Bootilicious

Since the wife is on her 14th leg of her annual Tour of Wisconsin, I am on my own to survive the perils of suburbia. Read: I am washing clothes, taking the garbage out, killing the bugs, feeding the dogs, defragmenting the computer, dragging the lawn clippings to the curb, paying the cell phone bill, taking care of the newly-sealed driveway, bringing in the mail, sorting the recycling, vacuuming the rugs.....

....you know......doing what the wife does on a daily basis.

Please let her come home soon!!!

Since I haven't talked much about Jillian or my Jillian workouts lately, I thought I'd post of photo of what I look like since doing her "30 day Shred" DVD for a few weeks now:









I put a wig on for the photo shoot. I've also had a boob job since my last blog entry. How do they look? POW POW! I didn't think the DVDs were working but looking at the photo, I think things are going swimmingly. I have three words for you:
ROCK.
HARD.
ABS.
That's what I am ALL about.

I did the Level 3 work out for the first time yesterday and then did it again today. I am here to tell you that if you decide to do the Jillian 30 day shred work outs, YOU SHOULD STICK TO THE FIRST TWO LEVELS! DO NOT PROCEED unless you want BLOOD SPURTING OUT YOUR EYES! Okay, I admit it: It was fun in a sick way. I especially loved doing the traveling push ups. The only place I traveled was AWAY from the TV.

Traveling push ups, my ass.

Speaking of my ass........

........I have experienced an unexpected, rather upsetting result of doing the Jillian tapes. The other day, I put on a pair of dress pants. They fit fine enough but I noticed that there was one major difference....something that I have experienced in the past ten or so years....

.....those damn tapes led to the return of the bubble butt, the juicy booty!!

Some people are all about the bubble butt. Some people are famous for their juicy booties--think JLo or Beyonce. I, on the other hand, am NOT about any butt expansion of any kind, in style or not. I am pre-dispositioned to the explosion of hip and thighs as I age, thanks to my DNA, so I get nervous when things get "bigger" back there.

Okay, we're not saying that I have developed a shelf or anything back there. It's just that my pants are much tighter in the butt right now than they have been and this does not make me happy. I know, I know--I am going to get all sorts of grief about saying anything about my new glutes. People are going to find this ridiculous. Well, that's because they have never had a juicy booty and they don't have a family history of pending juicy bootiness.

I'm telling you that there is a chance my butt will take over the world.

This leaves me in a quandary: give up all the leg work (think: squats) or embrace my bootiliciousness. I am not sure how one can do a 20 minute work out and leave anything out but if I want my bootiness to stop getting bootier, I'm thinking I am going to have to do something (like going back to sitting on the couch and watching Jillian on TV instead of doing her tapes).

You know that the next time you see me, you are SO going to be staring at my ass. You'll be thinking things like, "I don't see any difference" or "Whoa! She wasn't exaggerating for a change" or "Beyonce ain't got nothin' on her." No matter what you are thinking, you are going to be staring at my butt. This alone makes me think twice about publishing this blog entry, but I am dedicated to telling the truth, beloved blog reader, and thus I cannot edit out my fear of growing glutes.

There is only one solution at this time and that is to load the dogs in the car and go to Dairy Queen. Well, I have to take the garbage out first. And, I have to put the wash in the dryer. And I have to change the dog's water in their water dish. But after all that, I am drowning my sorrows in a big ass Blizzard.

Empahsis on the ass.