Thursday, March 17, 2011

First Annual Civil Union Softball Tournament

This photo was gleaned off yoism.org.  That website made me laugh almost as much as this photo. I give all credit to yoism.org.  I do not have rights to this photo, no injury or malice intended by using it. Just remember: Homophobia makes Baby Jesus Cry.

I have written this blog FIVE times.  Five! Usually, I sit down, crank it out and don't look back.  I don't edit for grammar or content or anything--I literally write it and be done with it.  So, to have five tries and still be thinking about it has given me pause.  The first time, it was too serious.  The second, too whiny.  The third, too wimpy and way too disappointed in myself. Where is the humor? The optimism? The light-hearted, irreverent fun? It must've been in my ass cuz it sure wasn't in the blog. The fourth, disappointing in general and not coming out the way I intended. The fifth? Well, we'll know in a few minutes! 

Yesterday, I received a link from a FB friend (ya gotta love FB friends) pointing me to "Understanding Civil Unions in Illinois." I was uber-excited about this, as the wife and I have had many questions about this whole pending civil union thing.  Here's the link in case you have some burning desire to learn more about this whole business:  http://eqil.org/cmsdocuments/Civil_Unions_FAQs.pdf    I printed out the five page document and showed it to the wife.  We both read the information, which led to much discussion. Can I just say that this has the potential to get complicated?

So complicated in my little brain that this is my fifth attempt to write about it. 
  
I really hadn't thought about the details that might be involved with getting civilized.  If we were of a straighter orientation, we would would know that society dictates that there is a wedding and a reception. You have to get a marriage license.  You have to send out invitations.  You basically know what to wear.  You know who will actually marry you.  You don't have to worry about what people will think about a wedding. Simple.  Expensive, but simple.  You have options--you can elope to Vegas if you want. I do so love a good wedding.

With a civil union, I figured there would be some paperwork and a dinner: go to courthouse, prove your identity, prove you are divorced (in my case, not the wife's), sign some papers, pay some money, go eat dinner somewhere, done.  Truly like a business transaction.  This was fine with me and the wife.  We're simple folk. We're cheap.  We've been together a bazillion years.  We really don't need an official ceremony--as long as I get new jewelry, I'm all good with not having an official ceremony. We like a fun dinner with a few close friends.  We'd rather buy some new furniture or some new jewelry or go on a trip at this point of the game. 

After reading the document, we realized we were wrong--it's not that simple. Yes, we do indeed need to go to court house, but there are other steps.....we have to get a license, pay a fee, wait at least 24 hours....and then "deliver the license to the person who will certify your civil union.  After the ceremony....."  WAIT.A.MINUTE!  Ceremony? Persons who certifies us?  "Your civil union may be certified by a judge....or a public official whose powers include solemnization of marriage.  You may also have your civil union certified in accordance with the rules of any religion...."

Who the hell is going to civil union us? It's not like you can just walk in any church and ask them to do this.  We don't exactly live in the valley of gay support. I can't even imagine standing in front of some judge....I liked my business transaction version better....what to do, what to do...

For the record, I went on line and see what it would take to become an ordained minister.  It's really easy! Maybe one of our friends could get ordained.  You know, maybe I'll get ordained....there is gonna be a need for this kind of thing--second job, here I come!  We are hoping Master Pastor Reiki is an ordained minister.  You are probably asking yourself how the hell a Master Pastor would NOT be an ordained minister, but this may be a legitimate question. I have a phone call to make.  If she's not ordained the way the State of Illinois requires, I'm gonna tell MJagger to become an ordained minister so she can lead the ceremony.  We'll let her husband be the ring bearer.

The wife and I put the ceremony thing aside and consider what the document actually spells out. I'm not exactly sure what the union actually affords us.  The written information indicates that Illinois Civil Unions entitles partners "the same legal obligations, responsibilities, protections and benefits that state law provides to married spouses."  Cool!  Further reading suggests being civilized helps a lot if one of us dies or if one of us is hospitalized, which although rather maudlin is a very important benefit. It's not federally recognized, so nothing there.  Damn. Employers in the State of Illinois don't have to offer spousal benefits to those who have had a civil union, so no bonus points there.   It does indeed provide public recognition of our relationship. I am all for public recognition of our relationship. We are a handsome couple, don't you think? Besides, the wife should get something out of being with me for so long.  She's earned a party and recognition.  Yet, after re-reading the information, we start to waiver.....our friends already recognize us.....perhaps Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell might have gotten things right.


Side note: This photo cracks me up.  Rainbow explosion!  You know, I AM looking for a new ring.....ha ha! Rainbow paraphernalia will NOT be sported at any ceremony held in the Addiverse.Well, not unless we have a civil union softball tournament.  Then, rainbows will be smattered across the field and the union party like there's no tomorrow.

As we waiver, I voice my concerns to the wife. I am all about the romantic notion of a ceremony--I really do love weddings--but, seriously--does anyone really want to watch two middle-aged women have a civil union?   Besides, I keep thinking,"I can't kiss the wife in front of so and so!"

So much for being a romantic and/or brave soul.

The wife and I have held several long discussions about what to do.  Being the good spouse that I am, I won't write about the details. I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

To be honest, I have been VERY disappointed by the old-fashioned, close-minded, scare-dy pants thoughts swirling in my brain.  My outsides say, "who cares what people think?" while my insides are saying, "I care very much."  UGH! It frustrates me to no end that after all these years I care at all.  Those two years at my previous job set me back twenty five years--I let that two year experience mess with my mind. It's now I grasp how much an non-supportive environment can really befuckle things.  How did I let this happen?  Me, queen of the queers, befuckled;  me, March-in-Parades-Pink-Triangle-Wearing-Grrrrl is now unable to contemplate a civil union without sweating, fretting and second-guessing myself.

I need therapy or an exorcism:  Get out of my head, Old-Job-Satan!

As with "real" weddings, there will be people who will not support us. I need to keep reminding myself that sometimes guest lists for "real" weddings get complicated and icky and that not everyone will support the union. I do not like the notion of this, but we know there will be people that we know and love very much who will not support this move nor will they attend a ceremony or a picnic or party or a softball tournament to recognize the occasion.  They tolerate us and love us but they will not approve or recognize this; in fact, they will do just the opposite. It's easy to say, "who cares what they think--their loss?" But really? We care. We love our peeps.  We want our peeps to party with us. This was so much simpler when this was a business transaction.  Not very romantic, but simpler.

So, we are now fretting.  We are fretting about the reasons to have or not have a civil union, the potential guest list, the logistics of this and that, the pros/cons of a ceremony, about ideas for a party or picnic or a gathering or a dinner or that ingenious idea of a softball tournament (THAT would be fitting).  Perhaps we should have the ceremony on the softball field of our alma mater.  (We certainly will NOT be getting civilized at the church on the campus of our alma mater--already got married there once, thank you very much. Didn't turn out so good.) Thankfully, the wife does not lose her sense of humor when we are talking about all this. She astutely points out, "You won't be able to be serious during any of this, anyways." Touche.

At least the day was easy enough to pick out.  For the record, I voted for my birthday.  Easy to remember, awesome birthday present.  I'm not sure we'd be able to do the ceremony and party on the same day, but at least we have a day in mind for on part of the ordeal.  If not then, I voted we wait until next April.  (Who knows if civil unions will still be legal by then?!!)  The weather will be nicer for a softball tournament in June as opposed to April; but, if we wait til April, I can save up for a new rainbow-themed softball uniform.

Will there or won't there be a civil union? I am not sure. There is plenty of time to decide. Plenty of time for the wife to cure her sciatica, for me to get an exorcism and for someone to get their minister's license.  Plenty of time for me to envision a ceremony of some type or another.  Plenty of time to argue the pros and cons of taking advantage of this opportunity. Plenty of time for the Baby Jesus to cry over my internal homophobia.....

.....plenty of time to dust off the ol' softball shoes and to find my thirty year old softball mitt.  Rainbow Tournament, here we come!

1 comment:

  1. Get hitched as soon as it is legal to do so. DO NOT PUT IF OFF. I know someone, somewhere in Illiniois is going to get a Proposition on the Ballot to OUTLAW CIVIL UNIONS as they did here in California. We were going to wait until our Anniversary in February. Then all these rumors of polls not going in our favor - then there was the confusion voting YES - meant no more weddings and voting NO - meant keep the marriages going. So, we married on election day. The following day the marriages ended...but after court challenges - although Prop 8 was kept legal - so, were all previously performed marriages. Keep it simple, at city hall with just a few witnesses - and if you have the $ then throw a party. Just my advice - but do not put it off.

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