Never Say No to a Warm Chocolate Chip Cookie

The recent shooting at Northern Illinois University got me thinking about our nieces, as they will sooner than later heading off to college. (Side Note: You know, I never really feel very old until I realize Eldest Niece is going to be 15 in two months. How can that be?!! It's almost as bad as Freckles Warrior Princess turning 8 years old this June. Where has the time gone?) Anyways, being the old, crusty aunt that I am, I started thinking about what words of wisdom I would give to someone getting to the "going- to- college- age," not that they would want any wisdom passed down. (Another sign of aging: giving advice to the younger generation. Sigh.) Since it's my blog, I can preach as I wish; thus, this is what I say to the ever-growing-up nieces. I haven't wasted space listing the important things about everyone thinks and knows about. I'm focusing on the things no one ever tells you.....

1. NEVER say not to a warm chocolate chip cookie. Never. Not even during Lent. God will forgive you.

2. Pray. Pray that you don't kill your sister. Pray you pass that final exam. Pray for someone to offer you a warm chocolate chip cookie. Pray that God forgives you for eating that chocolate chip cookie during Lent when you promised not to eat candy or cookies or dessert during Lent. Pray for world peace. Pray for understanding. Pray for a snow day. Pray for the snow to stop. Pray for your relatives. Pray for yourself. Pray for whatever or whomever you want. Just pray once a day. We're your godparents, so you better get praying. We're watching you!

3. Wear a bra. Don't ask why--you really don't want to know. Just wear one.

4. Do not wear a bra to bed. Give the "girls" time to breathe every night. Besides, who wants to wear a bra to bed?

5. Wear comfortable shoes. Life is way too short to wear shoes that hurt or don't fit right or leave you wanting to cut your feet off. Spend money on comfortable shoes. It'll be worth it and besides, you'll look good because you feel good. Remember: You can never have too many pairs of shoes.

6. In honor of your sporty aunt, cheer for the Packers one time each football season but don't tell your father. You can cheer secretly, if you prefer. Just one game. Even if you don't like or watch football. Just pretend for her sake. Say things like, "Gosh, that Brett Favre sure was a great quarterback" or "I've always wanted to see someone do the Lambeau Leap in person."

7. Learn to drive a stick shift, but don't ask Grandpa to teach you. Ask your stick-shift-driving- professional aunts to teach you. Grandpa will just smoke until you can't see out the windshield anymore. Until they stop making stick shifts, everyone should know how to do this. You never know when you might have to do this and how cool will it be that you can?

8. Say at least one nice thing out loud about yourself each day. Really. You may feel stupid doing it but it's really important you do it.

9. Go to college. You can go to Northern Illinois University if you'd like. Don't let one person's selfish, hateful behavior scare you away from NIU or any other place. You can go where ever you want (well, your mama might want you to stay in the state of Illinois due to college saving plan limitations, so check with her first). Don't be afraid to go to the college of your choice. (Side note: if possible, live in a dorm during at least part if not all of your college years. It's fun to be stupid and filled with teenage angst while going to college; might as well live with all sorts of other peers going through the same thing.)

10. Never pass up the opportunity to pet a puppy. Don't forget to smell the puppy breath! There is nothing like a good case of puppy breath to make you smile. Who doesn't love a puppy? You can't have a bad day when you've been around a puppy. (Side note: do not bring a puppy home without asking your mom. I said pet a puppy, not bring home a puppy.)

11. Be a nerd. Nerds rule! Be a band nerd. Be a book nerd. Be a trying-to-be-sporty nerd. Be a computer nerd. If anyone gives you a hard time about being a nerd, you call your aunts and we'll come beat them up. We are all about being nerds.

12. Live, laugh, love, listen, learn, limbo. The more you live, laugh and love, the more warm chocolate chip cookies will come to you. The more you listen, the more you will learn. The more you can limbo, the bigger the hit you'll be at the party.

13. Don't pierce your belly button. It hurts like a you-know-what and it leaves these stupid holes once you stop wearing a piercing. Anyone who tells you it doesn't hurt is lying to you. And, it takes forever to heal--I'm talking TWO YEARS and I'm not kidding. (Side notes: if you get a tattoo, you need to know two things: (1) put it somewhere that won't sag; and (2) know that you won't only get one because they are addictive.)

14. Eat more chocolate. Don't waste your time on cheap chocolate. Eat the good stuff. If you don't know what the good stuff is, you ask me and I'll show you. Chocolate bars, chocolate ice cream, chocolate pie, hot chocolate, chocolate chips, s'mores with double chocolate, chocolate cake, chocolate chip pancakes, chocolate everything. Just a little bit of chocolate every day makes the world go around. (side note: Keep emergency M&M's on hand for those times of need.)

15. Stop reading this blog and go out and do something. Learn how to "butt bowl." (Trust me on that one!) Go outside for a walk. Go read a book. Go listen to some loud music. Go talk to a friend. Go walk the dog. Go learn how to drive that stick shift. Go "Google" yourself. Go "Google" someone else. Go make some chocolate chip cookies and save some for your aunt. You know she won't pass one up....