Stay off the sidewalks: the wife's behind the wheel!


It all started so innocently. The wife was minding her own business, driving down the street and WHAM! She gets hit from behind. Now, this is a rather entertaining thing, as she was moving FORWARD and got hit from BEHIND. Go figure. So, she pulls over, gets out of the car, sees there is little damage--just some banged up bumper--takes a look at the other driver's car--oh dear, crushed hood problem--and wonders what the hell just happened. As there was little damage and nothing to get excited about, the wife benevolently waves the incident off and lets the driver go.... 

Within days, the wife is zipping down the street and for some reason decides to check her cell phone messages while driving. This is something I have NEVER known her to do, but with her recent hectic schedule, she's been doing all sorts of weird multi-tasking. She looks up just in time to see the stopped Toaster (aka the Scion that looks like a toaster) and....tap! 

She taps the person's bumper. 

A tap but an accident non-the-less. 

Of course, this lady is NOT benevolent and thus calls not only her insurance agent but also the police. The wife is understandably horrified, as there is really no visible damage to the wife's car and there are these two microscopic scratches to the Toaster's bumper. The police show up and the officer is rather disgusted--he can't believe he's been called to this ridiculous semi-accident. The wife says he repeatedly asked, "Do you REALLY want to file a report?" He told the Toaster Lady that he didn't need to be involved many a-time, but Toaster Lady was insistent. Hence, the wife got a ticket and a foul mood. Heck, that's what insurance is for, right?

Well, too bad the wife hit the Toaster Lady from Hell, who now has filed a claim for a ridiculous amount of money but also for rental car costs AND for personal injury. Injury! The wife probably had more injury from how mad she was than this lady could have ever sustained in the car tap. Toaster Lady needed a heating pad for two days after the one mile an hour crash. Can you say "full of shit?" No wonder insurance premiums skyrocket on a yearly basis. 

This Toaster-Lady-full-of-poo-incident only infuriates the wife further when she realizes her car has much damage from the first accident and she let that driver get away. No amount of consoling was of help until I employed the services of Master Reiki and Blue Eyes--they were able to calm the wife and help her see it from the Universe's eyeballs. We all keep telling her the Universe is trying to send her a message: 

SLOW DOWN AND DO ONE THING AT A TIME!!!!
 
(or, Stop ruminating about the Bears being in the Super Bowl and let it go! Brett Favre will come back. For the love of God, you LIVE IN ILLINOIS!) I don't think she likes this universe message (or this Bears Rule message) but she seems to be considering that we may have a point and thus she should only do 12 things at a time instead of 37. 

If the Secret is good enough for Oprah, it's good enough for the wife. Maybe the secret for the wife is to stay off the sidewalks while driving and to stay away from Toaster cars......