AMY ROLOFF ROCKS!

I don't want to talk about crashing stock markets and decimated retirement funds. I want to talk about the "Little People."

Today, one of the wife's biggest dreams came true-- she got to see Amy Roloff in person. We purchased tickets to attend a luncheon for a local not-for-profit fund-raiser and Amy was the featured speaker. We purchased these tickets the day they went on sale. Actually, the wife called the agency BEFORE the tickets even went on sale--that's how excited she was about Amy Roloff coming to town.

If you are asking who Amy Roloff is, don't ask the wife. She'll weep.

I am here to enlighten you. Amy is a star. She is an entertainer, a mother, a coach, a teacher, a speaker, a wife. She also happens to be a "little person." If you watch TLC (The Learning Channel), you've seen her and her family. If you haven't been watching TLC, shame on you. Get watching.

The wife LOVES "Little People, Big World." I've blogged about it before--both the show and the wife's love of the show. "LPBW" really is hilarious and it's not because they are little people; it's because they are normal people who happen to live funny lives in a messy house who happen to be little people. I know there are some out there who are only watching because they find it to be a freak show. Shame on them, too. The Little People are quite the family, stature of no consequence. (Well, they probably wouldn't have a TV show if they weren't little people and thus I wouldn't know about they funny family had they not been little people, so I suppose I stand corrected.) She is all excited because Season Four is just about to begin.

The wife and I make arrangements to meet at the luncheon site, as we are both coming from our places of employment and it's easier to just meet there than to try and coordinate our transportation efforts. So, I pull into the parking lot of the banquet hall and it's a zoo. I mean it is a FRIGGIN' ZOO! This little people thing is big business. Cars are shooting out all over, the media is swarming all over the place, people are zig zagging between parked cars. I text message the wife to warn her of the zoo-ish-ness of the parking lot. I enter the building and am stunned by the number of people trying to squeeze into the banquet room. We're talking volumes of people. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't this. I guess I figured a couple hundred people would be there. No, there were between SIX hundred and SEVEN hundred people in attendance.

The wife wanders in and we find our table.....RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE, something like FIFTEEN FEET FROM THE STAGE! We are going to be sitting right there when Amy is talking. We are going to be able to see her nose hairs (not that I really want to see that but I could see them if I wanted to). I am incredulous. There are like 700 people here and we are in the front. We are seated at the table with a HUGE "Little People, Big World" fan. In fact, this lady is talking about all the different episodes, recalling this episode or that episode. It was like listening to me talk about all the Xena Episodes I have watched (and now own). This lady is cracking me up. I thought the wife was excited about this lunch--this lady is uber-super-excited. She's got her camera and she's giddy with her table placement and she's yippin' and a yappin' about the Roloff family. I am feeling the love all around me.

The wife is eating lunch, looking around for Amy. We mistakenly think she's probably back stage, eating with a few select persons. We're talking and eating (well, everyone else is eating--I am waiting for my vegetarian meal which is ALWAYS late at this particular place and I ALWAYS end up getting my food AFTER everyone else has finished their food...and today's lunch was no exception--I had to go find the damn manager to get my lunch and in true fashion, everyone was indeed done eating by the time I started) and Duh! If we had really taken a gander around, we would have noticed she was at the table kitty-corner from us. Amy Roloff was RIGHT THERE and we didn't see her.

Don't you dare make any wise cracks that we didn't see her because she is so small. That would be naughty. We didn't see her because we didn't look. Besides, she was sitting on something and was at the same height as everyone. She blended in, not surprisingly.

Now, I was happy to be going to the lunch but I can't say I was pee-in-your-pants excited...but, I'd like to say that I truly enjoyed Amy's presentation. Candid, funny, informative--she was a really good speaker and she held my interest the entire time (and THAT is quite a feat with my short ADD attention span). I'd venture to say I was enamored. I also think she is better looking in person than on TV--funny how that always happens. People always look better in person, or at least I think so. (I KNOW Lucy Lawless looked blindingly wonderful when I met her, not that she looked too shabby on TV.......) Amy held the audience's attention for the entire presentation, not an easy feat after everyone has just shoveled a large lunch down their traps. And, talk she did. This was not fifteen minute shin-dig. The lady talked for 45 minutes, maybe more. I dunno. I didn't care. I didn't look at my watch until she was done and we were giving her a standing ovation.

Yes, we gave her a standing ovation. She deserved it.

I could recall all the topics, the stories, the dialogue, but I'm not gonna. Suffice it to say it was good, it was fun, it deserved a standing ovation.

The wife had a tear. Not surprising, knowing her, but she did indeed have a tear. I'll give her that. I wouldn't have a tear about this but I understand why the wife might and I didn't even tease her about it. I gave her her moment and left it at that.

After all, she loves the Little People and I would never poop on that parade.