For the Record...

For no particular reason, for the record....

....I have changed the toilet paper roll EVERY TIME except for once since 1997. I made that resolution on January 1, 1997 and have kept to my word. Now, THAT'S exciting;

....Brittney Spears needs psychiatric help, not stalking by the papparazzi (or however you spell that)--Brittney, I am available for counseling services and I love tattoos (or, Brooke Shields is also available--TAKE HER UP ON THE OFFER, BRITTNEY!);

....When I win the Mega-Millions tonight, I will pee on myself;

....When I win the Mega-Millions tonight, I will try not to get so drunk that I pass out on the front lawn after peeing on myself;

...."Born to Run" is my favorite song of all time;

...I get new license plates every year because it's cheaper than getting a new car every year....

....the glass IS half full;

....the last three CDs I purchased are Josh Turner, The Wreckers and Little Big Town;

....I eat more ice cream in a week than most of you eat in a year;

....my dogs live a better life than most people.

...and remember:

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets thecheese in the trap.

10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

12. Change is inevitable, except from v

ending machines.

13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

14. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

25. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

26. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. . . it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.