This and That

 It's Saturday and that means I have a little of this and a little of that left over from the week. 

  The Cedar Wax Wings have returned today (an entire flock flitting to and fro in the crab apple trees, so I thought I'd post a photo of one in honor of their return. Who doesn't love seeing a cedar wax wing first thing in the day?

A friendly word of advice from a professional counselor to Madonna who this week referred to her soon-to-be ex-husband as an "emotional retard" during a recent concert on her current "Sticky and Sweet Tour: SHUT UP! Are you stupid? You have a bazillion dollars and NO pre-nuptual contract. There's this stuff--it's call ammo and you are so giving it to him. Don't say I didn't warn you. You can mean or sassy or whatever things about someone else, just step away from the hubby, emotionally retarded or not. 

  Wondering out loud about "She Who Must Not Be Named:" I hear she is going to be on Saturday Night Live tonight. Think they'll have her play Tina Fey and have her do the SNL news??? We know she can read a script and I bet she'd be funny even though I don't want to put one ounce of positive energy toward that campaign. You know, Madonna HAS made fun of SWMNBN during the current concert tour...I hope she sticks with that instead of her hubby. Making fun of politicians is always politically correct in my book. (Well, unless you are the Dixie Chicks. That didn't work out too good for them.) 

  Bat Guano on my knee? I went and saw my belove lady chiropractor the other day. I'm sitting on this table (a normal examination table, not one of those weird contraption tables) and she's looking at my knee (of which may I just say I need to shave better before presenting it to the world--there were some mighty scary strays sticking up here and there) and says, "have I ever talked to you about using guano on your knee?" 

  I must have had a mighty weird look on my face...but, that would be understandable because I thought she had just asked if she could rub bat poop on my knee. (An internet search of "guano chirorprator" brought up nothing. I didn't think it would but it never hurts to take a peek.) I never did ask her to repeat what she just said because I was too busy looking at the small little brown squarish thing in her hand. It looked kind of like what you use to scrape off the crusties from a Pampered Chef cookie sheet. I'm not sure if was plastic or stone but it was round and smooth and brown. So, she squeezes a blob of goop onto my leg and starts using this "bat guana" thing on my hairy knee. It was rather amazing and not exactly what I was expecting anyone to do. Further internet searches on line suggest that she was using the Graston Technique, maybe using a GuaSha tool, which sure sounds like Guano....but the photos on line didn't look exactly like what was transpiring on my knee, so I remain confused but very intrigued. 

  What this "bat guano knee treatment" does is break up the scarred tissue in and the knee, of which I know there is much all around that poor joint. I've got scar tissue in there from 1976. Really. Things are crackling and popping and smooshing as she's rubbing this gooey stuff all around, turning the skin on the knee red. She assured me this is what her goal is: to bring blood to the area. I'm all for it because it feels really good in an "indian sunburn" kind of way. (Remember giving each other "Indian Sunburns" to each other as kids? Who the hell thinks up those kind of things?) Unfortunately, the technique does nothing for the stray knee hairs. 

  I have to say, my knee felt good for the rest of the day. I cannot say that this morning, but the ache is quite bearable and I am beginning to believe this chiropractor thing might actually work. (On a side note, I have yet to figure out how MBLC (my beloved Lady Chiropractor) ended up with Dr. Jesus, as she seems to have nothing in common with him. She came from a major metropolitan area, from a really fun, very progressive neighborhood. How the hell did she end up here? I can't imagine she'll be staying long. Sigh. The good ones never do.)

(Side side note: think I should be working on both knees at the same time? I don't have any problems with my other knee but whose to say that won't be a problem after my "bad" knee is better??? I think I might want to have bat guano on both knees at the same time...) 

And, finally: Feel my envy about the 2009 Xena Convention in Los Angeles: I am so envious about those who are going to be in attendance at the Xena Convention in LA late January 2009 as ALL of the stars I love will be there. Lucy Lawless, Renee O'Connor, Jaqueline Kim, Victoria Pratt....the list goes on and on. (I know you probably don't know who the hell I am babbling about but real Xena fans do and they, too understand my angst.) Now, I do not see attendance at this convention in my future but one can daydream about it. This time, I'd get my photo with Renee O'Connor, although she's much shorter than Lucy and thus there would be no Renee boob on my chest. I'd also stand in line to get Renee's autograph, as it is a very rare occurance for Lucy or Renee to sign photos while the guest is standing there. Who can blame them? All us weird Xena stalkers would want to talk for days and say weird things about how much the show changed their lives blah blah blah. I'd think therapy for Renee would be mandatory after all that fan love. 

  BTW, see that photo of Renee, aka Gabrielle Bard of Poteidaia, from "afterellen.com?" That's how I am going to look after finishing my bat guano knee treatments. Well, I'm hoping not to be running away from exploding fire bombs, but otherwise, I'm gonna be good to go, ready to run to Xena conventions everywhere. 

Who needs Jillian when you have bat guano knee and visions of Renee O'Connor?