Part II: I scream, you scream, we all scream for.....


...I scream for...for high cholesterol? I am having ice cream for breakfast today. Seriously. Why? Because my cholesterol was so disgustingly high when I got the test results yesterday that I decided to eat myself into an ice cream coma and then cut out all the high-fructosed, corn-syruped, hydrogenated-sugared-parts in my life. I did indeed basically scream when the nurse was reading the numbers to me--I was one big crabby patty when she was reporting what I was not expecting to hear. I kept saying, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

I had visions of consuming raw red meat, vats of french fires, six-egg omelets and double-cheese pizzas.

It did not help one iota when she assured me my HDL was incredible and that actually my numbers balance out and thus the doctor is going to cut me slack and not seek medication-induced lower cholesterol. (My HDL is rocking, but that won't save my sorry ass in the long run.)

You might be asking what sugar has to do with cholesterol. I've always thought there had to be some connection, as evidenced by my elevated cholesterol. I'm happy to report (um, maybe happy is not the right word) science is indeed finding links between sugar and high cholesterol. With the amount of sugar I eat in a day, I believe I am the poster child of "sugar-induced high cholesterol." (I want credit if that becomes standard reference to cholesterol issues related to sugar addiction.) If they need a subject to test, I am the one they should seek.

I am living testimony how vegetarian walkers in relatively good shape can have high cholesterol. I take those dang giant fish oil things (which, by the way, does not make this vegetarian one bit happy). I stay far from fried foods. I don't usually eat eggs unless they are in something else (like ice cream or cake). I don't eat real cheese (unless a pizza comes my way once every three or four months). I eat fake-soy-doesn't-really-melt cheese, tofu-laden products yadda yadda.

It's gotta be heredity and sugar. Mostly sugar. Actually, mostly man-made/man-ruined sugar products--not plain old cane sugar. It's all those scientifically messed up sugars that create more problems that old fashion sugar (although the volume of that I consume is indeed a problem, too). We should have been listening when Kevin Trudeau was whining about all of this.

Of course, changing hormones supposedly don't help in the cholesterol department but my blood work as related to hormones suggest that I have a lonnnnnnng, lonnnnnng, lonnnnnnnnnnng way to go before I can use that as an excuse. (In fact, looks like I could shoot out a baby without even trying, those hormones are so good....that's NOT on my list of things to do today.)

So, excuse me while I slurp more ice cream down. I'm getting kinda nauseous but I'm not giving in until it's all gone.

Tomorrow's sugar crash is gonna suck.

I scream.....for....um, Japanese blog comments? What the???? Today, someone posted a comment on one of my previous blog entries....in Japanese (or Chinese or Mandarin or some other form of Asian-ese, no offense to anyone--I'm not well versed in anything beyond our basic alphabet). How could I NOT think about approving the comment--this means the Addiverse is INTERNATIONAL! I was hoping it didn't say something really, really obscene (of which it certainly might, as it was posted on my "Bigger, Wider, Longer Ellen DeGeneres blog entry). If anyone of you is good at translating Japanese, let me know. That way, we can find out if I've just referred to the size of someone's something and how to make that something something bigger and stronger.


It looks really cool. I'm sure it's perverse, so I can't post it for you. That's all I need: to be inundated by male enhancement product information in Japanese or put an end to your computer world via a Japanese bug. (Not a Japanese Beetle bug. Just a virus bug.)

finally.....I scream for....Brett Favre's disloyal, selfish, pompous, hypocritical, waffle-filled, egotisical decision to poop on all those Packer fans. He can say what he wants, but the Cheddarlands is a-fire with disdain for their fallen hero. I am not sure the wife or her family or her peeps of Wisconsin are going to live through this debacle. While I enjoy all the fodder, I am worried for the safety and sanity of those residing north of the Flat Lands Border....

...I mean, setting all those Favre jerseys on fire at the same time could really mess with global warming.

It's gonna be a long, long football season. Well, unless the ol' Mississippi Drama Queen gets injured; then, it's gonna be one big party around here.

Buy these things in stock and then move North: Cheese fries, cheese curds, fat-laden kringles, brats, brats and more brats. Beer. Beer by the truckload. If Favre gets hurt/throws interception after interception/sucks/does really well, the party people of the Cheddarlands are going to be consuming these things in mass quantities.....

Stockpile. Just keep it stock-piled. They are gonna need this stuff. Buy low, sell high. Just stay away from Japanese male enhancement products and Japanese beetles.
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