A Life of Its Own

I posted this picture because this is what I plan to wear to our civil union picnic.  ha ha!  Actually, I posted it in honor of Lucy Lawless' birthday yesterday.  Happy Birthday, warrior princess.

First things first: one of the victims of my unfriending fury last week has apologized--yes, one of "the others" wrote AND spoke to the wife yesterday and was very apologetic.  This brings a tear to my eye.  I highly doubt my unfriending spree had anything to do with it.  I am impressed and I know the wife is relieved.  Thank you, Baby Jesus!  Perhaps "the others" will fall, one by one.  See? The Baby Jesus really does hate homophobia.

Seeking all creative cures: the wife is still struggling (and I do mean struggling) with sciatica.  This must stop.  I can't have a lame wife and she can't have this ongoing pain.   We are seeking all recommendations at this point--nothing is too weird, too expensive, too simple, too complicated.  (She doesn't do illegal, though.)  While the acupuncture is definitely helping, she is still rather miserable, groans when she moves for any particular purpose, can only sleep on one side and still has pain, pain, pain.  I am proud to say she is doing her daily stretches and addressing her fears (go with it--it's part of the problem, we are sure).  Tonight, I will see if she wants to do a relaxation tape.  I do love a good relaxation....can't hurt to try, it's free and she can stop whenever she wants/needs to.

We must heal her--how is she ever going to be able to do "The Chicken Dance" at our civil union picnic if she is not healed by then?  (Note to Argo and Three Hawk: Are we doing the Chicken Dance at our picnice and you are doing the Hokey Pokey at your party--or, is it the other way around? I can't remember.  Damn peri-menopause!)

Ah, the civil union: the event is trying to take a life of its own.  Our wonderful, supportive, excited friends are full of great ideas, all driven by love, friendship and the best of intentions.  We basically stand here looking like deer in the headlights while things swirl around us.  One awesome suggestion was to have a "wedding" website--the websites are free and all the fabulous in-the-know-brides of the world create a site to post general wedding information, directions to the venues, place to RSVP, story of the proposal and of the wedding party, ad naseum.  This is actually a great idea; however, we're not having a wedding and once I started to make one of these web pages (for the purpose basically of gathering RSVPs and of providing driving directions), it got to be very overwhelming.  It just made me realize how much we haven't done or even thought of and this was of no comfort. The wife looked terrified when I started talking aloud, spouting out all the thoughts and questions that were developing in my brain:

Me: "What time do you want to eat? Hmmm. What time do people eat at a civil union picnic?
Wife: Blank stare.
Me: "What do you want to eat?"
Wife: "Picnic food."
Me: "Do you know any caterers? I don't know any caterers."
Wife: Blank stare.
Me: "Huh.  What the hell am I gonna call our page? Every website address has the word wedding in it."
Wife: Blank stare.
Me: "Proposal? We don't need a proposal page.  How the hell do I delete this page?"
Wife:  "Do we really need a website? I thought we were keeping this simple. This civil union is starting to take a life of its own."

I stop and ponder this statement: a life of its own. 

I agree.  The thing is alive and trying to take us over.  We.must.fight.back.  Although I am a technology whore, I scrap the idea of a website and stick to the plan.  We really do want to keep things simple. We are going to have to stand firm every time someone gives us yet another new suggestion......

.....we will smile and nod, smile and nod.

It's while I am reading various web pages developed by the organized brides in the world when I realize that I have made a grave mathematical error: when using the Christmas card list to develop the invitation list, I only counted how many envelopes I annually send out.....not realizing that more than one person lives at each house.  This means I grossly under-estimated the potential number of guests by a lot.

Oops.

I break the news gently to the wife.  She handles it quite calmly.....until I start talk about catering prices and she starts realizing that my gross miscalculation means the food costs are going to be much different than the numbers swirling in her head.

She was shell-shocked.  I had no idea she had no idea about food costs.  Here I am thinking how reasonable the prices are and what the total will be and she is thinking that this is way, way, way more than she ever envisioned.  Suffice it to say, she was quickly educated.  Once she regained consciousness, all was well.

This planning thing is hard.  I am a "here and now" kind of grrrrl--thinking two months ahead is really a stretch for me.  But, time is of the essence, so we really can't just sit around, looking clueless and constipated. We must move forward while trying to keep the thing from growing.  I think I'll make little business cards that say: "No showers.  No bachelor-ette parties. No gifts.  No website. No public ceremony--just a picnic." This may or may not help as we move forward.

I've had more than one friend say to me, "you did this once before--how can this be hard for you?"  This always makes me burst into laughter:  that was in a previous life, when I was like 12 years old, completely naive to the fact I should have been terrified (and running far away) and most likely in a drunken stupor. I had a grasp (albeit limited) of what was expected in the wedding world and my amazing parents thankfully and generously led the way.  I worked for a priest (stop laughing!) who was full of wedding wisdom.  The pending father in law had connections to the printers in town, so invitations were a no-brainer. My parents took care of reception-planning.....

....we basically hung on for the ride.

Here's a photo of me that might help explain things.  Sorry you can't see the blue hi-tops I am wearing.  See? Definitely a previous life.  This person cannot help me today.  Friends, the "bride of yester-year" is not going to provide one ounce of useful direction.

Out of respect, I will not post a photo of the wife in her brides maid gown (but, I sure want to!).

Back to today.  Here and now. We will work with what we've got into today's civil union world.  And, for all you well-intentioned friends: we love you, we appreciate you, we listen to you, we thank you. Please don't take offense when I hand you that business card mentioned above.

For the record, we are incredibly fortunate that my family remains super-supportive and are available for "civil union planning consultation."  For instance, last night food questions were addressed, thanks to the much sought input from my mother and sister. I know my family will do whatever they can and whatever is asked.  The wife's family is coming around and there is hope for them--my money is that they will do what they can, too (in their own time).  Our friends are the bomb.  My co-workers are unbelievable.

My mantra: "We are having a picnic.  We can plan a picnic. We are having a picnic.  We can plan a picnic." Take that, you civil union monster, you.

I'd write more but I have to go plan a picnic, slay a monster and find a cure for sciatica.

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