Bra-vo

Since I was already talking about Oprah in the last blog entry, I thought I'd stay with the same thing. Oprah is an expert on many things--even bras. No kidding. I guess if you are going to be on TV every day, you need to wear a good bra that keeps the "girls" up where they belong and not letting anyone of her four zillion viewers think that it's nipply on the set. (This photo is of the Arizona Department of Corrections underwear. Aren't you glad you are not in jail?)

So, Oprah's experts say that most women wear the wrong size bra. Most people need to wear a smaller "number" and a bigger cup. Thus, if you are sporting a 38B, you probably should be wearing a 36C. Of course, if you are like me (a 36 quadruple negative A or something), it won't make a hill of beans--a sports bra is a sports bra is a sports bra. Not that I would ever question Oprah....I was skeptical about this. I will now horrify my wife and tell you this: it's true. Why does that horrify the wife? Because she tried this and it worked. I can't tell you what size she is (even I have some scruples), but I will tell you she went down one "number" size and up one cup size and all was well in the world. The girls never looked better.

This got to thinking about my bras. I do have a few padded bras, because it's the only way I'll ever look like a have some semblence of a chest and it looks good during those formal occasions. Funny thing is--these bras have underwires. Tell me WHY they would ever make a 36 negative AAAAA with an underwire? What could an underwire support when there really is nothing to support? It's not like I've got much to sag (a good thing for when I get older, I suppose). Now, the wife--she NEEDS an underwire bra (she's going to kill me). Do you know how much padding I have in my bra? Suffice it to say that the other day at work, I literally took two push-pin thumbtacks and stuck them in my bra (we like to have fun at work)--and, those thumbtacks stood in there proudly like two perky nips and they never even came close to touching the real thing--now that's padding! Better yet, it was from Walmart or Target or something and cost one billionth of a bra purchased at Victoria's Secret. (Side note: I have been in Victoria's Secret only one time in my entire life and that was humiliating enough. Don't make me go back in there. Please.)

Now, I want all of you to go out and buy a new bra with "Oprah-Sizing" and let me know how it goes. Send photos, if you'd like. (ha ha--I'm kidding--please don't send me photos of you in your bra....unless you are from Victoria's Secret and are wearing one of those IPEX or IMAX or whatever the hell those bras are in the TV commercials.) Go out and stare at your friends' chests and see if they are wearing the correct sized bra. And, stay out of jail because you'll be stuck wearing granny bras with giant lettering on it.