I was sitting in the ICU with a certain family-in-law relation, chatting about mundane topics. The patient suddenly admitted he was scared. He was struck by thoughts of mortality. To his credit, he voiced--quite succinctly, I might add--his fears about dying, of not recovering, of the anxiety he was feeling.
Enter the nurse. Picture young, kind, compassionate, relaxed smile, clad in light blue scrubs, younger than not but not fresh out of school, with a demeanor so natural, genuine, casual, perfect.
Seeing the nurse, the patient immediately told her he was scared and worried about dying. She adjusted the dials, looked at his wrist tag, smiled a knowing smile. She then began an intervention that would make any professional counselor proud. I should know, being a counselor. She was magnificent, distracted her patient from his fear without effort.
Spontaneously, he asked her about her background. Specifically, about what she "is." This piqued my interest. I wanted to know where this would "go." The nurse used her distraction and compassion to talk about her heritage. She noted she was Mexican.
He said, "you don't look Mexican."
I grimaced. She smiled. She is a better person than me. I'm thinking "what the hell does a Mexican look like?" and she's smiling in a most authentic way. She is not one shred bothered by this.
He blurted out, "Mexican!" He was so surprised by this. He asked her if she were born in Mexico. She said she was born there but her parents brought her to the US when she was a very small baby. She was raised in the state of [insert name of state here]. He asked if she were a citizen. She smiled and said no. Sensing the next question, she added, "I'm an illegal immigrant."
This seemed to perplex the patient even further. He was now definitely distracted. Fear? What fear? This was a most unexpected, therapeutic thing of beauty. He asked lots of questions. This opened the discussion to DACA. He brought it up, quite to my surprise--I had no idea he would know anything about the Dreamers. As she talked in a most non-political fashion, he would blurt out statements like "so, you're a DACA!" and "you're a Dreamer!" At times, he'd ask questions or repeat his disbelief that this professional woman, working to save his life, was an illegal immigrant. He then said,
"You're one of those Dreamers Obama wanted to get rid of."
She didn't look surprised or upset or confused or anything. I'm frothing in anger. I want to scream and froth and flail. She simply stated, "I'm sorry, Sir. Our previous president is the reason I am here."
The patient strongly disagreed, insisting that Obama wanted the Dreamers gone, sent back to Mexico. He talked about how the Democrats were interfering with DACA. Each time he would assert a "fact," she would calmly reply in polite disagreement. She said nothing disparaging, nothing defensive, nothing of anything except kindness and facts. This lady was a pro.
The patient was incredulous. He couldn't believe this amazing woman, this lady who had worked diligently to save his life, was an illegal alien. I could see he was experiencing a most profound case of cognitive dissonance....
She had put a face to a concept. That, boys and girls, makes all the difference in the world. Once a face has been put on a concept, it changes things, usually in a very positive manner. He had a face to a concept. I could tell how he was trying to wrap his head around this. She wasn't a murder. She wasn't scamming the system. She wasn't looking for handouts or trying to get freebies that "real" Americans couldn't get. She was working in an ICU, earning an honest living. Never once had he knowingly met a "dreamer."
He asked her if she'd have to go "back." She noted she hadn't been raised in Mexico so she didn't feel like she was going "back" if she were deported. She didn't know what "back" was. She had only been in the US as far as she knew. When he repeatedly asked if she'd be going back (he was really chewing on this), she'd respond each time with, "we'll see."
He asked why she hadn't become a citizen, like it was something akin to renewing your driver's license. It was blaming, like it was her "fault." As she performed her nurse-ly duties, she talked a bit about the process and then spoke about how one of her relatives had indeed become "naturalized." That was a completely foreign topic to the patient. "Naturalized?" He did not understand what this meant or why she wasn't "that."
I think he may have actually forgotten he was in ICU. He was completely engrossed.
Humorously, he asked if she had a boyfriend. It was a fatherly, honest question. She laughed, then nodded "yes." He asked if her boyfriend is a citizen and wondered aloud if they were going to get married. He was worried she'd be deported back to her country, a country of which she did not know. He wanted to know if she could stay in the country if she were to get married.
He tilted his head, deep in thought. She was a person, not a concept. He hadn't changed his mind about Obama's interference with DACA (sigh--he continued to insist it was all Obama's fault) but he had a face to the concept and that changed his view of what an illegal immigrant "is."
Oh, how I wished I weren't the only person sitting there. Oh, to have had a few of the far-far-right relatives in the room with me. Oh, how I wished they had seen the interaction as it unfolded between nurse and patient. Oh, to have a face to the concept that all illegal aliens are mass-murders who steal from hard-working Americans. Oh, to see them learn that the lady who was saving their relative's life was an illegal immigrant.
How do I know that this man's relatives want all those terrible illegal immigrants gone? Because one of the relatives did return to the room. When the patient noted that his nurse was a "dreamer," the relative immediately spouted off about illegal immigrants being nasty, vile freeloaders ruining our country and sucking our resources. It was disheartening but not surprising.
The moment was over. The nurse left to provide medical attention to another patient. I stayed in the room with the relative who continued to mutter about how people need to "go back to where they came from." The patient was relaxed, seemingly content, settled enough to shut his eyes and get some sleep. The relative scowled. Oh well, it's a work in progress. Ya gotta start somewhere.
God bless that nurse.
God bless the Dreamers.
God bless those who put a face to a concept, for you are the ones who change minds and make a difference.
God bless America.
God bless the uneducated, misinformed and hate-filled. In the words of John Lennon, "I hope someday you'll join us and the world will be as one."
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