Slaying the Blue Screen of Death

Note: If you see something like this on your computer, you should just call it a day and go get drunk.

Side Note to computer nerds of the world: Do not take this blog entry personally. I love most of you. You know I do. I live for you.

The pain in the Addiverse has been excruciating. The Blue Screen of Death (BSOD) has continued to suck my very soul right out of my body....

....but, then the computer store called said the computer was fixed. I thought all would be peachy in the world. I thought I would be dancing naked through the backyard. I thought the heavens would open and....

I was sadly mistaken.

Let me whine for awhile, won't you? You should be used to my whining by now.

The wife and I pick up the computer at the computer store. After choking up gobs of money (after all, the BSOD is not cheap to make go away), I am giddy with delight. I take it directly into the house, plug it in (it still doesn't have a working battery--that's on the way) and turn it on. I feel a huge wave of release come over me. I have a computer once again! The computer boots up, familiar screens appear, I hop on the Internet.....and.....

THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH RETURNS!!!

I am having visions of CHOKING the BLUE SCREEN right out of the computer man. I am SUICIDAL!

Not only have I wasted a pile of our money, I still have the BSOD standing between me and computer use. I decided I must take matters into my own hands. I have decided to be homicidal instead of suicidal.

Thankfully, there are lots of computer nerds out there, a few of which are friends on Face de la Book. One in particular has been saintly to me in the computer-woes department. He has provided some very helpful links and ideas. With his link help, I am able to figure out how to keep the computer from repeatedly re-booting in a Loop of Hell. This not only saves my sanity, it allows me to read what is actually on the BSOD. I read it, I take a picture of it (seriously!), I copy the code word for word. After about twenty re-boots and the removal of any software I can think of, I wave the white flag and call it a night.

In the morning, I take the computer to work (so I can torture myself, I guess) and leave it on my desk so I can glare at it while I make a hate-filled phone call to the computer man. I turn on the computer and it boots up just fine. I'm even able to hop on the Internet via some fool who hasn't protected their wireless. I leave my mean message for computer man and start to work.

Funny, the BSOD hasn't popped up once. Maybe I fixed it last night, after all! I begin to think I'm a genius, never a good sign. All morning, it is fine. No problem. I am doing a happy dance. With the help of Computer Cook, I have slayed the Blue Screen of Death!

The computer guy calls back. I am not nice. (I am also using the wife's name, so it's pretty funny that I am not being nice.) I tell him about the BSOD upon my arrival home. His profound words: "Well, it wasn't doing that when it was here. It was fine."

I almost growl out two not very nice words but control myself. I go through a list of what I think might have been wrong before I 'fixed' the problem myself. I express my disgust of how I had to fix it myself and he got the money for what I did. He eventually comes to the conclusion that I must have something loose inside, as he asked, "Did you move the computer?"

IT'S A FRIGGIN' LAPTOP! Of course I moved it! I move it all the time. He announced that he did not move it while working on it, explains again how it was the files not the hard drive, not the Norton, not this or that. When he says it's "the hammer" with the hard drive yadda yadda and that he surmises we need a new hard drive, I take a moment and then say, "So, you are telling me I should have just bought a new lap top instead of wasting all my money on this one."

Silence.

After a few seconds, Computer Man stupidly says, "I'll install the hard drive without charging you for labor."

Had I been standing in front of him, I would literally have choken his screen until HE turned blue. I am beyond angry. All that money and I could have just had a new lap top. I basically hang up on him. (Um, that's bad because we still have to take the computer back and get the new fan and computer. Like I said, I was using the wife's name, so I think I'll make HER go get those things.)

I take the computer home, plug it in and get ready to do a little work of my own before returning to the place of employment of which I do not speak. I turn it on.....

.....AND, THE STUPID BSOD IS BACK!!!! OH. MY. GOD. How IS this possible?

Well, I did have to move the lap top to get it home. So, is it the movement? Was he right? Is it the router in the house? Is it radon seeping from below? Bad Karma? Scary electomagnetic field surrounding the house?

I do not know.

And so, here I sit, lap top at home, me at the place of which I do not speak, using the computer before I start my day. I am morose. I'll try again tonight and hope for the best. It was suggested on line it might be that the computer is overheating (which is very plausible as we need a new fan) but that doesn't seem right as I had the problem upon turning the computer on when I got home and it was cold. I will re-start my Internet search for answers. I will chew on buying a new computer of which I do not have funds for. I will think about going cold turkey and not even have a computer....

....GASP! I can't do that! I'd have to go through detox.

Blue Screen of Death, here is your warning: your time on this plane is limited. I WILL slay you. I will rid you from my life, one way or the other.

Let's hope it's the cheapest way possible.

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