Things go better with....

Things go better with....

.....A MEGA-GIANT-SUPER-COLOSSAL MC DONALD's COCA-COLA, that is.

Not a restaurant-made Coke. Not a tavern Coke. Not a Coke out of a can. A Coke from McDonald's, fresh out of the fountain, bubbly crisp, clean and orgasmic.

Yes, it's that time of year again--McDonald's has "brought back" their summer special of the biggest Coke on the Planet selling for pennies. Okay, so it's 79 cents for 44 oz of pure caffeinated, sugarified gold. ...that's almost like getting it for free. It's certainly bigger than your head.

How do I know it's that time of year again? Because I see the wife and three zillion other people toting around those gianormous cups of Coke with the golden arches on the plastic vats. If I can't find the wife, I just have to go to the nearest McD's and I'll find her in line refilling her nectar of the Gods. 

Personally, I think it's an addictive property and consumer greed that has led to her downfall.... and I think McDonald's is lacing that Coke with something that makes its consumers giddy with delight. Ask anyone who drinks Coke--diet or not--at McDonald's and you're bound to be the witness to a loving smile and a blank look off into the distance as if the person is having a Coca-Cola flashback. I've talked to friends and co-workers about this phenomenon. None of us really know what's going on but everyone agrees they LOVE (lust? crave?) coke from the McDonald's fountain.

One co-worker says it's because McDonald's cleans out the tubes from the cannisters to the machine every week with a special process. Other places only clean the tubes every month or so; meaning, that the syrup doesn't have a chance to "build up" at Mickey Dees.

I wondered about this, so I went to the internet. One source indicated that they pre-chill the syrup before it gets mixed and dispensed -- so straight from the fountain, with no ice, your soft drink is already quite cold. At other restaurants, room temperature soft drink mixed with a cup of ice is instant-watered-down-Coke. But at MickeyD's, it's perfect. Every time." 

Hmm. I suppose that would make sense. But, I am still tied to my theory that Coke at McDonald's is tainted with some unknown love potion.
(Note to Ronald McDonald: Ronnie, I am NOT suggesting you are a drug dealer or that your company is doing illegal things like putting drugs in their drinks. This is a blog entry, tongue firmly in cheek. Please don't sue me for trying to be irreverent. I don't even know what I'm talking about; I don't drink soda although I did watch my father drink Coke for breakfast every morning when I was a kid. Of course, Coke USED to contain actual cocaine but that was in the 1800's so I'm pretty sure all those 79 cent Coke drinkers will past drug tests at work. Thank you. The lawyers of the Addiverse)

For those that like the sugar-filled as opposed to the chemically-laced diet soda, sources indicated that regular (not diet) cola products rush 10 teaspoons of sugar into your system, your blood sugar spikes, caffeine is absorbed, your dopamine gets going, your metabolism revs up, you have to pee and then you CRASH....crash....crash. Remember: dopamine production stimulating the pleasure centers of your brain.....and, this soda pleases your brain.....um...

....this is physically the same way heroin works.

See? I told you it was addictive. Maybe it's not cocaine--it's heroin! 

Ooooh, that'll get Ronald's undies all in a bundle. I'm not sure I should be messing with two of the largest companies in the world....

Maybe I should join the McD's Coke Cult but I'm afraid of the withdrawal I'd have to swim through at the end of the summer...

"I'm addicted to my Mickey Dee's giant diet Coke and my life has become unmanageable....."