I wasn't going to write about this, but now that there have been TWO sightings, I cannot ignore the topic. The second sighting was this morning at 5:15 AM.....
The other night the wife and I were walking the dogs at 7:20 PM... it's already pretty dark at that time of day, seeing as we are now into October. We were walking our little half-mile circle with the dogs, just long enough that they'll poop but not long enough that we are out of our safety bubble. We'd just begun our walk, with the wife and dog walking in front of us. For no reason of which I can identify, I stopped... looked down at the dog... and then, looked behind me... when I notice....
Some guy, who looked like what I can only describe as Willy Wonka (the Gene version, not the Johnny version), is literally within two feet of me. Most definitely in my space bubble.
To illustrate what I saw when I turned around, here's a photo of the Gene Willy. I swear to god, this is what the guy looked like.
I exclaimed "JESUS H. CHRIST!" He should be thankful I didn't pop him in the face or kick him in the privates. I have no idea why Willy was walking so closely behind me, but there he was. It was a stare down. I moved to the side. The dog was of no help and paid no interest. Thanks for nothing, Rosita.
The wife and other dog are strolling down the sidewalk, none the wiser I was almost killed or kidnapped by Willy Wonka.
I think I was more shook up that I had NO idea this guy was behind me, that someone was that close to me without my hackles going up than I was that it was Willy Wonka. Seriously. I had NO inkling. I was freaked out by his proximity and my failure to recognize his presence.
I'm staring at him, he's staring at me and he says, while smiling, in some weird accent of which I didn't recognize,
"I didn't mean to scare you."
I stared at Willy, still stunned, all the while my brain is thinking:
LISTEN, ASSHOLE. YOU'RE STALKING ME AND ALMOST RAN ME OVER. YOU LOOK LIKE WILLY WONKA. YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. YOU'RE A TOP-HAT WEARING NINJA SNEAKING UP ON ME IN THE DARK. YOU'RE A FREAKING NIGHTMARE!
But, my mouth didn't say anything. I just kept staring.
I couldn't tell if he was old or young, if he was kidding or not, if it was a Halloween costume or a prank, if he had purposefully snuck up on me or honestly had no understanding of personal space.
He then silently passed me and the dog. No "excuse me." No "I'm sorry." Nothing but silently continuing his stroll.
A top hat!
I watched him walk silently down the sidewalk. No sound. Total silence. I keep mentioning it because it made no sense. How do you walk without making at least some semblance of sound?
I'm not sure what the wife thought but the dog with her certainly didn't like him. I caught up to the wife who thankfully had been waiting for me. We stood together, watching Willy walk down the street, headed to some unknown destination. He didn't seem to be in a hurry or like he had a care in the world. We watched until we could no longer see him. It was if he disappeared into the night.
I'm glad the wife was there because there is NO WAY anyone would've believed this transpired. Having a witness helped me feel a whole lot better.
Hell, I'm not sure I would've believed it if I didn't have the wife to confirm this transpired.
If you want to give yourself the willies, worry about Willy sneaking up on you: it has been questioned whether Willy Wonka was a child serial killer or a man with a serious mental illness. Neither of these theories is helpful when worrying Willy is looking to get back in your space bubble.
For the next many days, I would turn around and say aloud, "Willy?" Thankfully, Willy was not there. I decided this had to be a one time event. I mean, we had never seen this guy before and we've lived her for 25 years. He certainly wasn't a neighbor. And, no one was talking about Willy Wonka sightings in the neighborhood....
Imagine my surprise this morning... 5:15 AM... walking the dogs with the wife.... when she says,
"There's a person over there."
It's someone walking down the street, alone, silent.....
I kiddingly said, "Willy?"
When she doesn't answer, I ask again, "Is it Willy?"
I was being silly but then I realize.... it IS Willy!
The wife is quietly trying to get me to shut up. I motion for her to cross the street, as Willy is heading right toward us. He doesn't look up. He doesn't make a sound. It's almost as if he hasn't seen us (which is impossible, seeing as I wear a construction worker glow in the dark vest when walking--you can see me for miles). Maybe he was thinking up a new chocolate candy bar recipe. Maybe he was thinking about naughty children turning into blueberries. Maybe he was looking for a long lost Oompa Loompa. Whatever. He made no motion that suggested he saw us.
We weren't in our walking safety bubble; we take a different route on weekend mornings. Willy must've smelled the chocolate on my breath and came looking for us.
At least this time I got a better look at him. That's because he passed right under a streetlight as he walked by. He was wearing jeans, was a bit younger than I previously thought, still had his blazer-coat-jacket thing on. Instead of a top hat, it seemed he was wearing something more like a fedora-type hat. His saunter and ninja-silent way of moving definitely confirmed his identity.
I'm convinced another Willy sighting is only a matter of time. I'm going to focus on how he is not a serial child killer. If he is mentally ill, we'll be fine as those are my people. But, I need Willy to make a little noise so I can hear him coming....
Perhaps it's fitting with a Willy Wonka quote. Well, a famous author quote used by Willy:
"The suspense is terrible, I hope it will last."
Will he or won't he, Willy? The suspense is terrible....
....I hope it lasts and I hope it involves chocolate.
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