I was up last night--purposefully--until 4 PM. As we get up at 4:50 AM, I almost went to bed when I was about to get up. I served as MJagger's designated driver for her going away party, so I had to wait until she was done partying before I got to go home. I envisioned 2 AM, not 4 AM. She and a bunch of party-goers decided breakfast was a must after a night of drinking. Tacos. They wanted tacos, so tacos they got. I feel like I got hit by a truck. I cannot imagine how all the party-goers feel this morning. More about this in a dot.
Freckles is unknowingly dropping little poops around the house. She still barks to go outside when a "real" poop on is on the way, but for some reason, little milk duds fall out now and then. It's happening on a more frequent basis, so I'm thinking this is not a good sign. I had a talk with her three years ago (when she could still hear) and told her when she started peeing and pooping in the house, it was curtains for her. I explained that I would not be spending thousands of dollars to keep her alive, as I had already done that once. I reminded her that she had had a great life and that she lived better than most humans. I assured her that I would not rush the process and that one poop in the house was not an issue. Now that marbles are falling out on a more frequent basis, I am keeping a closer eye. I'm hoping this is not a case of "I don't know what's going on back there and so I'm pooping." She still eats like a pig, is a fat sausage, gets around despite being basically blind and deaf and is a champion in the happiness department. Oh sure, she needs eye drops five times a day and she smells like a dirty vacuum and she has all these awful growths on her skin. She's old. We all get growths and smell and need things like eye drops. But, pooping. Pooping little marbles around the house is not part of the deal. (She also peed on the wood floor last week. You can imagine how happy the wife was about that.)
As for Lucy, she gets wibbly-er and wobbly-er with each passing day. Her legs on on their own mission. She too remains seemingly happy and the tumor hasn't grown much, so we focus on the positive and enjoy each passing day. She has found her way into sleeping in our bed, which is something the wife assured me would NEVER happen. Lucy sleeps like a baby when she's in the bed. It's a whole lot better when she stays up licking all night--for some reason, she doesn't lick when she's allowed in the human place of sleeping. If she sleeps, I sleep because the wife sleeps. When Lucy is licking, the wife is always whacking me to tell Lucy to stop it. No wonder I wake up exhausted some days. I'm up all night yelling at the dog because the wife is yelling at me.
Back to the reason I was up until 4 AM. MJagger's going away party was event to remember. Well, I will remember it, as I was sober. I'm not sure who will remember what because a lot of alcohol was involved. It started out innocently enough but kept getting a little rowdier, louder, naughtier and drunker as time went on. At one point, I got punched in the face with some guy's elbow. It was totally an accident but it hurt like a biscuit. My glasses got smooshed and I was seeing stars. It took the breath out of me. I was so glad he didn't punch me in the teeth. I like my teeth. Anyway, the guy was very apologetic but I couldn't see who it was because (1) my glasses were smooshed, and, (2) my eyes were watering so badly that I couldn't have seen even if I had my glasses on. Some of the friends in our party thought I got punched on purpose, which was problematic because they were looking for a fight. Dear god, I am way too old to be around drunk people who want to get into a fight. It took a lot of repeated insistence that the guy didn't do it on purpose at all.
Then, MJagger decided that it was time....for no known reason, she decided she needed to stick her face in a now-ex-co-worker's cleavage. MJagger is mighty straight, so this is very confusing to me. She had been talking about doing it, but I thought she was kidding. I mean, she's never done anything like that so why she would start now? I did a pretty good job of keeping an eye on her all night--after all, that was my assigned task--but, I was unable to intervene when she decided to plow ahead and nestle her entire face in the large, voluptuous ta-tas that were in front of her. There was no warning. BAM! Face in cleavage. She got a hold of those puppies and gave a champion-level motor boat.
I must admit that it was the hit of the party. Straight girl gone wild. What more could anyone want in a party?
Looking for a fight, slurring words, hanging on each other, bad ideas and ta-ta diving. Affirms why I don't drink. I'm glad MJagger is a happy drunk. There was only one incident that I thought might lead to an issue for me--she decided she was going to walk home. At 3 AM, By herself. In a dress. While in a drunken ta-ta fueled funk. Thankfully, she acquiesced and let me drive her home as planned, but only after she had eaten tacos with the last of the party goers. I won't even try to explain what transpired at the restaurant. Suffice it to say, the F word was included in every sentence.
I woke up this morning with a god-awful headache. As I write this, I feel like I am hung over, which is awful as I hadn't been drinking. How unfair is that? Between getting punched in the face, being up so late, having sinus issues and not getting much sleep, I feel pretty rough. I can't wait to talk to MJagger later today and see how she's doing. Knowing her, she's probably fine. Heck, she might still be drunk.
The wife just walked up to me, holding a small marble of poop in a napkin. Sigh. Another errant poop. Oh, this does not bode well......perhaps I should check out doggie diapers.....
....at least MJagger did not poop or puke on me. That's saying something. I had a barf bag in the car, just in case. She didn't present as a vomit risk, but one never knows. I wasn't prepared for pooping--how does one prepare for that?--so, I'm glad that was not an issue. She didn't pass out so I didn't have to carry her. She agreed to not walk home without too much argument. She was a happy drunk so I didn't have to deal with the ickiness that sometimes arises when alcohol is involved.
MJagger is facing a tremendous amount of stress at this time. Life-straining stress. Drinking doesn't solve anything but it gave her a reprieve for a few hours. She would have celebrated her change of jobs in the same manner had she no stress, but I'm glad things weren't wilder than they were due to the level of stress involved. I put out good thoughts for her and her family. I hope you will, too.
Today, I'm on call. We'll see how that goes. God help me if I have to go out in the middle of the night. I pity the fool that has to see me. I'm sure I'll be a crabby patty beyond compare by that time. Heck, I'm teetering on crabby-patty-ness at this very moment. I think chocolate, ibuprofen and a nap will put my world back in order.
....if you come to our house and find a Milk Dud on the floor, DO NOT EAT IT. I can guarantee it is not a Milk Dud. You have been warned.
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