Lessons Learned

This is Sandy the Guinea Pig. A wonderful pig she was, bringing joy to my beloved god daughter for seven or more years--she was a long-lived pig. I dedicate this blog entry to Sandy who sadly went to the great pig pen in the sky just a few short weeks ago. Godspeed, Sandy.

In four business days, I will finish my tenure at my current job ("of which I do not speak") and will go back to my future, returning to my previous job (of which I certainly will speak). With perfect timing, one of my current-soon-to-be-ex-co-workers asked, "what have you learned while here?" Being that she is from a "recovery model," I knew she wasn't asking about what skills I had learned; she meant what life lessons had I learned.

Her question was asked at the perfect time. Transition is a great time for reflection. What had I learned?

Number one: I missed my peeps. I learned--re-affirmed?--that I absolutely adore working with the chronically mentally ill. It really is my population of choice. Being away from persons with chronic mental illness made me appreciate them even more. Give me a room of men with schizophrenia any day and I'm one happy grrrrl. While I truly enjoyed working with older persons with dementia (no disrespect here), I am made to work in the field of which I hold my degrees. I am so grateful that I have a second chance to be with my peeps.

Number Two: Authenticity rocks. It's integral--like chocolate, breathing and Madonna, authenticity is vital to my very being. Despite knowing this, knowing how important it is to be true to yourself, I became completely untrue the minute I stayed on that job. (I'm not exaggerating when I say I cried every day for a month after starting that job--it was really clear from the beginning that I was a fish out of water.) Quite to my shock, disbelief and horror, I let them shove me right back in the closet. I let them make me their moral issue. I was surrounded by all sorts of parameters I didn't recognize and didn't fight back. I think part of the problem is that the whole thing was so overwhelmingly foreign that I didn't know what the hell to do--it didn't register in my paradigm--it didn't make any sense. I took for granted how my previous job had allowed me to be my authentic self, how my previous co-workers accepted me for whom I am, recognized the wife for who she is to me. Although I didn't "like" the way this lesson came to me, I am thankful for the reminder to never allow anyone to "make me feel inferior without my consent" (thank you, Eleanor Roosevelt) and for the reminder for me to be me, because I am just fine the way I am and because the wife deserves WAY BETTER than what they afforded her to be. The wife rocks.

Number three: That green grass? It's not greener. We all know this, but it's always a surprise when this lesson comes along. The funding for this job looked so much more promising, so much more greener--green money pun intended. I jumped funding ships and found myself on another ship....in the same funding sea.....sinking just like the funding boat I just jumped from. Two years at sea, fighting the same funding waves on a human service, sinking boat with people that weren't one bit fun. At least the boat I had been on in the mental health field had a lot of fun people on it. I left something I loved for greener grass and got smacked in the head. Point taken.

Number Four: It sucks to be my boss. I can be a real ass, an arrogant fool, a pompous ass. I already knew this, so that's not a new lesson. The Universe, with its great sense of humor, brought me to supervisor me as part of my life lesson. In other words, it sucks when you have to be the supervisor of someone who is basically you. I would listen to this lady and think, "oh my god, I've said those exact same words." I recognized the same behaviors, thought patterns and belief systems. I wanted to slap her first and slap me second. I apologize humbly to my previous boss. Trust me when I say I will be a MUCH better employee the second time around. I was meant to leave my job to learn how to do my job.

Number Five: Costco has cheap prescriptions. I wouldn't have known this without changes in my work insurance. I suppose I should thank my current job for that lesson--when your insurance benefit basically dries up, you become creative (and whiny). This creativity (and whiny-ness) led to my education about Costco.com, all credit going to my mother. Thank you, Cool Mama. Thank you, Costco. Take that, bastard drug companies.

Number Six: Never using a sick day doesn't get you any further than using a sick day. It's not like my employer is going to pay me for all those sick days I've accumulated. They don't give you perfect attendance awards. I don't see a bonus check in my future. No one is given out special recognition for me having perfect attendance. I'm not talking about taking sick days for other-than-sick purposes. I'm talking about days I should have stayed home because I was sick but dragged my cross right to my office and made sure not to miss a day. Duh. Take care of yourself. Respect yourself. Recognize the worth of yourself.

Number Seven: Politicians are self-serving asswipes. This is not a new lesson for any of us--it was just an "amped up" lesson for me. Having to spend so much time with politicians increased my understanding of how they are all about keeping their jobs--that's it. They don't give a rat's ass about us or about human services or whatever. They are all lying sacks of poo, all working hard to ensure their re-election. I spit on all of them.

Number Eight: Here's a surprise lesson: I liked dressing up for work. I can live with business casual and business attire. I actually figured out a way how to be authentic in dress while not being authentic to self. I probably lowered the dress code several notches but still managed to look nice 98% of the days I was there. Side note: I also learned that I hate dress socks or hose or whatever those things are called. Blech. I will never wear dress hose again.

Number Nine: You can't fight city hall. Or, perhaps "there is one in every crowd." I'll leave it at that; suffice it to say, there is always one who you should not waste time fighting about because you will not win--nor is it your job to win. I thank this person for being in my life because I think I actually understand this lesson now. Time will tell!

Number Ten: It's all good. I am a funny, sincere, spiritual big ol' gaywad with a fabulous wife and a fabulous life--no matter what a job tries to tell me. I have two wonderful dogs, I have great health & I am filled with gratitude. I am surrounded by loving, supportive people. I have met Lucy Lawless. I am a Little Monster. The Universe brings me exactly what I need, including life lessons. One final big lesson learned: it's all good. I say it. I mean it. It IS all good. Amen.

Four business days. But, who's counting?
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