A Day at the Fair
Some of you may be so distraught about the events related to Brett Favre (example: the wife) that you may not have notice that I have been hanging out at the County Fair.

Yes, for all you Chicagoans, I have been fair-ified.

Here's my newest friend, Mr. Cow. See that look on his face? He just learned he's what's for dinner tomorrow. Holy cow!

I didn't go for poops and giggles or because I am a big fair fan--I went for work. I'm out recruiting and the best place to find certain people in certain counties of this great State is indeed at the County Fair.
I know, I know--going to the fair is a hard day's work and I know you are all feeling pain for me. Let me clarify--that's not pain...that's my arteries hardening from all the fat I have ingested. My poor, poor cholesterol....

I spent two days at the fair, seated in an un-airconditioned metal barn on an old, broken folding chair in front of an old, crooked table. Talk about sweating. My underwear became one with me in all that heat. Not that I'm complaining. A hot day at the county fair is better than a cool day in an office any day.

Being from "the city," there are some things at the county fair that mystify me.
For one, why do the sheep wear clothes? I've heard people say there are wolves in sheeps clothing, but this is different. Do the sheep know they are wearing pillow cases? Do they care? I'm sure the outfit is designed to keep their wool clean and dry but I'm wondering if 4-H kids just thought it would be fun to dress up Mr. Sheep (or Ms. Sheep, as the case may be). I liked the dressed up sheep so much that I took several pictures of them. I think the sheep in the close up is smiling but you can't really tell.














My second question is: does this pig in this photo know that he is in a building marked "chop shop" and that he is soon to be "the other white meat?"
















By the way, the county fair ALWAYS confirms my choice of vegetarianism. I want to open all the pens and yell RUN! BE FREE! YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE DINNER! I don't know how those 4-H kids do it. They spend all their time raising these animals and then are proud and excited when they win a ribbon because that means their pet is about to become butchered and that is a very good thing. Dear god--run, piggy, run!

My third question is: do you know how many grams of fat are in a funnel cake? I hope not or you won't eat one. (The answer is 44 grams. Woof. That is a LOT of fat. I'm guessing that's fried in beef fat, not trans free fat. And, that's the PLAIN funnel cake, not the topped with something even worse for you.) I love a good, hot, gooey funnel cake but it is not something you should eat by yourself--you should find someone to share it with so you can share the fat AND share the problem of getting powdered sugar all over your shirt. Dr. Dean Ornish does NOT approve of funnel cakes when trying to lower cholesterol. I bet Dr. Ornish never hung out at the fair with the smell of funnel cakes wafting in the breeze.

Of course, why waste your time on a funnel cake if you can be eating a home-made cream puff:

I won BIG points for bringing a cream puff home to the wife. Let me tell you, it is VERY hard to drive and hold a cream puff at the same time. For some reason, the cream puff line wasn't very long today, so it was easier to get the cream puff than to transport the cream puff. I certainly have NOT researched how much fat is in a cream puff but I'm sure it's more than in a funnel cake.

Me? I stuck to ice cream today. Home made ice cream. Yum!

How can you not love fair food? Oooh, fresh corn on the cob--one of my favorites--right off the grill. Yum Yum! There is something delightfully wonderful about the sinful fair food in the world.

The fair is a really big deal in these parts; in fact, I was stunned to learn how many people actually take the week of the county fair off from work--literally the whole week--so they can go to the fair every day.

That's a lot of cream puffs.

The nicest surprise at the fair? The clean bathrooms. I kid you not. There's this lady in there cleaning like there is no tomorrow. She's got this incense burning and she's got lotion and candy and she's shining and wiping everything in sight. She also has this big tip jar right in the middle of the bathroom. Trust me, I gave her a big tip every time, as I was VERY grateful for the clean toilets.

The second biggest surprise: it's a dry event; meaning, no booze. No booze equals no dumb drunks. No dumb drunks equals no one dropping funnel cake on your feet.

I am glad I don't have to go back to the fair tomorrow, as my sinuses are killing me. The fair is a VERY dusty place and I am here to tell you that my sinuses are caked in dust. Even my teeth hurt from all the dust in there. I bet anyone who heard me complaining about my head hurt from it being dusty outside would just scoff and call me a "city slicker." In case you think I'm exaggerating about the dust, come write your name in the dust on the car. (Speaking of which, it is very hard to find your car in the parking lot at the fair. Nothing is marked, there are four zillion cars and they are all dust-colored.)

Good thing I have to be in the office tomorrow: if I went back to the fair, I'd probably try to eat a funnel cake on my own and keel over from cholesterol hell overload while wearing blobs of white powdered sugar all over my shirt and dust falling out of my sinuses. That, or I'd let all the animals run free. Either way, it wouldn't be a good thing. You don't want to be messing with these people's fair.......and you certainly don't want to be messing with their livestock. That would be like Brett Favre playing on a team other than the Packers.....

.....oh, wait! That's IS what he's doing...........

I better go get the wife another cream puff to put her out of her misery......