One bite at a time

Ah yes, it is actually after 11 PM and I am still wide awake, which in this case is a good thing because I never got around to writing a blog this week, so why not write it while I'm still upright? I've been way overwhelmed these days, too distracted to stay on blogging task. I don't know why I am awake, but I am, so no sense arguing.

Before I get around to any more nighttime rambling, I'd like to give a big shout out of get well soon wishes to Bitty Bichon, who had the distinct pleasure of being as they say "fixed" last week. I never understood that term--it's not like she was broken or anything. Those staples are making everyone's life a bit more complicated at the gaybors' house and so I give a shout out to Cheeseball Neighbor, too--you're a saint.

Ah, the elephant. It's been a crazy, crazy week in the Addiverse, so crazed that at one point I just froze. There was too much to do, too many things to think about, too many things going wrong, too many stressors making my "what you think is what you get" mentality frazzled beyond compare. While I stood there frozen, I tried to tell myself, "I can do this," but I most certainly did not think that I could. All the positive self talk fell on deaf ears. That's when the elephant came to mind.

It has been asked, "how do you eat an elephant?" And, the answer is, "One bite at a time." With this little diddy, I was able to unfreeze and move slowly toward addressing everything in my way. I went on line, found the picture of the elephant, printed it out and posted it on my monitor, on my desk, on my date book. I then assured myself I could indeed eat this elephant one bite at a time.

It worked swimmingly and I begin plugging along, tackling little problems first, moving my way up to the bigger things on the "oh-my-god-how-am-I-gonna-do-this? list."

Then, something went terribly wrong. That elephant went screaming down the street and I was left to my own devices. Every coping skill I have ever learned--or taught--went flying out the window, never to be seen again.

It might have been the stress. It might have been hormones gone awry. It might have been some form of mental illness surfacing. It might have been trying on those dress pants for a presentation and they wouldn't even go on all the way, let alone button. Whatever IT was, it was not a pretty site and I snapped.

Unfortunately, my snapping came at a VERY inopportune time. The "F" bomb, followed the word "you" and a very specific person's name, along with a shaking finger pointing, tears flying and my very own spittle spitting, came soaring, screaming out....at the place of which I do not speak, at a person who would be in charge of me if I did indeed speak of such a place.

Oh dear.

Like the BP oil well spewing oil into the Gulf, I was belching up hate and I couldn't plug the leak. There was no capping this explosion. I was on a roll.

I have no idea how I wasn't canned on the spot but I remain an employed person in the working world, so I guess I will be one grateful psychotic bitch.

I am not one iota proud to admit to such inappropriate, outrageous behavior; but, I always own up to my failings and this is one of them. For the Christians in the room at the time I was "spewing oil," (you didn't think I'd waste my time acting like this one on one, did you?), I admit that I was not Christ-like in any capacity and for this I atone.

So much for that one bite at a time thing.

I find myself wondering if I need hormones, anti-depressants, a slap to the head, shock therapy, an exorcism, a new job or a diet. (Damn, I need those pants to fit!) Whatever it is I need, I suggest to myself I find it rather soon. I do not anticipate I will ever have another opportunity to act in such a manner and continue to find bi-weekly monetary gain in my bank account. I will literally trying to eat elephant ears if that happens.

Right now, I am choking down a HUGE piece of humble pie and enjoying a serving of regret. It doesn't taste very good, I might add and does tend to swim around in my head when trying to fall asleep.

In an effort to get back on my "law of attraction" road to success, I am listing all the things I want (and thus have) in my life.

Eating elephant is not on the list.

Now that I have confessed all this, I am rather tired and I do think I will be able to fall asleep. I thank you for allowing me to admit my faults and for providing me the vehicle to make public amends to those I most certainly owe apology. Purging the soul in a blog format is one way to work a program, I suppose. It won't make my pants fit but it might help me remember to keep the cap on my oil well.

I end with the modified Serenity Prayer, of which you have probably seen before:
"God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today,
because they may be connected to the ass I have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to remember when I am having a REALLY bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.
Amen"