Tonight: Dancing with the Stars. Am I excited or what? I'm guessing this will be Marie Osmond's last week. How can they kick Jenny Garth off when Richard Simmons came to cheer her on & made her cry? Believe in yourself, Jenny! (Well, you'll be going home, but believe in yourself, anyways....)

Speaking of the Osmonds, did you see them on Oprah last Friday? Loved it! I had a tear. (Don't tell anyone.) The wife is way excited that Marie has made a Christmas Album. If you need an Osmond fix, cut and paste: http://www.osmond.com/



Chocolate-Coated Weekend: The wife and I were tromping through the local mall last Saturday....we hate the mall but had to go there because they moved the Barnes & Noble to the mall (the rat bastards!). Imagine our surprise when we ran right into a little kiosk filled with SEES CANDY--right in our mall! The wife and I looked at each other and then drooled on the boxes and boxes of chocolate. Molasses heaven!

Most of you Midwesterners are thinking, "what the hell is See's Candy?" It's my mother & father's fault that we love See's, as discovered when the lived in California. Ever since tasting the chocolate of the west, I am hard pressed to say Fannie May is better than See's, and for me to say that means something....after all, I am a Chicago-Fannie-May-raised kind of girl. If I had to pick between a Pixie and a Molasses chip.....I'd have to think long and hard about it.

The teeny bopper who was working the booth seemed pleased to finally have someone actually recognize her product. She gave us lots of free samples--yeah!--and we had plenty of time to discuss the merits of the various boxed sets of chocolate wonder. When I mentioned my parents had lived in California, I thought she's burst an ovary--she ran right over to a row of candies, pointing out that "THESE!" are the favorite in California.

We'll see. We'll ask my father.

AND, FINALLY: I'm trying to get on track with the poop talk; thus, it's time to talk about things that probably should not be mentioned....

....parasites!

MJagger, god love her, is convinced she has parasites--you know--worms in her poop. I have NOT been witness to this, but her description left me nauseous. (I'm not sure she wants it announced to the world that she thinks she has worms, but I can't resist. How can I NOT write about this?) For the record, I do NOT think MJagger has any type of worm, but until I can see what shoots out of her butt, I will not be able to confirm or deny this.

You know what it means when someone says something as unusual as "I think I have worms?" GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH!

The Internet is an amazing thing and Google just makes it that much better. Where else could you type in "intestinal parasites" and instantly see some of the most wonderfully disgusting photos on the planet?

I could provide some photos related to this problem, but I will spare you. Suffice it to say, there are A LOT of gross, disgusting photos out there. I have SOME standards, for pete's sake. I'll just see if MJagger wants to do a colon and parasite cleanse, we'll do it and I'll report the "findings."

Until then, I have to go vote for Jenny.....