Blair Witch Stix

Since we are approaching our anniversary, I've been thinking a lot about funny things in our history. One event, of which I do not think I have yet written about, is the "Blair Witch Stix Project" MJagger and I pulled on the wife.

Many years ago, back when The Blair Witch Project was a big hit, the wife and I watched the movie. For some reason, the movie really got to the wife, although I don't think she realized it til much later. If you haven't seen the movie, suffice it to say it's a movie made with a really shaky camera about dumb people who go into the woods, find weird stick shaped creations, have bad things happen to them. Not much happens in the movie that in itself looks scary, but it did seem to scare many viewers. (It just made me nauseous with all that shaky filming.)

MJagger and I must have been bored at work one day because we decided it would be really funny to make one of those "Blair Witch Stix" doo-hickeys and put it in the wife's car, so when she came out of work, she'd find it and be at least momentarily freaked out. Now, the wife is no fool and can ALWAYS tell when I've been home and what I've done when there. She reads carpet and flooring, I swear. Her car is her shrine, and she can always tell if someone's even been near it, let alone touch it, so that would be a challenge. MJagger and I really had to think about this, as I was going to have to go home, get the wife's spare key for her car, place the Blair Witch Stix in the car without being seen, take the key back to the house and make sure everything remained undisturbed to the wife's eye. I knew the key would be the most important part of the mission, as if the car key was not hanging there when the wife got home, she would know for sure it had been me and how I got into her car.

MJagger and I went outside and found some sticks, perfect for the making of our little scary artifacts, and made our Witch Stix. It looked just like what was in the movie. Score! Then, it was off the house to begin our mission....

The hardest part was getting the carpeting not to show I had been there, so I stepped only when absolutely, positively necessary and then used my hands to smooth away my footprints from the carpeting as I left the area. I grabbed the spare key, careful not to touch ANYTHING in the process. I made sure the key hook remained perpendicular to the floor, that the remaining keys were all in a line. I didn't even drip any sweat, as I knew that would be a dead give-a-way.

When we got to the parking lot where the wife's car was parked, we had to move quickly. We dare not been seen! Using my sleeve to open the door handle (didn't want to leave any prints on the car), I opened the door and carefully placed the Blair Witch Stix on the floor. It looked GREAT and would have creeped me out had I been scared by the movie. Slowly, carefully I shut the door. As quick as we could, we squealed out of the parking lot and headed back to our house.

If I thought I was nervous the first time, the pressure was a billion-fold this time; after all, this time I'd have to make sure I got it "right" and that the carpeting was perfect. I hung the key up, worrying that they looked exactly the same as when I took it, smoothed the carpeting, left everything just as it was when the wife had gone to work in the morning. Now, all we had to do was wait.....

This was in the day before our owning of cell phones, so I had to literally wait until the end of my day to find out what happened. Suffice it to say, it was worth the wait.

The wife went to her car, got in and saw the Blair Witch Stix. At first, I do believe she was freaked out; but, after a few seconds of contemplation, she realized it was probably just me being funny. She drove home, little Witch Stix staring back at her. She entered the house, thinking she'd see I had been there...but, there were no signs. (I rock!) This got her brain going and she got a little more freaked out. She then became rational and assured herself I had come home and gotten the key and would bring it back when I returned from work....

.....but, there was the key, hanging RIGHT THERE!

The wife was now officially, completely freaked out! How could the stix get in the car if I didn't have the spare key? How could the key even be there? How could I have been in the house without leaving tell tale clues?!!!

FREAKED.
OUT.

When I got home, I played totally dumb. I was like, "what ARE you talking about?" I reminded her I don't have a key for her stupid car and that I hadn't been home during the day. "You can always tell what the hell I do when I'm around here and you're not--does it LOOK like I was here?"

FREAKED.
FREAKED.
OUT!

Here face was priceless.

My fun was only momentary, as I couldn't help but laugh. The joke had been a complete success, so it was only fair I confess.

You know, maybe I should go find some sticks and arrange them Witch Stix style and give them to her for the pending anniversary....or, feel free to make some of your own and put them around our house to help us celebrate.....!