Push-up Pleurisy and Itching Dogs:
How I spent my Summer Vacation Part II

It's 4:30 AM on the second day of my summer vacation and I'm sitting on the couch, smacking Freckles because she just won't stop licking and had I not removed her from the bedroom, I think the wife might have thrown her out the window. That, and as I have "push-up Pleurisy," it's easier to sit up than lie in bed. Thus, I figured blogging would be a productive thing to do.

Let's start with the pleurisy. I spent the first weekday of my summer vacation in an emergency room. My, there's a fun time. It was all because I had chest pain. Sporty-five is not off to a good start and I'm hear to tell you why.

While we were vacationing with the friends this past weekend, I had a problem--I was having chest pain. Being the good guest, I decided not to say anything. After all, telling people, "Um, I'm sorta having chest pain" while everyone is enjoying a good pontoon ride is rather a killjoy. It didn't really bother me except, well, the pain DID wake me up at 4:30 AM during the visit and I started thinking about how my uncle dropped dead of a heart attack when he was even younger than the age I am right now and how my father had open heart surgery at basically the age I am right now....and my grandmother dropped dead of a heart attack and.... I voted I was NOT going to have a heart attack on vacation. I said some prayers, asked for Grover the spirt guide to intervene and tried to go back to sleep, holding a pillow tightly to my chest. In the morning, I surreptitiously searched the cabin for aspirin, as I've heard you're supposed to take one aspirin if you think you are having a heart attack. Alas, I couldn't find an aspirin so I decided if the pain got worse, I'd say something and get my sorry ass off the pontoon and to the local ER.

To be honest, there were moments of sheer terror. By the time we got home, the anxiety was going and the brain was racing and the chest hurting even more. I took the car, went and bought some baby aspirin and finally decided to tell the wife about the chest pain. I worked myself right up to having anxiety out the ass. I told her we'd wait until morning to go to the doctor. Her answer: get the computer and check out symptoms of heart attack. (I've taught her well.) After many questions, she decided I wasn't having a heart attack and that I could wait until the AM for medical attention.

So morning comes and I vote to go to the doctor. I get the appointment set up and then talk to MJagger by phone. Being the voice of reason, she is like--are you stupid? Go to the ER! I shaved my legs and arm pits, put on my best bra and new undies and had the wife take me to the ER. (The Catholic one, of course. If I'm gonna have a heart attack, I might as well be close to a priest.)

Tell the ER you are having chest pain and things start happening. There isn't much waiting to be had. They basically whisk you in and start plugging things on you and take volumes of blood and they take x-rays and then hand you four baby aspirin. (See? I was right about that aspirin!) They asked all the questions the wife had asked the night before--you go, Dr. Wife!) and prod around. I personally was excited to see my doctor was the guy that had sewn my face when I got beaned in the head during a softball coaching injury. (That's a whole 'nother story.) Then, they disappear and leave you to your own anxiety and devices.

Needless to say I was not having a heart attack (yeah!) but was diagnosed with, are you ready for this: atypical chest pain. Oh, there's a definitive answer! The doctor indicated it was pleurisy--basically an irritation or swelling of the stuff that surrounds your lungs and chest cavity. We're not talking the bacterial or viral kind of pleurisy you're always hearing about. No, we're talking about "push-up pleurisy:" meaning, I actually injured my insides when doing those push ups ten days ago.

I am SO not sport five! I've injured my insides doing god-dang push-ups!

(It's okay to laugh. Really. Only I could injury my pleura doing push ups.)

Alas, there is not much to do about it except sleep holding a pillow, lying on the side that hurts (and yes, that did indeed help) and take medication. His choice was Vicodan but I voted not to fill that prescription unless the pain becomes so bad there is blood shooting out of my eyes. Well--and not do push ups. He tells me to follow up with my doctor and if the pain doesn't stop, I should take a stress test. I'm thinking I'll call my psychiatrist and get some anti-anxiety medication instead of wasting my time on Vicodan....

I will never again make fun of someone with pleurisy because I am telling you it's painful and I'm not one to shy away from pain.

I can't wait to see what today's day of vacation brings.....