SLUGG-OOOO

What is up with all the slugs and snails in my life????? 

This morning--I SWEAR to you this happened-- the wife says to me, “What’s on Freckles’ belly?”

I walk over and grab what I think is a fuzzy or a leaf or some piece of poo in her fur….I grab that sucker and suddenly realize (as the cold, slimy goosh is gooshing in my fingers) that it was a SLUG and that I just squished it in my bare hands and I FLING it across the room and it sticks to a picture frame hanging on the wall. 

The wife is NOT amused at my flinging of the gastropod, but she would do the same thing if it had been her to squish the slug in her hand. I am disgustedly distressed and run quickly to the bathroom. 

I do NOT want to start my day with slug guts on my parts.

So, I find myself wondering why all these slugs are coming into my life at this exact moment. Is the universe trying to tell me something? Am I being a slug? Am I supposed to be a slug? Am I feeling sluggish? Am I supposed to be a hermaphrodite? I need to figure this out so these damned snails stay out of my life! (Think back—not long ago there was a slug on my shoestring and one on Freckles leg; there was the one on my plant last week, now there’s one squishing in my hand. Ugh!)

When all else fails, go to the internet. I figure if Google can’t help me, nothing can. What to type in for the search? I mean, I can’t exactly enter, “slugs snails universe message.” I start with dream interpretation related to slugs, as that seems a good enough place to be.

My first stop is a blurb by Annie Berthold-Bond at Care2.com. She writes, “There's a scene in the latest Harry Potter movie where Harry's friend spits up slugs. Yuck! Doesn't that just sum up the way most of us feel about slugs and snails? The very thought of the slimy little things is not a pretty one, and absolutely nobody wants them ruining their garden!”

Yes, that is just what I’m thinking. I don’t want slugs in my life.

I try some dream dictionaries. One suggests that to see slugs in your dream indicates that you are progressing through life in a slow, steady, and persistent manner,  painfully and slowly moving toward a goal. To dream that slugs are coming out from inside your body” (OH DEAR! THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING, THANK THE SLUG GODS), “suggests that you are having difficulties expressing some aspect of your emotion. Consider where in your body are the slugs coming out from." 

 

Or, it is suggested: Snails--To see a snail in your dream, suggests that you are being overly sensitive. You may feel inhibited but desire to be more outgoing and energetic. Alternatively, it suggests that you are making steady progress toward a goal. You need to go at your own pace."
Okay, so I can deal with being overly sensitive. But feeling inhibited? Not exactly me.

I go on, checking out the Soul Future Dream Dictionary: “Dream symbol: slug. Interpretation: Lacking in energy or vitality, functioning below par; Being unenthusiastic; Slow but steady progress; A devious, unmannered or deceitful person, a slug or slime ball; Somebody who is lazy; Feeling vulnerable or that you're without defense; Being spineless, acting in a cowardly manner;Approaching something with force…Dream symbol: snail. Interpretation: Making slow but steady progress; Lacking in vitality or enthusiasm; Needing to slow down or speed up; Being on the ready to protect or defend yourself; Feeling at home wherever you go.”

I am SO not thinking dream interpretation is a good means of figuring out what the universe is trying to tell me, although I do like the idea that I can feel at home no matter where I go.

An interesting turn of events happens—a web site or seven suggest that the slug is related to problems with the body’s elimination system or colon. NOW we are getting somewhere.

I need more info, so I click on http://velvetdragon.com/cyberslugs/realslugs.html to find the meaning of a true slug lover. (The comments in parentheses and italics are my comments; the rest of this is directly gleaned from the website):
 

“The slug is a fascinating creature. If you ever get up the courage to touch one, which I do all the time, you'll notice some interesting things (okay, I’m worried about touching slugs and that someone actually WANTS to do this)

 ….First make sure you rinse your hands, but don't dry them. I'm not sure how much truth is in the tales, but since salt hurts slugs and your hands are salty, touching a slug may hurt it….if you pet it along it's keel (usually that looks like a small line along its back), the slime will feel slippery (again, I ask why anyone would want to PET a slug). 

The slime comes off your fingers fairly easily unless you are disturbing the slug (such as being rough with it)….. 

When slugs are disturbed or injured, the slug slime becomes more sticky. That's why when you step on one early dawn barefoot the stuff sticks on for a very long time (or, it sticks to your dog’s fur and you end up squishing it in your hand)…. 

Another fascinating thing about the slime is its a natural anaesthetic. If you lick a slug enough, your tongue will go numb. In fact, some Native Americans used to put slugs in their mouths when they had a toothache and let it crawl around. I don't recommend licking a slug, because I'm sure it's not good for them (darn, and I was just thinking about popping one of those puppies in my mouth)….

One of the most interesting aspects of petting a slug is touching the optical tentacles (also called eyestalks). If you gently poke them, the slug will pull its 'antlers' in, hiding. If you are patient, the slug will slowly come out and continue on its way.” (Um, I do NOT want to poke an optical tentacle. I’M CALLING PETA!!)

As I've already told you in previous blogs, slugs are hermaphrodites, meaning that each slug has both male and female parts. Because of this, any pair can breed. Is this part of my message? I certainly hope not. I am in NO MOOD to be a hermaphrodite. I have enough trouble as it is.

I've decided to go to the masses for assistance in deciphering this bizarre turn of events--being stalked by slugs. There is some meaning in this and I know you can help me. Don't leave me alone with the gastropods--I need your help! Email me, send me beer and salt, eat some escargot in my honor.....