JACKIE, STEP AWAY FROM THE MIMI!

Now that I've stopped the 17 hour workaholic tendencies, I've found myself staring at the Idiot Box more than I really want to admit. I love shows like "House," "Rock Star: Supernova" and "Pardon the Interruption." But, my latest and shallowest TV lusting focuses on "WORKOUT," a show on Bravo (the same station that brings us "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy--how can you not love them?). Anyway, "Workout" is about this lady named Jackie who lives in LA, sports really fun hair and killer abs. Unfortunately for Jackie, she has a girlfriend from hell (my diagnosis: Borderline Personality Disorder, Terminal Type) who basically poops all over Jackie and any fun she might have. For those of you who have never seen the show, Bravo's website tells us "Jackie Warner, owner of Sky Sport & Spa, is determined to be the best in the competitive fitness industry in Los Angeles. Jackie has pulled together an elite team of trainers to attract an A-list clientele to her exclusive gym. But tough bodies and strong personalities lead to conflict among the staff. And Jackie, already under pressure trying to run a successful business, gets more pressure from her tempestuous girlfriend, Mimi. "

To the left: Jackie striking a pose, just for you.

The season ended last night, complete with Mimi biting Jackie. Tempestuous? Come on, you don't need a therapist to tell you that it isn't a good sign when your girlfriend bites you when angered. Jackie, for god's sake, step away from the Mimi!

Mimi even threw a glass at Jackie during last night's episode, just missing Jackie's beautiful head of hair. As your therapist, Jackie, I am here to tell you: RUN! DO NOT WALK! RUN AWAY FROM THE VIOLENT FREAK! RUN!!! RUN! RUN! No amount of therapy will help this woman! Be afraid! Be very afraid!

Okay, okay, so the show is full of eye candy. What's wrong with that? I'm profound all day--shouldn't I have a little fun in the evening? It's fake reality TV at its finest. I don't want to think when I'm watching TV. I want to stare and be comatose. If I wanted to think, I'd turn on CNN or PBS or I'd read some heavy-duty history book. Why think about World War III or Bird Flu or Global Warming or cancer or Jon Bonet when I can have eye candy?

Mindless babble, that's what I want.

I know you want to know who my favorite character on this show is--how can you sleep without knowing this information?--well, it's Zen (pictured for your viewing pleasure--pictures all stolen from the Bravo TV website,by the way). Um, I hope her name really isn't Zen, but if it is, more power to her. She's from the Chicago suburbs--if she were from L.A., I'd be more inclined to believe Zen was her given name. She's probably like 12 years old or something. She's funny, she's sassy, she adds a lot of normalicy & positive goofiness to this zany cast of characters. I hope she doesn't turn out to be a crazed-Mimi-bitch-stalker in the next season. I'll be crushed.

Does the show increase my need to work out? Hell no. It makes me want to eat a Chocolate Extreme Dairy Queen Blizzard. Do I think I will EVER look like these people? Hell no. I'm still trying to look like Lisa Rinna. Besides, I don't think 15 minutes of McYoga a day is going to rip those muscles I'm dragging around.....