Beware, Madonna!

Last night, the wife, grrrlz and I were enjoying the company of "Brown Dog. Suddenly, Brown Dog went into pointer stance, as there was a bunny not 20 feet away. That dog stood there like a statue, pointing like there was no tomorrow. I don't mean for a few seconds--I mean minutes! Freckles and Lucy didn't know what the hell was going on, as evidenced in this photo. Looks like they are getting pointers from the pointer. Talk about earning your breed name. The dogs were so engrossed by Brown Dog's behavior that they didn't even notice the bunny. It was only after repeated commands to go get the bunny did Brown Dog break stance. Not surprisingly, Lucy and Freckles remained seated.

The wife is on leg two of three of her Annual Tour of the Cheddar Lands. I promised I wouldn't mow anything in her absence. I am also staying far away from the counters, not doing anything to the gardens, buying coffee instead of making it and basically going to work, eating and going to bed. Better safe than sorry.

The riding lawn mower is back, by the way. I will not be using it.

BTW, the wife remains distraught that Farrah Fawcett's death was completely overshadowed by Michael Jackson's death on the same day. I hate to tell her--it's not like he decided to die that day to one up Jill Munroe or anything. I'm sure he's wishing he had been around to lament her loss. The wife continues to talk about that tear-jerker of a documentary regarding Farrah's cancer treatment. So much for the cover of People, Farrah.

Speaking of dead Michael, I've had lots of people ask me what I think about the King of Pop, his death, his life, his whatever. What I have to say is this:

Beware, Madonna!

I figure the biggest superstars of the 20th century are dead. Worse, all these stars with personal doctors on duty are dead. Elvis is dead. Marilyn Monroe is dead. Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Michael Jackson is dead. If I'm Madonna, I'm gonna be peeing in my pants and I am certainly NOT going to have a personal doctor on staff.

Madonna, get your heart checked and give up any pain pills you are thinking about taking. Alive and in pain seems a better option than dead. We've got to keep you alive. There's no one left of your caliber!

There weren't bigger stars than Michael Jackson and Madonna in the 1980s. They were the darlings of M-TV. Although the network might argue otherwise, these two superstars are the reason M-TV "worked" and stuck around. I mean, MJ's "Thriller" video in 1984 changed the world forever. I'm serious! I can tell you where I was when the video debuted. It was AMAZINGLY wonderful. Engrossing. Creative. Fresh. Fun! Madonna spent five million dollars on her "Express Yourself" video--giant bucks back in the day. Wacko Jacko and Madge changed the way people thought about--and then made--music videos. (Had Elvis been alive, he would have been a natural for M-TV, fatty patty or not.)

As for my thoughts specifically about Michael: I can't help but smile whenever I hear the song "Don't stop til you get enough" from the "Off the Wall" album. I am immediately transported back to the days of Rollerskating with TV Magpies and Laura Bob. Saturday nights at "The Axle," were filled with good, clean fun (well, fun unless you fell on your ass and everyone rolled over you), the Commodores and Michael Jackson.

You know, almost any song from "Off the Wall" gets my smile going.

I am a big fan of MJ's music and of his videos. "Thriller," the biggest selling album of all time (with good reason), was genius and I can assure you my copy is in bad shape from all the use it got. I took my clothes off at a party with "Bad" playing in the background. (Don't ask--it was to prove a point. I made $37 doing it, so it wasn't entirely a loss.) I can still clearly envision the video with Lisa Marie Presley. Be honest--who can't picture his crotch grabbing, one-gloved hand, that red jacket, moon-walking? Don't even tell me you didn't try to moon-walk if you are my age. Of all his hits, I can only think of one that I didn't care for (Ebony and Ivory--ugh)--that's a pretty good track record. He crossed all boundaries and that made him even bigger.

I shall not speak of him setting his hair on fire while filming a Pepsi commercial.

Unfortunately, music and videos were not all there was to this mega-star. Haunted by allegations, plastered on the cover of tabloids, plagued by debt, he was quite the enigma. Did he want to look the way he did? Was it calculated? Was it part of continually reinventing himself, like Madonna is always doing? Or, was it body dysmorphia? Surgery gone bad? A skin disorder? A host of medical conditions? A combination of it all? What's with the monkey, dangling your kid over the balcony, wearing pajamas to court, sleeping with kids? Was it truly innocence? Mental illness? Disgusting pedophilia? Result of devastating abuse? Part of a master plan to stay in the news?

I have no idea.

If I could find a video clip of Nancy Grace saying, "Molester, molester, molester!" I would post it here, because (1) it was hilarious; and, (2) it's part of Wacko Jacko's history. I wish I could say I only remember him for his music, but I can't. (It's kind of like how I can't erase "Shanghai Surprise" from my Madonna vault, only on a much, much grander scale.)

I beg Madonna: beware! Life is short and you're the last true mega-star we've got. If you ever get the urge to take pain pills, abuse pills, hire a doctor to make sure you are well-stocked with pills, just remember.....

.....the Most Successful Entertainer Ever (as deemed by the Guinness Book of World Records) turned out to be one messed up, dead Peter Pan.

If you need some pointers, I know a dog that can help you....
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