Fourth and Four

Ten more days until the Madonna concert. What to wear, what to wear?

It's my absolute favorite time of year.  Well, besides my birthday week, but that's a given.  I suppose I could say it's my favorite time because it's the time of the wife's birthday and the falling leaves and the closing of the white pants season, but I would be lying.  Those are all really nice things but it's not what makes September rock. It's my favorite time of the year because professional football is back.

Pathetic, I know.

I can't help it.  I love football.  I cannot think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon.  (No disrespect to the baby jesus.)  I can't think of one thing I don't like about it.  If the wife can watch reality TV all day and night without too much whining from me, I can watch one day of football without judgment.

(By the way, what IS that mess of a honey boo boo? Oh, the lost thirty minutes I'd like to have back.)  

This year, I have taken football to a whole 'nother level: I am in four fantasy leagues.  What WAS I thinking? It sounded like a good idea at the time but now I'm not sure.  I am super confused and it's hard enough just remembering to check my players' injury status let alone decide who to start. Thankfully, one of the leagues is "only" a confidence pool, so I suppose I should call blog this Fourth and three, but I still have to remember and complete my confidence picks so at four I shall stay.

Thankfully, I was able to figure out how to have two of the leagues on my smart phone, so I can keep track of them from wherever I might be on any given Sunday (pun intended).  It doesn't work out as well as I thought it would, though--I accidentally waived one of my starting running backs when trying to move him up on my list.  It's hard to read on a smart phone when you're 50 years old--that tiny print will get you every time.  I was sick over that and couldn't get him back.  Something about have to wait about the waiver.

This was the first time I participated in a "live draft;" meaning, a bunch of us got together and sat around some stranger's living room while wearing our favorite team jerseys. We stuffed our face with food  and chose our teams, one by one, player by player, all picks displayed on the big screen.  MJagger invited me to the league and she knew the majority, if not all, of the people at the draft.  It happens to be an all-women league, which is really not here nor there except for it's important for blogging purposes: I ask you to envision 14 middle-aged women (sorry, MJagger, you are now middle aged upon crossing that 40 mark) sitting in a living room, 12 of which are wearing Bear jerseys. (I was rocking my McFadden Raider jersey and some poor lady was wearing an Alabama t-shirt. So you can envision how good I looked, here is a photo of me wearing said jersey at a Packers game last year. I've got balls to wear the opposing team's jersey while at Lambeau.) I sat on the couch, cheat sheet in hand, quietly surveying the crowd.  They were obviously well versed not only about football but also about fantasy football.  MJagger had a fantasy football magazine in front of her and it was clear that she had been studying.  Me? I had a few new apps on my phone and decided to go with technology for my information.  We sat by each other and whispered things to each other in an attempt to make sure we didn't end up picking players that were injured, released, on strike or in jail. The Alabama lady picked a guy that was waived and a guy that was no longer on any team.  I didn't have the heart to tell her.

Okay, I'm lying--I was giddy with delight that she picked those people because that means I have a better chance of beating her.

The thing that left me incredulous is that these Bears fans are so hard-core that none of them would pick Aaron Rogers for their quarterback.  I mean, come on--here's the top-rated quarterback in the league and they are all passing him up.  I was number 12 in the draft and almost got Rogers as my starting quarterback. That's unbelievable. The wife would have been pissed off had I gotten him (it's true that every player I ever pick ends up getting hurt) but I would have been a rock star.  Unfortunately, someone finally decided they'd rather win than be true to the orange and blue, so I just missed my chance.

The ladies sounded sincere and polite, gently cheering on each person's picks.  One lady would say, "good pick!" after every pick made by MJagger.  I found this strange and turned to MJagger, who explained to me that was this lady's way of saying "F*ck you."  Oh my.  There was indeed some competition going on.  Sure enough, once MJagger had alerted me of this, I watched carefully and I could tell that the lady was being a complete and total ass.

This was pretty serious stuff.  Too serious. I thought there might be a cat fight if things didn't lighten things up, so I took things into my own hands: I announced I was taking a kicker in the second round.  I thought they were all going to die.  I'm sure they thought I was a moron, but I knew what I was doing. It is fun to toy with the draft.  (I actually didn't take a kicker until the third round, which was terrifying enough for these ladies. I love messing with people.  Keep 'em off balance, that's what I say.)

The draft took over three hours.  I was exhausted by the end.

The next draft was a live on-line draft; meaning, we were all sitting at our computers in the comfort of our homes doing everything electronically.  I was number nine, which meant I had a wee bit better choice of first pick but not much better.  They had a live chat going on so I joined in.  MJagger was also in this pool-- again, these were a bunch of her friends--so, I asked if we could say whatever we wanted in the chat.  MJagger said "of course!" so I typed in some naughtiness, trying to get some banter going.

Silence.

Thanks for nothing, MJagger.

The live computer draft only took an hour, which seemed like drafting on crack in comparison to the live in-person draft.  I thought about drafting the exact same players for both teams, helping me keep track of my Sunday antics, but this was not possible as many of my players were drafted for other teams.  I suppose I should be happy, as my computer draft scored me a whole bunch better players.  If I don't do well in that pool, it's my fault for starting the wrong players.

So, today I will study my three teams (the confidence pool was done and locked by Wednesday, thank god) and try to figure out who to start, where.  I will have NO idea who to cheer for today, as I have players scattered across the league; in fact, I believe I have no "team-duplicates" on my rosters (meaning I have one player per team per league).  I am going to have to rely on the NFL channel, my computer, my phone and the wife to figure out what I'm doing, if I'm winning, if my players are even playing. The remote control is going to be ON FIRE!

I'm gonna need an assistant to keep track of all this.  An assistant and a bookie.

Today, I will not think of Madonna; rather, I will think about cheering for players on teams I hate. It's the weirdest thing to do that, but I will do what I must do to cheer my players to individual victory.

If things get ugly, I can go back to thinking about Madonna, but I'm hoping to stay focused, not distracted by Madge.  I can think about Madonna on Tuesday....after Monday Night Football.

It's fourth and four....I'm ready for some football!
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