Snowshoe Hell

Before I start babbling further about "The Secret," I want you to know where I've been. Let me give you a clue. It has to do with the wife, a computer, the Internet and......

.....snowshoes.

That's right. Snowshoes. Those things that look like tennis rackets on your feet.

See, the wife went snowshoeing with her friend Keith Bischon a week or two ago and since then it's been snowshoe overload.

As you avid readers know, the wife can become very obsessed with a project. Since going snowshoeping with Keith, she has been on a mission to find a pair of her very own. (She had borrowed Keith's husband's shoes. Who knew snowshoes could be shared?)

Last weekend, the wife literally spent two days of searching the Internet for snowshoes. This is not one of my exaggerations--this is literal. Who knew there was so much to know about snowshoes? She gleaned the web and learned about what kind of shoes there are, what brands are best known, what size is needed for what terrain, what crampon to look for (that IS crampon, not tampon). I don't even know what a crampon is, but the wife is sporty and obsessive, so I'm guessing she knows. I have a feeling I will know soon as I'm thinking the wife will be dragging my sorry ass through the wooded trails soon enough....(do you think a crampon is a tampon for when you have cramps???)

The wife thoroughly stalked ebay, amazon.com, etc in search of the best-priced snowshoe. Every time I looked at her, her face was stuck in the laptop and she was muttering about styles and prices and availability. She talked about snowshoes, she showed me pictures of snowshoes, she took me to stores to look at snowshoes, she lamented how hard it is to find snowshoes this time of year, she agonized over which pair--if any--she should buy. Me, being the supportive (and very patient) one, was like: JUST BUY THE DAMNED SHOES AND GET ON WITH IT!

Finally, on Tuesday (that's yesterday evening), she made her decision and committed to buying a very nice pair of snowshoes via eBay. (Well, she tells me they are very nice. They could be made of newspaper and poop and I wouldn't know the difference.) I helped her with the purchase, as I am the one with the eBay account and eBay prowess. Two minutes to go in the auction and she's still chewing on it. One minute to go and I'm staring at her. 22 seconds and counting--it's now or never--and she tells me to BID! I click on that puppy with mere seconds to go....and wa-la! She is a snowshoe owner.

You know where this is going, don't you?

You CAN'T snowshoe alone, you know. What fun would that be?

This means that I will become an owner of snowshoes, too. I'm not too opposed, as I do need to get out and get some exercise in the winter, I don't ski, I don't sled, I don't mountain climb. I realize that I will need a pair of snowshoes even though I have NEVER gone snowshoeing in my life. (I am a klutz extraordinaire but I figure I should be able to walk on snow. Right?)

Note the picture to the left: this will NOT be what I look like when snowshoeing. I will not be smiling nor will I be running. I will be whining and complaining and lagging behind and eating chocolate that I've hidden in my pocket. I will not have skinny tights on, either: I'll be the one in the giant black snowpants and will have frozen boogers on my face.

Actually, I am rather excited about learning something new, as long as I'm not injured during the process. And, so I ordered a pair of snowshoes on line right before getting to this blog entry. By the time they get here, there will be no snow left, but that will give me time to wear them around the house and practice walking in them.

I'm kidding, dear wife.

I'll have to get back to you about this newest sporty endeavor. I'm either going to be kissing Keith Bischon's feet or I'm gonna be slapping her.....

Before I do, a tidbit of gossip: Terri Clark has divorced again. Someone PLEASE tell her she's a lesbian so she stops getting remarried!

Anyhoo, if you are looking for a little inspiration, click here and watch a groovy little inspirational diddy about how fabulous you are. (Unless you are Keith Bischon and find this whole Secret thing to be a crock of poo; then, do not click on this. Go snowshoe by yourself or something.) You have to have Quicktime to see the little slideshow, but it's free and easy so just say yes and watch it over and over and over again until you feel orgasmically tingly and warm and fuzzy all over. The Law of Attraction is bringing me all sorts of wonderful things these days and I am NOT being a smarty pants. It's true. I mean, running into my art therapy mentor and Mediator Rat at today's conference was meant to be. (The Mediator Rat is NOTHING like the mouse surgeon, although both nicknames involve rodents. Mediator Rat is not a rodent, nor does she think she can do rodent surgery or any other delusional thing. I love the Rat.) The Universe is so with me! How can I fail at snowshoeing or anything else when I am attracting all these awesome things? Sweet! So, get a kleenex and get ready to love yo'self....

http://thesecret.tv/secret-to-you/