Singing the Lucy Blues

I'm sure you've all heard of "Where's Waldo?"  Well, I'm playing a new game called "Where's Addi?" It doesn't have the same ring to it but you get the idea. Besides, I look pretty good in red and white stripes.

Here's a recap of the week: dying client, eye-sty-ing dog, clothes-washing and going on a mission from God. There you have it.

Let's stick with the dog, because at least that's fun in an expensive way and doesn't involve someone dying and doesn't involve me doing more work for the church.

Poor, poor Lucy. She must have gotten jealous of how much money we spent to keep Freckles alive back in 2010. She's out to outspend her sister.

Here's a photo of her imitating her favorite dog on the planet, Blue Dog.

No, this was not a planned donning of the blue. Lucy just joined me in making some artwork for an upcoming show. I was painting...next thing I knew, I had a dog with blue.
The wife was not amused.

Lucy is now mucking her way through an anal gland tumor, wobbly legs and disgustingly-licked-over skin. She has now decided to add what I would label a meibomian gland adenoma to the mix. (Me and the Internet--always a dangerous combination.) It's no big deal and super-common and only becomes a problem if the thing starts rubbing on the cornea.

Well, guess who is gifted in the let's-grow-a-big-eye-cyst-and-cost-you-money? You bet: Lucy.

I wasn't going to do anything about it as it's not something you do anything about....unless, it starts bothering the dog. I thought I might take a photo, post it on Book de la Face and call it a day....but, Lucy's eye got red and irritated and booger-y. So, back to the vet we went, charge card in hand. Having it fully removed (as hers in deep into the eyelid and not something you just snip off--of course it's not) is a major expense and needs a surgeon. The vet looked at it and agreed with my observation that it was deep into the eye lid.....she looked and looked....

.....and then, the vet decided to go the cheap route this time: S-S-S-S-Q-U-E-E-E-E-E-E-Z-E!

I must say, an impressive "thing" burst outta there and plopped onto the table. Lucy still has the cyst but it's smaller and it is not on as much of her eye now. I was instructed to use special eye drops (another day, another dog with eye drops) and to keep an eye on it.

It was then time for the anal gland examination and expression. Imagine how excited Lucy was about this. She now recognizes the "hold her tight for the anal gland exam" position and starts wiggling the second the vet tech assumes the "hold her" position. She has had her anal glands expressed many a time as the one with the tumor is giving her fits. Last time we were at the vet, Lucy sprayed the vet with the most-pungent-smelling stuff known to man--I'm telling you, she "got" that lady full force with a gift of anal gland juice. I shouldn't have laughed but I couldn't help it--I mean, the vet was wearing a vat of this stuff. As it was time to do it again, I warned the vet to "button up" and "stand back." Thank god she laughed. With the death grip on the greased-pig-wiggly dog, the vet released the Cracken and all was well. No one ended up wearing anything and I'm sure Lucy felt much better. After all, who the hell wants full anal gland?

The vet then said something I wasn't expecting; in fact, I don't think any of you would expect this sentence to come out of your vet's mouth (well, unless you knew something was amiss in this department).  Call me a prude but my jaw dropped wide open when the vet announced: "Look at this--her vulva is red and inflamed."

The vet grabbed Lucy's tail, lifted it straight up, grabbed Lucy's girl parts and had me take a gander.

Um, yeah, I guess. I've never really every looked at Lucy's girl parts so I can't judge if they look different or not.

The vet then said something I wasn't expecting after hearing about said girl part problems; she asked: "Do you have any of that ear medication left?"

At first, I thought she has skipped on to a new subject and I thought, "oh geez, she has ear problems, too?" Then, I realized the vet wasn't talking about her ears. She added, "just use some of that ear medication and put it on her vulva."

Oh my achin' ass....Now I have to put ear medication on Lucy's girl parts? This is ridiculous. Like I want to put ear medication on canine girl parts. I don't even have one shred of an idea of how I am going to do this. Eye drops, ear drops I can do. This? I'm gonna need therapy.

So, Lucy Bark of Poteidaia, an almost-twelve-year-old party pup has a growth on her eye lid, only half her teeth, blue hair, an anal gland tumor, quick-filling anal glands, wobbly legs that go ever which way, itchy skin and an inflamed vulva. Not only that but she has an inflamed vulva that needs ear medication.

Makes Freckles blindness and deafness seem like a picnic. 
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