Broken Hearts Club

Not my heart, silly. All is good with my heart, although this day of remembrance is heavy on my heart....and, the thought of domestic violence makes it hurt just a little more.

Do you remember where you where last year on this day?

I do.

I was standing in Cheeseball Neighbor's living room, vacuuming. The wife was in the kitchen, cleaning this and that. It was the day after Cheeseball Neighbor had been robbed and we were trying to help her pick up the pieces, literally & figuratively. She had the TV on, kind of background noise. It was around 3:00 pm. I was thinking about how she needed a new vacuum when the news started breaking into whatever we had been "watching." I stood there watching, held tilted in confusion, not understanding what the announcer was saying, not exactly "getting" what I was watching.

It was the NIU shootings and it certainly wasn't making any sense to me.

And so, that day and that place and those people and Cheeseball neighbor's vacuum will always be etched into my brain. As it's my alma mater and as it's only 40 or so miles away and since it was such a horrific event in our own back yard, I will never forget. I will think of Master Reiki working in the building next to where the shootings occur. I will think of my friend, PSR grrrl, alum and grief counselor, trying to help the campus grieve. I will remember the memorial service. I will even remember the Governor I so despised give a very good speech at that memorial service.

I am wearing my NIU sweatshirt today, with my NIU t-shirt underneath. I wear it in honor of those who were killed, those who witnessed the killing, those who lost friends/children/loved ones, those who worked so hard to help the campus recover, those who make the campus safer today.

Forward, together forward. Keep moving forward.

And then, there is Rhianna. Got the tar beaten out of her by her boyfriend, Chris Brown. Wow, that'll show her, eh Chris? A beautiful, talented, very young girl, beaten to the point there are choke marks on her throat and parts of her face so swollen.....what a manly man you are.

The worst part? She'll probably go back to you. The cycle of abuse works that way. You'll be remorseful, babble about getting help and changing your ways, act all apologetic and morose. You'll go public, using the media to promote your recovery, your hard work, your apologies. And, you probably are sorry--but, more for your own career than her face you just smashed. Oh, you'll fool yourself into thinking you are sorry and that you really have changed, but I know better. I'm one of those counselors that works with those who have been abused, violated, harmed, beaten both emotionally & physically. You'll fool her and she'll at least think about coming back. I don't understand that thinking, but I can empathize with it. It's easy for me to say that if anyone ever abused me physically, I'd be outta there so fast that the door wouldn't even hit me in the ass on the way out. It's easy for me to say I have enough self confidence that I would never stay during such violence. But, I have never been in that position of domestic violence and so I can't say for sure.

You abusers are REALLY good at what you do and the cycle of abuse is a powerful thing.

So, Rhianna, I say to you: don't go back. Get help. Love yourself. Love yourself enough to say this was not right in any capacity. Love yourself enough to go to counseling and end the cycle of abuse. You are so, so talented and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let the cycle suck you in. Don't let Chris Brown suck you in. No matter how much he says he loves you, no matter what he promises, no matter how sorry he says he is, don't go back. It will probably be really, really hard to not go back, but I implore you not to. This Valentine's Day, love yourself.

Oh dear, this is a really maudlin blog posting......especially for a day that's supposed to be filled with love, love, love (and chocolate--let's not forget the chocolate). I still feel the love and the wife & I will have a really fun day and we'll celebrate another year together and we'll have funny memories to share with friends we see today. But, there will still be that little, teeny pain in all our hearts. I'll get over myself and my emotional rantings, but it will still be there. I say to you "Happy Valentine's Day." I hope it's full of love and chocolate. I also say to you, "Keep those with broken hearts in your mind and in your prayers." They need our help.

Forward, together forward. Today and always. May you feel the love today.