Secret of Life

After much deliberating and fighting, I've accepted the secret to life:

Bigger pants!

I blew out the crotch on a pair of pants the other day. That's never a good sign. Reality and a hole in your pants demand either weight loss or bigger sized pants.

As you Addiverse readers know, I have been beside myself about this whole thing. But, since wearing the bigger sized pants, I have noticed that the world has kept revolving, that I don't have that "squeezed sausage feeling," and....

....people think I've lost weight!

The trick to buy bigger pants is to buy them just a little too big. That way, they are a bit baggy, and after people have seen me in the tighter pants for many months, the baggy ones do indeed create an optical illusion of weight loss. Bonus!

Another way to camouflage the mid-life spread is to utilize the back-in-style leave-your-shirt-untucked look. I used to fight leaving my shirt untucked but now it's a godsend.....and, in style (or so my 50+/older friends tell me).

A final way I've acclimated to my new found pant size is to wave the white flag while shoving a Dove Dark Chocolate in my mouth. On second thought, maybe shoveling two Dove Dark Chocolates in at a time. Who has time to argue when enjoying the nectar of the gods?

I thought about doing a Jillian tape the other day but then remembered the pain she has caused me in the past. I quickly ran for a dark chocolate and promptly forgot about her. Speaking of Jillian, I saw my Beloved Lady Chiropractor last Friday and have been blissful ever since. Man, I love that lady. Crack, crack, crack. But, my pocketbook does not love her so my love fest is quite limited in nature. Besides, it's not like she can help me fit in to my old pants (which are safely tucked away, not given or thrown away like last time--I've learned, boys & girls), unless it's because I can't afford food because I'm throwing my grocery money at her.

Finally, if you need a flashback to April 1, 2008 or April 1, 2006, please indulge yourself by clicking on the links below. If not, Happy April Fool's Day from one of the world's biggest fools....and, I'm okay with that!

http://addiwp.blogspot.com/2008/04/love-in-elevator-this-blog-post-is.html

http://addiwp.blogspot.com/2006/04/two-fools-for-april-fools-day-here-are.html