Killer Dog injures Wild Mama, Prostitutes entertain MJagger

Where has the blogger gone?

It's been a brutal week at work and I was in a food coma earlier in the week from a stay in the Loop, so I was unable to write a blog. This is so wrong. I apologize to you, esteemed blog reader. I shall mend my ways. My goal is to have a new post at least every Thursday.....and, to lose about 37 pounds gained while in Chicago. Someone please pass me some Rolaids.

I had two ideas for this blog--to talk about Freckles Warrior Princess almost killing my mother and to talk about MJagger's experience with two prostitutes in the bathroom while in Chicago. (Wait--that sounds bad. I mean MJagger was listening to a conversation between two prostitutes, not having a literal experience with them.) I'll start with the dogs and get to the prostitues in the next blog (I want MJagger to be a guest contributor, complete with detailed quotes.)

The dogs went to stay at Camp Grandma while the wife and I went to Chicago for the night. My only directions to Wild Mama were: feed Lucy around 4 pm or she'll throw up if she gets hungry, don't let Freckles get around any other dogs and keep Lucy awake all day or she'll lick all night and keep you up. Remember this.

So, the wife and I go to Chicago with MJagger & Officer Friendly. We met several other work types down there for a fun getaway weekend. It was a simple, shopping kind of weekend, filled with food and fun. We went shopping on Michigan Avenue, ate dinner on Navy Pier (well, not ON the Pier but in a restaurant on the pier), hopped around some piano bars, ate some more. We were dragged around town in one cab after another. We ended up in the piano bar at the Drake. That's where MJagger ran into the prostitutes. Like I said, more on that later.

While we are carousing around town, Wild Mama is cleaning up puke from Lucy (who has thrown up even tho Wild Mama fed Lucy at 4 PM), she is unable to sleep because Lucy was licking so much, and.....

...Wild Mama was almost killed when Freckles saw the neighbor dog.

Unfortunately, the mama's hand got caught in the retractable leash as Freckles Warrior Princess went tearing after the neighbor dog (who was not on its leash and wandering around in the cul de sac). When Frecks got to the end of that leash, her head SNAPPPED back (she probably now needs a doggie chiropractor) and Wild Mama's hand got a horrific rope burn. Actually two burns. One burn between two fingers, in the web of the hand. One around the pinkie, just about severing the thing right off her hand. And, let's not forget how her arm almost ripped out of her shoulder. YEOW!!

This is her bowling arm, so this is a very bad thing. It is hard to bowl when your shoulder has been ripped out of the socket and you have bandaids on your bowling fingers.

We return to Camp Grandma after our trip but find ourselves locked out of the house (not knowing anything about the dog traumas). The garage door code won't work. (Wild Mama and Taco Juan are at the bowling alley. Where did you think they were?) We swore, we prayed, we pushed the buttons fast, we tried pushing the buttons slowly, we tried everything. After much swearing and after listening to the dog's howl at us, we drive to the bowling alley only to find Wild Mama oozing blood through her band aids. We learn of Lucy's licking and puking. We are feeling really, really bad. We have ruined her bowling experience for the week.

Imagine our horror as we learn of the weekend events for the dogs. The pups have certainly NOT earned Dog of the Year titles (despite the photos included in this blog). We want to laugh when Wild Mama tells of how she was screaming at the neighbors (who don't really speak English) about keeping their damned dog on a leash, but we are not really sure the mama is ready for any laughing. I'm thinking the dogs are going to have to give up their allowance so the mama can get some medical attention.

Dog of the year, indeed. I don't think they are going to be invited back very soon. That kennel down the street is looking like a lot safer option for all of us....

...please pray for the Mama so her bowling hand heals and that she doesn't harm the neighbors....