Bugged

Last night, I started to write this blog when suddenly a storm blew into town.  Usually, this would not be a problem; but, in this case, we were out of practice as it hasn't rained since May and there have been no storms.  Instead of finishing the blog, I had to walk around looking for candles (we need some), wondering if I should get chocolate out of the freezer or not (in case the power went out), unplugging electronics (hence no computer to finish the blog) and reassuring the wife, who looked absolutely terrified.  We did indeed lose power for three hours, which is nothing.  Just ask my sister who didn't have power for three DAYS during the 100 degree spell a few weeks back.  All is well now, so back to the blog.

I'd like to talk to you about a subject of which I learned much about when getting my master's degree...in fact, I had several courses on the topic.

Somewhere during those theory, research and philosophical masters-level degree classes, I must have learned about what to do when clients experience crises such as this.

Okay, no one said anything about bed bugs. They didn't talk about scabies, lice, ring worm or even jock itch, for that matter.

I am here to tell you: Bed Bugs happen.  Bed Bugs mean business. Bed bugs are trouble.  Bed Bugs living in your clients' beds make for a whole new level of fun.  Once the bed bugs arrive, they are in no hurry to leave--in fact, they are almost impossible to move along.  

Someone should have taught me about bed bugs in relation to my chosen profession.  I mean, don't you picture bed bugs when thinking of a professional counselor or master's level art therapist?

I hear bed bugs are the norm in Europe--no one pays them much attention.  Thanks to international travel, Bed Bugs have infested the majority of New York City hotels, including the upscale hotels. Here in po-dunk Midwest mental health field, bed bugs are quite the news and are not welcome.  I've dealt with bed bugs before but not on the level we are now talking.  The local housing authority high rises are infiltrated with bed bugs--and, I mean swarming. It's disgusting. We've had to move the majority of our clients out of there, because the bugs were so bad our clients were covered with bites and there wasn't much happening to address the problem.  (Problem? What problem?)  When you move someone with bed bugs, you basically leave everything behind.  Those puppies can squeeze in anywhere and can live a year--A YEAR!!!--without feeding on anything (meaning: me or you).  MJagger has seen many a day filled with bed bugs, as it's her clients that live in the community.  She thought she had seen the last with them when one of the last remaining clients in a housing authority high rise got a crop of his own critters.  Poor MJagger--it was almost too much.  I'm sure she was thinking, "for THIS I went to college?" followed by chest pain and angst.  So, when she was faced with yet another round of bed bugs at our place of employment, I couldn't stand by and watch her suit up on her own: I had to suit up and throw myself at the mercy of the buggers.  I donned a bed bug suit (or, at least that is what we call them) and bellied up to the bar.
I admit, my dedication to my job and my friend was quite limited--I only gave her one hour and fifteen minutes of my time, because that is all the time I had available on the day she needed help.  Although I tried to do whatever I could, there is only so much I could do in an hour.  I like to think that I was more of a moral support than anything else.  After all, misery loves company.

If you've never seen a bed bug suit, here is what it looks like.  (I added the mask because the client's apartment was very smoky and dusty and I can't take smoke and dust. The mask is not part of the ensemble.  You don't inhale bed bugs.)  It's awesome because bed bugs are red or brown and the suit is white; hence, if one latches on, you can probably see it.  The suit keeps your clothes bed bug free and the booties go a long way to keep your feet free from dragging some friends along for the ride. I kind of felt like an astronaut pre-flight.  And, yes--that is duct tape on my wrists and ankles--after all, do you want bed bugs getting into the crevices of your suit? I think not.  The rubber gloves are duct-taped to my hands, which also kept my hands "clean." The problem? It was so hot in his apartment that my gloves literally filled with sweat.  I think that was more disgusting than the bugs.

Bed bugs don't really jump all that much.  Okay, so they jump.  But, it's not like they are flying around the room and it's not like they are falling off the ceiling.  I felt pretty comfortable about the whole operation.  The only time I worried was when MJagger pulled a pile of clothes off a shelf that was above her head and the whole pile fell onto her head.  That was rather traumatic.  

Our clients live in horrific poverty, so throwing away the few belongings they have would usually be heart-breaking.  Not in this case.  Throwing away a few bug-infested possessions isn't hard at all.  You don't throw it away, you don't get rid of the problem.  Oh, the housing authority has now decided to spray, but it's a half-ass attempt and they aren't emptying the apartments and they aren't getting rid of things like mattresses and they aren't even moving anyone for a day, so the bugs aren't going to be eradicated.  It's a fact.  Just ask those upscale New York hotels how much fun it is for them to get rid of the bugs.

So you know, you need to be careful when staying in any hotel.  (I'm terrified when staying in a hotel.  Just ask the wife.  I have a lot of "staying in a hotel rules.") Don't ever put your suitcase or clothes on the bed, on the floor or in the drawers.  Never.  Keep your suitcase on the suitcase rack (usually a metal, fold up thing), as bed bugs can't crawl up metal (well, at least not very well).  Keep your stuff in the suitcase on the suitcase rack. Better yet, leave your stuff in the trunk of your car.  Me? I leave my shoes on when in a hotel room.  Don't even get me started about the carpeting. (Shoes are a great mode of transportation for bed bugs so you best check your shoes before putting them in your stuff--it'd be awesome if you could put your shoes in the freezer for two weeks but you probably don't have time to do that on vacation.) Before getting into bed, take a gander at the sheets and mattress cover.  Go ahead, don't be afraid.  If you see any little red dots or suspicious brown specs--especially in the corners--leave.  (Well, unless you are European--then, you can think, "hey, this is a really clean bed--looks much better than mine at home.")

Or, you could sleep in a cocoon.  Seriously.  They have these mesh cocoon things that you sleep in, head and all.  Trust me, if you've seen bed bugs and bed bug bites, cocoons don't sound that crazy.

Or, you could sleep in your car, but then you really don't need the hotel room, do you?

Now, for the horror of MJagger's story.  Remember how that pile of clothing fell onto her head? Well, when she got home from her de-bugging of the apartment, she took a shower.  When she unbraided her hair (she has really long hair), a bed bug fell out of it.  A big one.  A big one filled with lots of blood.  Lest I think she was kidding or making it up, she took a photo of it and texted it to me.  Yup, that's her bathroom floor.  Yup, that's a bed bug. Yes, the wording in her text suggested that a bed bug had indeed fallen out of her hair.  

Thankfully, she smooshed it and it was dead by the time she took the photo.  I think she may have saved it and mailed it to the housing authority.  If she didn't, she should have, along with a nice, big bill.

She announced that she will NEVER, ever clean a client's beg-bug-infested apartment again.  Ever. Even if she were in a cocoon.  She.is.not.doing.it.

Who can blame her?  

I don't plan on helping her, either.  We'll stick to going to Madonna concerts and leave the bed bugs to someone else.
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