Of Evil Evils and Beloved Ice Cream

I took this photo right after Thanksgiving, hoping to use it as the holiday drew nearer. I had no idea that Freckles wouldn't be around before I got to use it. I'm so glad to have taken the photo. Schaddi loved Freckles.

It was a quiet week in the Addiverse. Thankfully, Schaddi the Evil Elf off the Shelf was laying low, which led to a much quieter week on the holiday horror front. Sadly, being a no-dog home left it a bit emptier, much quieter and rather confusing. We're adjusting quickly--but understandably find ourselves looking for the dog, whether it be to carry up the stairs or to plop on the couch, take outside before going to bed or to put in the car to go for a ride. Navigating the house is no longer an obstacle course--not having gates block both sets of stairs is quite the concept. It gives the house a different "look." I didn't realize how the gates had become part of the landscape. Yesterday, I almost said aloud, "I'm gonna take Freckles for a ride to the ATM," but at the last milli-second remembered there was not a Freckles to take anywhere in the car. Instead, I let out a sigh and went to the ATM all by my lonesome.

I'm glad Schaddi the Evil elf and Eldest Niece are around. They take the sting out of loss without even knowing it. The holidays and end of semester have kept the wife distracted and I've stayed busy consuming naughty lunch time food products, fueling a sugar-filled serotonin buzz. Dang, I have to start taking my lunch to work lest I burst into a ball of sucrose flames.

Speaking of food, the gluten-free experiment continues. I swear my goiter has gotten bigger since starting this endeavor. Perhaps it's just firing up as it heals. Perhaps it is searching for all the gluten it is missing. Perhaps it is, as MJagger suggested, that my skin is "thinning with age" and thus it is easier to see. (Thanks for nothing, MJagger. You just wait until you are my age. We'll see how your throat skin looks.) Last weekend, I was talking to someone who also has Hashimoto's. I was babbling about being gluten-free in effort to address my goiter-ness. She indicated she, too had Hashimoto's and had made great strides in her treatment, no longer on as many thyroid replacement meds.

Her answer?  "Cut out the dairy."

Stunned. I was stunned into silence. I stared at her, mouth hanging open in a most unattractive manner. She said, "You're going to have to give up dairy. I avoid dairy. It makes a huge difference."

I'm very proud of myself for not slapping her.

Turns out she is seeing the same doctor I am seeing. Her healing endeavor focuses on no dairy while mine on no gluten. How this can be, I do not know. But, I do know that I WILL NOT be giving up ice cream.

I've avoided gluten like the plague. I've added things like quinoa and flax to my food regiment. I use almond milk. But, I draw the line at dairy as related to ice cream.

Dairy is often involved in chocolate, so I guess I do consume vats of "hidden dairy" on a daily basis. But, ice cream? 

NO ONE messes with my ice cream.

I voiced my concerns about not consuming dairy, stressing my love of ice cream and chocolate. She replied, "have you tried any of those frozen coconut ice cream-like products?" She went on to comment on how there are lots of good non-dairy ice cream-type products on the market.

I am REALLY PROUD for not slapping her after such sacrilegious comments.

Seriously! Frozen non-dairy "ice cream" products ARE.NOT.ICE CREAM. Have you ever tried them? Oh dear god. An expensive waste of money. The texture is wrong. The flavor is wrong. Everything is wrong. It's not even enjoyable.

I avoid gluten. I am meat-free. I don't drink pop. I don't drink alcohol. I don't drink real milk. I eat chocolate with the highest percentage possible. I don't smoke. I wear my seat belt. I pay my bills on time. I take my shoes off when I come in the house. I don't use glitter on the premises.... how much more can I do???

I will NOT give up ice cream. I'll eat frozen yogurt when possible but I will not give it up.

We are already undergoing much change. I don't have time for such nonsense. Not having to come home for lunch, not having to come home after a certain number of hours, not having to give the dog eye drops four to six times a day, not waking up in the middle of the night to let the dog out is a whole new way of being. Change permeates our lives. I don't have the interest or energy for another change, especially of which requires dairy to leave my life.

If push comes to shove, I will drink my coffee with some non-dairy almond/soy/coconut/buttever product. I'll even eat cocoa out of the can.......

....but, you can kiss my cheesy-wiblet butt cheeks if you think I'm gonna give up ice cream. Like they say, "without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."

I didn't say it. I bit my tongue until it bled. I wanted to tell that lady what I was thinking, but I didn't. The baby Jesus must have intervened. The words fought to spew forth, but I prevailed. I so wanted to scream:

"I will send Schaddi the Evil Elf off the Shelf to harm you if you ever make such a sacrilegious comment again, bitch. That elf will find you. That elf will take you out. Don't mess with me, my goiter, my ice cream or the elf." 

Instead, I gave her a half-smile and took a bite of my gluten-free bun. Give up ice cream, my ass. Sheesh.

Doesn't she know that ice cream is duct tape for the heart?

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