Random Self-Serving Babbling on a Monday

Thought I'd start by posting a picture of Madonna so you didn't think I was truly over my obsession yet....

...I've started attending 12 step groups for the Madonnaholic types....we admitted were were powerless over Madonna and that our credit cards had become unmanageable...

MJagger reminded me to post her newest diet idea so she can be ready for the next Madonna tour. She is going on the "Nicole Richie-one-pea-a-day" diet. MJagger figures if she only eats one pea a day, she'll be as thin as Nicole Richie in three years. (Can I have my pea chocolate-covered?)

The birthday went swimmingly, complete with a new yoga mat from the wife. More McYoga for everyone! Unfortunately, I have another yoga injury--feels-like-it's-broken-chicken-wing-thing--but, I can still do all the poses with the rest of my body--I'll just leave out the right arm. I spent the morning of my birth watching Madonna's "Can I tell you a Secret?" DVD (released last Tuesday). Then, I truly did have a Blizzard for dinner, just as I wanted. Life is good. (The only way it could have been better is if Lucy Lawless sent me a birthday card and Jodie Foster called to sing. Those would have been big bonuses. You can't have everything in life.)

Yesterday, my thrill was removing the stitches out of the wife's back. She had this pre-cancerous mole thingy removed and needed three stitches taken out. Boy, was she wimpy. You'd think I was trying to kill her. I wasn't even touching her and she was already whining. Being the brainchild that I am, I had her keep an ice pack on it for 30 minutes so she wouldn't be able to feel what I was doing. I took out my brand new, shiny $9.99 pocket knife and ripped those puppies right out of there. I should have been a surgeon! The wife is fine, thank you. No worries about the skin cancer. I've got to go to the dermatologist next....you know I'll write all about it when I do visit....

Today's exciting Monday activities (besides talking about one-pea-a-day) included throwing out ANOTHER damn plant from my office, as this one had a disgusting, unidentified yuck covering it. I mean, it looked like ashes from a cigarette or snow from the sky or fuzz from an alien being....I've never seen anything like it...it covered all the leaves and stems....it happened over the weekend. How can something that disgusting happen so quickly? I've seen mushrooms, I've seen fungus, I've seen bugs...but this.....this was unimaginable. And, those damn bugs are still flying around the office (previously described in some old blog). I can't stand it! I'm trying to do email and listen to Madonna with all these bugs flying in my face and trying to fly up my nostrils. I don't think the bugs are related to the white crap on the plant, but I suppose I don't know that for sure. I didn't get a very good grade in botany...I'm not even sure I took botany in college...maybe it was zoology....it's all a drunken blur. I remember getting mad at my zoology partner who punctured the ink sack on our squid--that was a mess. Botany...maybe I missed that one....

As a student of Reiki, I thought it would be fun to combine the Reiki principles with Madonna obsessing. See if you can see which part is the actual Reiki principle and which part I added: (1) Just for today, I will give thanks for my many blessings and Madonna albums. (2) Just for today, I will not worry about how to pay for the Madonna tickets. (3) Just for today, I will not be angry that Madonna didn't drip sweat on me from the stage. (4) Just for today, I will do my work honestly, except for the time I spend at work writing this blog, cuz that's not very honest but being honest about being dishonest is a start. (5) Just for today, I will be kind to my neighbor and every living thing, as long as they agree to eat chocolate, watch Xena reruns and listen to Madonna music....

...wasn't too hard to decipher the Reiki stuff from my bullshit, now was it?! happy Monday.