Saturday, July 26, 2008

Can You Hear me Now?

If you read about a woman going postal in a Horizon store, don't worry--it was just me, chivalrously standing up for the wife and her crappy new Horizon Phone.

The wife's cell phone traumas continued through the week. Combine this with Brett Favre's antics, it's enough to make her cry.

I am sorry to say that the wife got a zillion dollar phone bill from her previous carrier, US Hell-u-lar....as she unfortunately made a HUGE mistake and was thus charged for early termination of her service. She didn't realize that when she purchased that brand new Hell-u-lar phone (of which she truly loved but couldn't use with Horizon, as described in a previous blog), it meant she was automatically renewing her contract and thus had a year to go. Ouch.

To add insult to injury, her new Horizon Cell phone had horrific reception and no one could understand her when she called them. So, now she had a cell phone carrier she didn't like, a phone that didn't work, a phone she loved but couldn't use and a bill she now had to pay.....

Worse, she took her new phone to the Horizon store and complained about the new phone. What do you think they did?

One associate called the other associate using the phone and both pronounced it "crystal clear." The wife left in tears.

Enter the uber-bitch: me. I have had ENOUGH of Horizon and decided to take things into my own hands. As a means of testing the reception, I took the wife's phone outside, stood in the front yard and called some friends who are also on the Horizon plan. They couldn't really understand me and they sounded like shit to me. Then, I called them from my new cell phone-- they could hear me with no problem and I could hear them.

Experiment over.

I went into the house and told the wife to give me EVERYTHING she had about her phone--from the box to the receipts. I loaded myself and her phone paraphenalia into the Mold Mobile and zipped off to Horizon.

I wasn't nice. I wasn't assertive. I was aggressive. I marched right up to that Customer Service desk and knocked people out of my way as I stormed toward it. I cut people off. I didn't care. I held up her shitty phone and in a very loud voice announced what a piece of shit it was. I then held up my phone and curtly explained how my phone works and her phone didn't. People turned and looked at me. GOOD! I wanted to yell, "RUN WHILE YOU CAN!" but I had a little composure left, so I kept that one comment to myself. Barely.

The poor Customer Service lady was now my hostage. She didn't have a prayer. When the salesman who had screwed over the wife approached, I proclaimed, "And, I want NOTHING to do with him!" He backed off and went back to the sales floor. I made it quite clear I didn't want to hear about testing the reception or about how the box didn't have the UPS code or how this or that....I was DEMANDING a new phone. A phone that worked.

I barked out my angry story of how I had talked the wife into this stupid service, that her previous service was a billion times better, that her previous phone was better, that Horizon had spent more time lying to us than helping us, that she brought her phone in and was basically patronizing to her but of no help. I growled out about the problems with the billing. I once again held the phone up in the lady's face.....

She was stupid enough to ask, "did your friend transfer phone numbers?"

"Yes," I answered, quizzical--what the hell could this have to do with anything?

She continued, "and, did you get a new Horizon number?"

Where is she going with this? "Yes," I coldly replied.

She was DUMB ENOUGH to start to say, "Well, maybe your friend is having trouble with her phone because of the phone number being from a different carrier---"

I tell you what. I cut that lady off so fast and so loudly she will probably need therapy for three years to get over it.

I made it clear I DID NOT want to hear any stupid theories taught in Horizon-screw-the- customer school. I almost jumped over the counter and shoved that phone right up her ASS.

It was at this point she went and got a new phone.

You better believe I watched that lady like a hawk. I made sure she wasn't shoving the old phone in a new box. I made sure she had a new phone out of a sealed box. I made sure she wasn't screwing me one more time. It was all going well until.....

....she couldn't get the wife's contact list out of the old phone into the new phone. Seems are phones really are so new no one knows how to do anything with them. Three people were working on this project. I made it clear I would not be leaving without a transfer of the contact list, all the while watching the phone to make sure there was no switch back to the old phone.

With much sweating, the lady finally figured out a way to get the numbers on the phone. I warned her that I best not be charged for this action via the Internet; she assured me I wouldn't be. I held a piece of paper in her face and roared, "THEN WHY DOES IT SAY I HAVE TO ACCEPT THE $1.99 CHARGE RIGHT HERE ON THIS PAPER?" She swallowed and promised it wouldn't be on the bill but if it were, it would be credited.

This is where I went POSTAL. Insane. I think the veins were popping out of my head. "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TOLD THAT THIS MIGHT SHOW UP ON MY BILL AND IT WILL BE CREDITED. THIS BETTER NOT SHOW UP ON MY BILL. THAT STUPID $14.95 BILL BETTER NOT SHOW UP ON MY BILL, EITHER!"

I think she piddled on herself.

She handed me the new phone and meekly asked me to make some calls so I could test it out. She suggested I go outside but I assured her that the phone would work right where I was standing or I'd be handing it right back. I called the wife.

"Can you hear me now?"

Thankfully, she really could hear me and I could hear her, so I smiled, hung up and thanked the woman for the new phone. I then grabbed all the wife's belongings and left, new phone in hand.

I am happy to report the wife is much happier with the new phone, which is a very good thing for me and for Horizon. Tell you what, tho--if that damned bill comes and there are charges that are wrong--after we've called them FOUR times and I've talked to them face-to-face--I WILL drive my car right through their show room. Call it "duty to warn," call it what you will. Just don't call me on Horizon.

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