Favre-aroid

First, I must give credit: This photo is from mswisher.blogspot.com for this photo. Second, don't get used to me writing two days in a row. You know I am a two to three times a week kind of blogging gal. But with all the fibroid developments, it is only fitting I go back to back with entries.

If you haven't read the last post about the wife's fibroid woes, please go back and read that first because I don't want you to miss one little bit of the Fibroid Follies.

Keeping you in the loop: the wife's hoo hoo test today didn't involve her hoo hoo, so she was very relieved. It was a pelvic-- external-- sonogram, so she was quite relieved, indeed. More on that in a bit.

I am here to tell you: the fibroids are all Brett Favre's fault.

Freida Fibroid is a Favre-aroid. It's kind of like a hemorrhoid only better. I think.

We decided that Frieda was a Favre-oid while watching the Packer-Bear game yesterday with Master Reiki, Blue Eyes and Cinder-ella. As we are all rather oujui oujui (read: wee-gee, wee-gee) in our holistic beliefs, it was only natural (pun intended) that we would consider alternative approaches to addressing the grapefruit-sized Frieda. Everything we consulted--on line and in books--suggested that the wife was holding on to something that she needed to let go of....like a dead end relationship. We lamented over this, as the wife insisted I was NOT the problem (well, I'm a problem but not that kind of problem). We contemplated many interpretations of the issue when it came to the wife.....

....she cannot let go of the whole Brett Favre retire-unretire-now-a-NY Jet thing.

I'm serious here.

The wife has been obsessed, possessed, distressed about Brett Favre since the moment he announced his retirement. She then became a crazed woman when he had the balls to un-retire(as I have previously blogged in depth many a blog ago). How dare he! How could he be so disloyal? She was SURE he was different than all those other crusty players who didn't know when to say when.

And now that the season is here? The wife continues to struggle, wrestle, be consumed with ol' Number 4. She wants him to suck. She wants him to hurt. She wishes he had never left the Packers, yet the new guy is doing just fine. She really doesn't want him to suck. She doesn't want him to hurt. She wants him to retire. How could he un-retire? It's all too much for her little Cheesehead brain.

Loyalty. The wife is all about loyalty and now she can't let it--him--go.

Some of you are thinking: IT'S A GAME. You are right, it IS a game. But, if you are saying this, you are not from Wisconsin. They are a different breed. They talk about the Packers in terms of "we." Brett Favre has a direct impact on the Cheesehead nation. Some have been able to move on....others....not so much.

A Favre-aroid. She needs a Favre-oid-ectomy.

So, the wife is practicing her new mantra about letting go and about healing. In the meantime, she'll be doing some reflexology, reiki, herb-taking and castor oil packing (it's an external thing, not internal, so don't panic just quite yet). Scoff if you must. It can't hurt to try, her "team" believes in it and it's something to do while waiting for the doctor appointment and it's a hell of a lot better than fretting about a hysterectomy at this point of the game.

As for the sonogram....the wife was not pleased to learn that she has MANY fibroids, not just one. She also learned that her poor ol' uterus is jumbo. While this is rather distressing to learn, it is a nice thing to hear in terms of why the "pooch" might be poochier than it has been. It's a fibroid filled pooch. Damn that Favre-oid. He has friends in there! It's the whole offensive line!

The wife doesn't see the doctor until November 29th. That's 12 days away. That's a long time to wait for an appointment....but, it gives us time to shrink those puppies. I believe we can help. I believe the wife can help. I believe the castor oil can help. I believe the Universe can help. I believe drinking less diet pop can help (I threw that last one in for a hint to the wife).

I just don't think Brett Favre will help. So, Brett, we release you. The wife releases you. The Packers release you. The entire state of Wisconsin releases you. It's time to move on.

WE don't have time for you. It's time for Dancing with the Stars and some Castor Oil. I can't think of a better way to spend a Monday night......

.....unless it's doing a Favre-roid-ectomy. Reiki, here I come!