. Thankfully, I'll have lots of time to lounge with the dogs now that I'm done commuting.

May I tell you how grateful I am for my six mile, 13 minute drive to work? Indeed.