Way So Great America
(Before I talk about going to Great America, I wanted to share a picture of the Japanese Beetle Bag-o-bugs from the back yard. You can't really see what's going on but if you look at the top of the trap on the yellow part you can see all the beetles swimming around before falling into the bag. You can see some of them on the tree, too. Blech! The photo does not do justice to how disgusting it was out there.)

Anywhoo, I went to the doctor on Wednesday and was cleared of a need for a heart transplant or quintuple bypass surgery or pacemaker or any other ridiculous thing (ha ha--making fun of myself being in an emergency room while on vacation), so I thought it might be in order for some actual fun during this non-vacation vacation. I'm still in a lot of push-up-pleurisy pain but I'm getting stir crazy and really bored. I hate sitting around so much. A day or two is fine, but this is getting ridiculous. Besides, all this free time gives me more time to think about The Governor and you KNOW that can't be very good for my health. (Side note: the doctor did offer me the chance to do a stress test, but I passed. I'm Sporty Five and don't have time to do such mundane things. I promised her I'd do it when I'm fifty. I also have to go back and get my cholesterol tested--I guess I should stop eating a bowl of ice cream a day before I go do that.) So, the wife and I went ahead with plans to join my sister and the three nieces for a day of fun at Six Flags Great America. I knew I wouldn't be able to do much of anything but eat and walk, but that sounded a hell of a lot more fun than sitting on the couch one more day.

My sister and her three daughters are professional Six Flagg-ers. They have season passes, they travel the country to go to different Six Flags parks, they know all the tricks, they buy "Fast Pass-Gold Level" thingies, they have a parking permit for premium parking spots. The wife was in awe. These people know how to work a park. I have to tell you, it was rather a blur and it wasn't just because I was taking pain medication--it was park hopping at warp speed, on a professional level. The wife and eldest niece went on every single roller coaster but one within six hours. Back in the day when I actually rode those roller coasters, you'd be lucky to get on three in a day because the lines are so long. Oh no--not with the Gold Level Fast Pass--you run from ride to ride and hope to catch your breath in between. (For the record: the wife looked green only once during the day--after getting off the Deja Vu roller coaster. She regained her color after a few minutes and headed off to the next ride. My hero!)

Me? I stayed safely on the ground with my sister. It was 157 degrees in the shade and let me tell you--there is NOT a lot of shade at Great America. You have to kind of squeeze yourself into the shade made by the various buildings. So, we basically sat around and sweated profusely. Blacktop and searing heat. Mmm, a tasty combination! My sister stated that she was "melting from the inside out." Trust me--I knew what she meant.

To the left is a photo of the wife, eldest niece and middle niece--well, a photo of their feet--second row. I'm not kidding. Eldest niece--black shoes. Wife--bare feet (can't wear your flip flops on the ride). Middle niece--black shoes. I was pretty impressed with my photography to catch this shot. I was more impressed with the wife's ability to spend a day at Great America in flip flops. She doesn't recommend it. I spent a lot of time looking up toward feet trying to find them. My sister was really good at spotting our peeps.


I confess that I would have only gone on a few of the roller coasters had I actually been able to do so--being on the "injured reserve" really didn't stop me from doing what I would have usually done--stay on the ground, eat a lot of sugary filled treats, sweat a lot. I'd like to pretend that I would have gone on the rides with the wife and Eldest niece had I been in acceptable Sporty Five form, but it's not nice to lie. I probably would have gone on three of the roller coasters and then found somewhere to hide.

I did go on two rides: the train (we made that one a family affair) and one spin on the Merry-go-round with youngest niece (and trust me, I didn't want to go on that--I wasn't sure I'd be able to get on and off the horse). I also sat in a demo seat for the Superman ride. (They have these demo seats posted in front of the line so you can determine if you are too fat to get the seat safety bar down.) I figure sitting in this demo seat should count for something:


Kind of looks like I'm in a baby stroller, doesn't it??!!!!


Very appropriate!





So, what did I learn at Great America while having a way fun day?

• Always hang around with season pass holders. They know what they are doing and you don't have to waste any time.

• It's probably not wise to go to Great America when you have pleurisy.

• Six Flags is not exactly vegetarian friendly.
  

• Pizza costs $7 a slice, so go get the full chicken dinner instead (for $8.00). Well, unless you are a vegetarian--then, get the pizza.
  

• Don't wear flip flops.
  

• The churros aren't as good as they were when I was a younger fool visiting the park.
  

• Do wear a bra. (I will leave it at that.)
  

• Get the Fast Pass. Don't whine about the extra cost. I don't even like the rides and thought it was well worth it.

• The wife is a bigger roller coaster goddess than I ever imagined.

• Eldest niece is fearless. (I love that in a person!)

• Don't go on The Viper right after Hurricane Harbor closes (cuz that's where everyone runs to at HH's exit).

• Never eat a big, processed, bagged chocolate chip cookie at an amusement park. Wait til you get home and get some real cookies.

• Watch out for really big semi trucks when driving on the tollway.

• Take sun screen and ibuprofen with cuz you are going to need it.

• Hang on to your cell phone.

• Have a cell phone so you can find each other (what did we do before the age of cell phones?).

• Always take someone along who will sit in the shade with you when you aren't riding the rides.

• Bring your credit card because you are going to need it.

• There are a lot of really bad tattoos out in the world.

• There are a lot of scary-looking pierced belly buttons in the world, too.

• Buy the $10 pop and keep refilling it for a $1.oo a time. It's a better deal than paying $3.50 for one bottle of water.

• Be nice to Bugs Bunny. Always. Being mean to Bugs would be like being mean to Mickey Mouse and that is rather sacrilegious.....

• It's okay to go to Great America on a 157 degree day cuz everyone will be in Hurricane Harbor or too stupid to be there on such a hot day or they've all passed out and thus the lines are shorter....

• Take a nap when it's all over. That, and take some pain pills. Then, it's all good.