Lumpy Armpit Neighbor (and Forty Nine Cent Cones)

I am not going to get all political on you--everyone else is doing a fine job of that for me. (Book de la Face Status Updates are spewing hate all over the place! I've never seen anything like it.) All I am going to say is, "I don't get it." I must be brain dead or on another planet. I don't get it....and I certainly don't get why using anti-gay and racist slurs makes any sense in relation to current events.

Please don't send me hate mail or long-winded explanations. I'd rather talk about Pamela Anderson's performance on Dancing with the Stars last night than talk about all the hate. (Um, I'm not even sure what to make of Pam's dance...or, her after-the-dance antics. I do know that she is gonna get a ZILLION votes from all the teenage boys that happen to walk in the room during her dance. Check!)

I don't get it....but I do get that it's all good because cones at McD's are back to forty nine cents!!!!! That's almost as good as "Free Coffee Mondays in March" at the Double D. If everyone would stop calling each other horrible names and purchased $.49 cones instead, we'd all be in a much better place.

A weird thing is occurring in the Addiverse. I have a lump--swollen lymph node--under my left arm (that's not the weird thing--that's a re-occurring, old news thing--don't get all freaked out on me--it's done this two other times, takes literally about six months to go away, is a real pain). I haven't really said anything about it to anyone (until now, where all six of you regular readers will now be in the know), so it's not like the neighborhood would be privy to such information (which would indeed be a weird thing). I haven't really mentioned the related symptoms, not even to the wife. (Let me reassure you: I've been to the doctor, I am on anti-biotics, it has happened before.) The weird thing? The weird thing is that the lady across the street--a lady with whom I have had no contact--has the exact same thing.

Is it weird that I know this? Yes! Of course, it's friggin' weird!! How many of you know if your neighbor has a swollen lymph node under his/her arm?

Actually, it's the wife's fault I know about this, as the wife was talking to Lumpy Armpit Neighbor (LAN) and it came up in conversation (which is also weird but makes sense when you have all the background information of which I shall not share at this moment). LAN went to the emergency room because of her armpit lump. (I was not a drama queen and did not go to the emergency room, but I understand her thinking. Besides, this is old news to me. She's probably having a virginal lumpy armpit experience.)

I have several theories about the swollen armpit issue:
(1) Alien beings have been coming into our houses in the night and both Lumpy Armpit Neighbor and I have been abducted without knowing it. Alien testing has led to this side effect OR Alien experiments have led to implanted nodules which are now transmitting information to their home planet.
(2) Toxic waste has been spewing forth in our neighborhood and LAN and I just happen to be standing outside at the same time as a nuclear waste cloud wafted past our houses, leading to our armpit issue.
(3) We've both got bubonic plague.
(4) We are both having an allergic reaction to the nonsense going on in today's world and our lymph nodes are trying to escape our bodies in an effort to escape the madness.
(5) We both took on a painful lymph node as means of mortifying our flesh during Lent.

Whatever the reason, I have yet to talk to her, so I have nothing further to go on. If my node sticks around for awhile, I'll take a picture of it and post it here. If LAN's lump sticks around AND assuming she'll pose, I'll take a picture of our lumps together and post them here. If anyone sees Aliens in the neighborhood, YOU take the photos, as LAN will be unconscious on a space ship in a near galaxy.

In the meantime, I'm going to McD's. I hear cheap ice cream cones cure what ails you.